15 August 2007

Death. The permanent end of the life of a biological organism. Merciless. Unknown and awful. Horrible. Tragic. An inconsolable flood.

For what its worth, the only thing that I've learned is that the pain only continues for us, the living, as we grieve. For the one that has died, if there was pain, the pain is over and its wonderful and peaceful. If there was no pain and it was sudden, its just the same. They were oblivious to that moment. While for us, its a nightmare as we attempt to continue, dealing with this new, unwelcome and sudden void.

That is the small solace I have found through my own patterns of grief understanding loss. I have no idea what it is like for anyone else and I can't ever assume to know for its different for everyone and everyone will deal with death in a different way. And while I realise its easier said than done, the one truth I've come across is that the pain we feel through grieving is manufactured by our own hearts and minds. Grief and mourning is our doing. There is no pain or grief or sadness for the one who has died, there is only peace.

Sometimes we'll spend a lot of time pondering the amount of pain they might've been going through or what they were thinking; but pondering this is quite futile because we will never know so its useless to assume and it will only bring us more guilt and grief. We must simply trust that they are at peace and they had no idea what was coming and it was blissful ignorance; there wasn't fear; there wasn't anxiety; there was only sleep and peace. Just like we fall asleep at night and think nothing, they've gone the same way. No fear. Nothing different. Close your eyes and relax.

To them, its sleep. To us, its death.

Though I believe that at that moment, you never know its coming, it just comes and the pain transfers to us, the living, to carry on our minds and hearts until its time for us to transfer it to the next person. And on and on it goes but for the dead, there is peace and closure; wonderful everlasting sleep and calm. Like a breeze through a billowing curtain on a cool night.

Whether you believe in god or heaven and hell or not, you can trust that the one who is no longer here has found a better place somewhere else.

That's why I love the escapism of reading; the same goes for silently recalling memories; like playing an old movie in your mind, a private screening where you can close your eyes and be alone with your thoughts. When the current world is nothing but grief and bullshit, you can lose yourself in the beautiful memories of the past. You can escape in your mind and it can be any time you want. That is the true beauty of the human mind. The brain can be your personal time machine at the push of a button.

And thankfully those wonderful memories and that pure love are sealed in a time capsule of peace and happiness where nothing will ever fade them; in our hearts and minds they will remain untouchable for love, will always be, stronger than death.

these are pics of a dog affectionately named Fathead that I found on flickr. I think she should be the new GCI mascot.

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