Why do we love lists?

1. What is our infatuation with lists? What the F do we care about so-and-so magazines list of the top 10 guitar solos of all time? It's cheap journalism. Can't think of an idea for a story? compose a list of some random bullsh$t: "Top 10 songs I totally regret putting on mix tapes for former girlfriends", etc.
   
   
2. I won't even touch all the glossy T&A men's magazines because they're ALL lits: "Top 10 ways to get laid on the first date", "Top 5 ways to cook that BBQ burger that'll make her love you", "Top 12 ways to cut yourself shaving", etc...
   
   
3. Those are all equally as asinine but at least they're being masqueraded as some sort of advice or well-researched suggestions or something. I suppose no matter how inane the recommendations, it could be grounds for a list, sure. I'll give them that. Score 1 for the thinly veiled soft-porn men's "style" mags.
   
   
4. But Top 10 grunge rock albums of all time? Who f#cking cares?! You wanna countdown the top 40 songs in the country based on stupid album sales like Casey Kasem, OK, fine, go for it; it will suck shit but it's a decent reason for a countdown or a list.
   
   
5. We can all countdown the seconds to midnight on New Years Eve, that's OK, but ''The 10 landmark albums that made indie rock"? Do I need someone to tell me this? Do I care? Should I care? The Minutemen even made that list and still I couldn't care less. I enjoy Whitney Matheson and her Pop Candy blog but she is an absolute NUT for lists; everyday you can count on her posting a link to some random list of something. For instance today she's got The Top 10 Best Bands That Never Existed and the 10 greatest alcohol icons of all time. God, I'm so glad they were able to corrale those!
   
   
6. What am I to do with this information? OK, now that I've been briefed on what YOU think are the Top 10 albums in hip-hop, where do I go from here? Do I discuss it with my friends? Do I email you my comments? I'm not sure what the F they want us to do with their never ending round-ups.
   
   
7. So then, what is it with lists? Why are so drawn to them!? It's such milquetoast bullsh%t-cum-cheap magazine journalism and we're all total suckers for it. Because if we weren't suckers for it, trust they wouldn't be all over the place.
   
   
8. Perhaps somehow seeing things in some sort of ascending numerical order gives it automatic merit and authority? Like Oh, Maxim must know the best shaving creams if they've made a list about it and Rolling Stone must know the Top 10 best new bands to watch out for since it's here, printed in list format... Don't be fooled people, it's just a list! Like you grocery list. Same sh$t. It's false power; assumed authority.
   
   
9. Top 10 this and top 10 that; who gives a F$CK!
   
   
10. Unless its "Top 10 ways to get someone else to pay your rent and bills" then I don't need to know about it. So, shove it.