A round of last straws on the house...

• I'm fed up with the gospel candy lady. If you follow this blog, (the 2 of you that do) then you know who and what I'm talking about. Gospel Candy Lady has been nothing but nice to me; my soda is never flat and the water is always cold but the constant gospel music jukebox is tap dancing on my very, very last nerve. Plus now it smells like foot cream and feet down there. It smells like a goddamn nail salon doing six simultaneous pedicures. And that's no way for a candy store to smell. Just the other day it smelled like goddamn rotting bananas! Maybe I'm too high-strung but its driving me absolutely over the edge and I think I've just about had it.
  
  
• I've also just about had it with wacky news stories involving animals. Our elevators here have that little TV screen that gives you stock quotes, the temperature and large-print jewels of current events and zany anecdotes. BARF! So after I was pissed about the pedicure stench of the gospel candy store on my trip back upstairs I was ambushed by a story about a man who wants to sue a monkey for stealing his glasses on a trip to China or some shit. Will you just shut the fuck up, you can't sue a goddamn monkey! I'm SO done with zany news bits like that. Unless it involves a pit bull mauling someone who deserved it or a bull skewering assholes in Pamplona, you can shove your wacky animal news stories! Go to directly to hell. Do not pass go and do not collect $200!