Today I Go Dentist

I really want a bona fide gold tooth. Not inlays, not foiling; not a ghetto grill made of metal painted gold and not removable gold teeth caps like your boy Nelly. I want a real deal gold tooth.

I've even considered rubbing brown sugar on one tooth everyday for like an hour to expedite the corrosion process. Nowadays, no one has a gold tooth. Gold teeth are old school. Gold teeth means you had some major dental work done before 1980 and to me, that rules.

Dentists have used gold for filling cavities (before mercury amalgam became available), for crowns, and for other purposes. Gold is malleable, nearly immune to corrosion, and hard enough to form a biting surface that can be used for years. Gold was used before silver was available and continued to be used for specialised purposes but after 1980, gold inlays, and gold foil work became rare in the United States.

In certain regions of the world, especially in the former Soviet Central Asia and the Caucasus*, gold teeth are worn as a status symbol, a symbol of wealth.

I want a real deal gold tooth that will still glimmer when I'm 75 smiling at my grandson. Ya just can't get gold teeth like that anymore.

Wish me luck!

*The Caucasus is a region in Eurasia bordered on the north by Russia, on the southwest by Turkey, on the west by the Black Sea, on the east by the Caspian Sea, and on the south by Iran.