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From the "Will you just shut the fuck up?" file:

"Washington Woman Claims Pit Bulls Broke Into Her Home and Mauled Her"

Hahahahahahahahhaaahaha! Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrre they did. They had a fucking stakeout. They rented a small studio across the street from her house and lived on cold pizza for a week; canvassing the area and taking note of her daily routines.

Then on that fateful day, they put on black Zoro-esque burglar masks, grew 5 o'clock shadows and with big grey duffel bags in their paws (you know the ones with the $ on them like in the cartoons) the 2 dogs broke into her house to steal all her fine china and jewels; oh, and on the way out, they mauled her.

I'm sorry but dogs don't break into or just barge into peoples houses.

I smell a rat. A fishy rat. Here's the article (with my wonderful, witty commentary - keeping in mind, some articles also say the woman was disabled, some don't - either way the point is pit bulls are vicious and crazy, k?)

GIG HARBOR, Washington State — Two pit bull terriers broke into a house through a pet door Tuesday and attacked a woman in her bed, mauling her badly.

The woman was able to grab a gun and try to shoot the dogs (what?!!!!!!!!!!!!) , then break away from the attack and lock herself in her car, where she called 911, sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer said.

The woman, who was not immediately identified, was taken to a hospital in Tacoma, where she was listed in serious condition.

Officers planned to talk to the dogs' owner. (yeah, why don't you go ahead and do that ASAP)

The pit bulls also killed a neighbour's Jack Russell terrier, which entered the house during the attack, Troyer said. (huh? when? what?!)

"The thought is that the Jack Russell heard noise in the neighbour's house, came in and was attacked by the dogs," Troyer said. (WHAT!? A Jack Russel went inside someones house to check on a noise?! Is he the mayor of the block? Does he take care of the recycling days and all that, too?)

Officers "had to pepper spray and fight the dogs until they were detained. We almost had to shoot them on site," Troyer said. (now cops are fighting with dogs? like its an epic battle? what the fuck went on?)

It was not immediately known why the dogs entered the house, whether the woman had dogs of her own or what set off the attack. (Well, lets go find that shit out before you write another article, k?)


KING-TV says 59-year-old Sue Ann Gorman's house is "blood splattered."

KING-TV has footage from its interview with Martin.

From USA TODAY: This story reminds us of George, the heroic Jack Russell terrier who was killed while protecting a group of children from two pit bulls. (George?!)

I'm sorry, obviously I'm an animal lover, a dog lover and more specifically, a pit-bull lover and "sympathiser" but this whole story is just completely bizarre and smells like a text book slow news week sensation.

I mean, c'mon, pit bulls mauling someone, sure, apparently that happens once every 10 seconds, but pit bulls breaking into someones house and ransacking the place?! Get the fuck outta here with that crap.