If my ride home is disrupted, the terrorists win

Police are investigating a suspicious package at the New York Public Library's midtown branch.

Oh, great. Here we go. Let's blow up a place no one goes to!

NYPD spokesman, Detective John Buthorn, (um, excuse me, John what horn!?) says police were notified at around 1:55 p.m. that the package had been discovered. Maybe it was the Holy f#cking Grail ? or maybe it was someones hella past due copy of "Dianetics" and they were too ashamed to go inside? Hey, just a hunch fellas.

The library is located at 455 Fifth Avenue and police have cordoned off the area. Oh, F this noise. Don't F with my express bus!

No further details are available. A library spokesperson was not immediately available to comment. Why? What could she possibly have been busy doing!? Reorganizing Dewey decimal cards?!

I see dolts outside there everyday lining up to take pictures with those two concrete lion things and I don't get it. Do they think they are some sort of landmark? The only place they've probably ever seen the lions before is in other pictures from other tourists!!

"Honey, get one of me with the lions outside the f*cking library..." Um, OK. Now will you go back to Lake Charles and never come back?!