18 June 2007

Short Rope Mondays; The line betwixt polite and annoying gets finer and finer

I have lost all patience for overly "polite" people; some people just can't shut the F up, they MUST interact at all times, interjecting their dimwitted pablum when they've got you cornered. Talking to my friend over the weekend got me thinking about these people, their incessant chatter and their dopey queries and quips. There is a razor thin line betwixt polite and completely overbearing and annoying.

For instance, when you're walking a dog and the dog is pulling on the leash a bit, they'll often ask, brilliantly, "Hey, who's walking who!?" or if they happen to see two people kissing, which will most likely be the most thrilling thing that happens to them for that entire week, they're compelled to yelp "Hey, get a room!"... There's a litany of puerile witticisms which I someday want to compile, but right now, I'm too annoyed to get into all of them because they'll just remind me of the dumb faces I heard saying them.

So when I'm in an elevator with you and it's stopping at every floor, please, don't feel compelled to remark "heh, must be the local". I don't need to hear your voice.

If we're waiting on a line together at the supermarket or the post office (in the very rare occasion I have the patience and mental aplomb to even stand on a line for more than 2 minutes without losing it) there is no need for you to make eye contact with me and roll your eyes or huff and puff. I have nothing in common with you except that we just so happen to be both be on this same line at this moment in time; however, this gives you no right to try and 'bro-down' with me or empathise with me or whateverthef*ck you're doing.

Also, I am declaring a mandatory expiration date on the bromidic "how was your weekend?" query. It's 45 minutes into my Monday and I'm already sick of it. Some people will ask "how was your weekend?" as late as Wednesday!! I find this abused question completely annoying, unnecessary and trite and I would never ask this of anyone while I realise many people simply adore this question and the prattle that ensues so I won't ban it completely. But I will say the question expires on Monday at 5pm. That's it. Don't waltz in here on Tuesday afternoon asking me how my goddamn weekend was, think of something else to ask me if you MUST open your mouth and speak in my direction.

Can you tell I'm on a short rope today, friends?

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