It's Friday, Mofo's
- Left for dead a week ago, legislation to bolster border security while bestowing legal status on millions of illegal immigrants is showing signs of life.
- Governor Arnold tells immigrants to turn off their "Spanish television set" and avoid Spanish-language television, books and newspapers, so they are "just forced to speak English, and that just makes you learn the language faster". Naturally, everyone is flipping out over this.
- An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured 3 people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch. Hahahaha "dispatched". The actual headline from Reuters reads: "Squirrel goes on rampage, injures 3". Classic!
- 7 Sex Offenders Who Use MySpace Arrested... I don't understand how or why this is news. EVERYONE has a goddamn Myspace page by now; that's like saying they apprehended 7 sex offenders who all have ATM cards or wear socks!
- The soon to be available iPhone from Apple will not be compatible with corporate email systems; it will not work with either the Goodlink service or the Blackberry Enterprise. Nice one, Jobs.
- NY Bus Driver Tied-Up, Bus Taken for Joyride...
- A cab driver found 2 toddlers sitting on a curb in their pajamas outside the A&P supermarket on Anderson Avenue in New Jersey at 4am this morning. Stay classy, New Jersey.
- 4 convicted of stabbing a man after he made advances toward one of them were sentenced Thursday amid screams and weeping to prison terms ranging from 3 1/2 to 11 years. It's about time for a new female prison flick, no? Quentin whereuat? Holla!
- Gandolfini told the Daily News he had "no idea" what to think was to happen to his character. Thanks, bro. Good lookin' out.
- Were you not into Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" as the soundtrack to the last moments of The Sopranos? Well, now you can score it your damn self.
- Showtime's Dexter returns September 30. My mum back in the UK will be psyched.
- What does your phone number spell? ...Am I the only one who used to sit with a pen and pad to figure this ish out? Well, now there's a site for it. Am I also the only one who remembers walking to school in the snow, up a hill, with no shoes, back when candy was a nickel?
- There was a black suede yarmulke on the floor of the bus this morning. Could someone have denounced Judaism midway through an express bus ride? Was traffic that bad?
- Speaking of black suede, here's another pic of Angelina's $26 dress that she wore to the premier of her new flick. I'm having a total Angelina renaissance lately, she's so totally back on my list. She isn't into being called "thin" -- because she's been dropping pounds over the death of her mom, Marcheline (Plastic) Bertrand, earlier this year. At the premiere the other night, Ange scolded reporters saying, "Instead of people saying I look like a person dealing with something emotionally, they assume it's because I want to fit into skinny jeans. Someone saying to me that I'm thin is not a compliment." She says that she just stopped breastfeeding (holla!) and that she's having trouble getting her nutrition back on track. Y'all best leave my girl alone, I'm fixin' ta raise up.
- Three TV shows I never, ever liked:
1- Gilligan's Island
2- M*A*S*H
3- All In The Family. - Joe Rogan: The Joe McCarthy of Comedy?... I've always dug Joe Rogan, way before that Fear Factor ish, but the dude is seriously becoming the Joke Gestapo. Seems like he's spending more time accusing other comics of stealing his or other comics' jokes than he is spending time writing new material of his own. I mean I love seeing a dude getting called out as much as the next guy but I think he's becoming obsessed. Does comedy really need an internal affairs division?!
- Mocha-skinned girl in a green and white flower print dress sat next to me on the bus, reading a library book. I said, "Those still exist?!", she said "Well, I work for the library, so...". I refrained from further commentary and dozed off.
- Am I the only one who remembers when Utz was BonTon? An investigation will follow. As Drudge would say: Story is developing...
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