25 September 2007

Blogging from jail is the new black

There are really only two main rules in life you should live by:

1- Try not to have your car break down in the middle of nowhere, on a Sunday. No garages will open til Monday. You'll be stranded & fucked.

2- Try not to get arrested on a Saturday. You will spend the night & next day in jail. You'll be stranded & fucked.

This dude got locked up for 44 hours all because of an outstanding warrant for riding his bicycle on the sidewalk two years ago. Well, that and his ex-GF had filed a complaint against him.

Anyway, this is his story.

"Friday 7pm – Get a call on my cell. Detective Mark from the 78 (precinct) needs to see me. Nothing pressing he says. I tell him fine. 3pm tomorrow.

Saturday 3pm – I’m at the 78. I’m told my ex girlfriend, whom I haven’t even seen in over a month has filed a complaint against me. We were calling and emailing each other, but that is beside the point. A complaint is a complaint – and a complaint really isn’t that big of a deal. Standard procedure here is a DAT (desk appearance ticket) to happen in a month or so… I’d see a judge and he would evaluate the complaint and issue a verdict. I’ll skip the legal eagle stuff here and say the complaint was called ridiculous by the judge I did see (on Monday morning - 44 hours later).

3:30pm – turns out I have an outstanding warrant for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk in 2005.

3:31pm – turns out I’m under arrest on that warrant.

3:45pm – Mark (the detective), who is a very nice guy tells me how it’s going to be: I’ll be photographed and printed at the 78 and then transported to central booking to see my court appointed attorney and the judge. I should be done in a few hours.

3:46pm – I’m freaking out. Complaints, warrants, arrested, fingerprinted, put in a holding cell… I get to make a call or two. I have an attorney friend come down to see me…he basically says “it sucks you should be out in a few hours – just cooperate and chill out”.

My response: Fine

4:30pm – I’ve been printed, photographed, and treated quite nicely at the 78… as nice as nice can be inside and 8x8 cell.

5:45pm – Time to be transported to Central Booking….but “wait”, they say as we (my handcuffed self and two good cops) are walking out the door, “Central booking is a mess…people are waiting outside (cuffed with their cop escorts). Best wait here till that clears up.”

6:30pm – Getting gloomy in my cell. Central booking isn’t open and my only way home is through central booking – see an attorney – see the judge. It’s ok though; Central booking is open all night and they have night court till 1am.

7:30 – cell – I get a chicken sandwich from the sympathetic detective.

8:30 – cell – find out there are “computer problems” at central.

9pm – Central booking closed. I’m crushed. I’ll be spending the night at the 78th precinct. They should have it fixed in the morning. I’m told to be thankful I’m at the 78th. It’s the Ritz compared to Central.

11:30 pm -- 8am Sunday morning – rolling around on a 1 x 5 foot wooden bench in an 8x8 cell. No blanket, no pillow, no nothing. Getting sore.

Sunday – 8am – screamed at the top of my lungs for someone to take me to the bathroom. 30 minutes later someone came (she said she couldn’t hear me). I piss, I have a glass of water (note: start the clock)

9am or so – Mark’s (my arresting dicks) partner brings be a half bagel and coffee. Tells me they will take me down to central booking soon.

10am – nothing, nobody, I piss in the coffee cup – nobody can hear me yelling. 11am – nothing. I juggle the trio of napkins I rolled up from breakfast.

12pm – nothing… I beg officers going by (I can hear them, I can’t see them) for some water. They tell me they will get someone.

1pm – nothing. No water since 8am. No food since my half bagel. No word on central booking. 12 straight hours in an 8x8.

2pm – 6pm – nothing. At 6 I get one slice of pizza and a soda. I don’t drink soda…. I have a sip.

7pm – Myself and two other guys are finally taken to central booking… handcuffed "

continues here...

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