Shit from an old notebook

Something I wrote back in April that I just came across...
The first time I heard the word patsy was in reference to Lee Harvey Oswald. The first time I heard Patsy Cline was on a diner jukebox. I always preferred “I Fall To Pieces” over “Crazy”. I have a fascination with diners, there are so many little quirks to appreciate. You’d have a hard time finding a diner in Brooklyn or Queens that doesn't have an autographed framed 8x10 of Ernie Anastos behind the register bar.

I love the intergalatic names they give the kids meals; Apollo is usually two hot dogs and French fries, then there’s Pluto or Jupiter and that’s usually spaghetti and meatballs or a small hamburger or something. Diner menu photography is wonderful too. It’s always poorly lit, out of focus and looks like it was taken with a disposable camera. I mean, we know what spanakopita is, do I need to see a picture of it from 1985 to convince me that’s what I’m hungry for? I just wanna know if its fresh that’s all and don’t fucking lie to me, Peggy. I dated a girl for a hot minute and her mom was a waitress at a diner. It was a bit odd. We’d go see a movie and then wind up back at her mom’s diner and she’d hover over us as we ate disco fries and talked nervous nonsense.

I love when waiters come to your table and survey the rubble on your plates and ask “Are you still working on that?” like I’m putting the final touches on a sculpture or something. It’s not a fucking painting, it’s an omelet. Yeah, I’m done, take it away from the table, please! Oh, that drives me nuts, when you’re on a plane and you have to sit there with the empty tray in front of you for like a half hour. I start to freak the fuck out. Especially since we always ordered vegan or vegetarian so we’d get our food before everyone. The Hasidics, the Buddhists and the vegans always get fed first on the plane, remember that next time if you don’t feel like waiting an hour to be asked chicken or beef. So its cool to get your food before everyone else but this means you’re finished before everyone else and have to sit there with your tray full of garbage until they’re done serving the guy in 72B his Seagrams and soda. Trust me, it’s a pain in the ass. Especially when you’re borderline insane like me.

The 60’s were probably the first thing I was really into. I was fascinated with Jim Morrison and The Doors, and Hendrix and that whole scene. I soon became a total assassination buff. I knew everything about what happened on Elm Street in Dealy Plaza and later wondered if whoever created Nightmare on Elm Street chose that name because that’s where it all went down. And that brings me back where I started; Lee Harvey Oswald.