Oh, darling, fix my toilet, will you? Schneider called, he wants his look back BTW...
With her womanly curves and finger-sucking antics, Nigella Lawson has been dangling the carrot for Britain's male TV audiences for years.
Now for the first time, and timed rather well to promote her latest cookery show, she has made some decidedly racy revelations about the carryings-on in her bedroom.
Speaking to Esquire she discussed everything from her preference for hairy-backed men (gross) and wearing just stockings, suspenders and high-heels (douche the high-heels and we're on) in bed to the pros and cons of smothering chocolate on a lover (cheesy)
Lawson, the 47-year-old wife of multi-millionaire art patron Charles Saatchi said: "Stockings never fail to make you feel sexy. I like hold-ups, but the problem is if you've got too much meat at the top, you get a bulge there. Oh, my Nigella !
"So I often wear those over-the-knee French schoolgirl socks. But I know men like the whole strappy thing of suspenders, so I'll wear them. In fact, thinking about it, I've actually worn them with nothing but a pair of shoes in bed before." You dirty dog!
However, she does not act like a dominatrix in the bedroom, confessing: "I'd be hopeless, continually asking, 'Oh dear, does that hurt? I'm so sorry'. Maybe I'm just too innocent. Seriously, I must be the only person alive who's never watched a porn movie."
Asked what physical attributes she likes in a man, she replied: "Hairiness. I like an animal. Hairy back, hairy everywhere. I don't understand why a woman would want to be with a hairless man. If I was going to go for someone smooth, I may as well be a lesbian."
Lawson said she couldn't understand the attraction of smothering a lover in chocolate. Amen!
"If anyone chose chocolate over sex then I'd say they have a serious problem. I'm greedy. I think one should be allowed everything. Why should you be made to choose one over the other?
"I've never understood that whole dripping chocolate on someone. I can see how if you're with someone you're not particularly interested in, then using food as a prop might help. But food with sex just doesn't do it for me." Yes! Don't cross the streams!
Lawson said Saatchi, her second husband, is happy with her curves.
She claimed: "I have friends whose husbands tut and complain if they've put on a bit of weight. I could never put up with that. It's got to be total adoration or it's never going to work for me.
"Like I say to Charles, I don't ask for much, just 100% attention all of the time. That's not so unreasonable, is it?" Not at all, love.
Of her outfit for the Esquire photo shoot - for which she was covered in silver baking foil , she said: "I absolutely loved it.
"The foil moulds to the skin and there's not much freedom of movement, but it felt very sexy. BacoFoil owe me big time."
The full interview is in the November issue of Esquire, out on Thursday. HOLLA!
My girl Kylie returns as 'Marilyn Minogue' in her new video.
Pop princess Kylie Minogue has reprised her Marilyn Monroe look in a sexy film clip for her new single "2 Hearts". Yes, hers and mine.
The 39-year-old star has burst back onto the music scene wearing a plunging layered black ensemble, lashings of red lipstick and blonde bombshell curly locks reminiscent of the 1950's sex symbol.
Watch a preview of Kylie Minogue's new 2 Hearts video here
The track, which is the first release since she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, was written and produced by Kish Mauve, a London four-piece electro outfit.
Kylie began recording the album when she was still battling breast cancer.
She said: "I had just taken my scarf off [the headscarf she wore to conceal her hair loss during cancer treatment] and wanted to reassure myself I could still do what I did before."