05 December 2007

Bret Easton Ellis Much?

A stylish young couple from Philadelphia - the privileged children of rich doctors - face years in jail for allegedly pulling off an identity-theft scheme that allowed them to live high on the hog.

Edward K. Anderton, 25, who graduated from the Ivy League University of Pennsylvania with a degree in economics, and his girl Jocelyn Kirsch, 22, the daughter of a prominent plastic surgeon in Winston-Salem and a senior studying international relations at Drexel University, became known as the 21 st century version of Bonnie and Clyde, living the lifestyle of the rich and famous for the past year.

They bought expensive jewelry and designer clothes, lived in a $3,000-a-month luxury apartment in Rittenhouse Square and vacationed in romantic hot spots around the world.

They went horseback riding along white-sand beaches in Hawaii and the Caribbean. They stayed at resorts where the faucets poured champagne. There were trips to New York, Paris, London and Montreal.

that bathtub makes me feel claustrophobic

Everything was first class and fabulous. And all of it was documented in photo after photo. The duo were repeatedly photographed smiling and smooching around the world.

But, all of it - police said - was financed through fraud. Dun Dun Dunnnnn....

"They are parasites," Philadelphia Detective Terry Sweeney told The Post. "The only thing different about these two is they come from a privileged background and add a bit of sex and glamour." Ah, yes, the sex and glamour. Dick Sweeney busted the duo this past Friday for allegedly scamming more than $100,000 through identity theft.

Wait a minute, they did all that shit for $100,000!? They should write a book on money management! Maybe even do a late night infomercial type thing.

Dick Sweeney is pissed. He downplayed the masterminds saying, "They simply used off-the-shelf scams that anyone could find on the internet". Really? Where?

Sweeney said cops seized four computers, two printers, a scanner and an industrial identification-card-making machine over the weekend from their apartment. Philly cops also found $18,000 in cash, a Rolex, dozens of bogus credit cards, phony driver's licenses and keys to some 30 of their neighbours' apartments. Kinda like that old couple Mr. & Mrs. Schumacher in Dirty Dancing!

Cheesesteak Cops also found a book titled "The Art of Cheating: A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims," (what a perfect, timely stocking stuffer!) along with a newspaper article headlined "How to Spot Fake IDs."

So how the F did these balloons get caught?

It all came crumbling thanks to a bra and some panties...

The two allegedly continued their cons until the day of their arrest. Police got tipped off to the grifter lovebirds on Nov. 19 after a neighbor reported her identity was stolen. The next day she was told she had a package waiting for her at a local UPS store.

So cops waited until Anderton and Kirsch went to claim the package - containing high-end lingerie from London - last Friday and nabbed them. Ah, the old framed at the UPS store trick.

The day before, Jocelyn - who was fond of changing the colour of her hair and contact lenses every few weeks - used a bogus check to pay for a $2,200 hair-extension treatment. Unbeweaveable!

Barbara Nocon, the manager of the upscale beauty salon Giovanni & Pileggi who did the extensions, said a young couple with lots of money did not raise her suspicions.

"We get a lot of out-of-town people here, a lot of university students who are clients and have parents who can pay for this," she said. "It's not unusual."

The stylist said that after she left messages on the grifters' cellphone inquiring about the bad check, she got a text message warning, "I know how you get home, you look like a smart girl, you better back off now". Oh, dip.

Naturally the haters are coming out of the woodwork. "I always thought she was a fake person, the person that she presented herself to be wasn't the person she actually was," said Ian Jacobson, one of Jocelyn's classmates from Drexel.

Your boy Edward K. Anderton was fired this year from his job as an analyst with Lubert-Adler Real Estate Funds, probably because he was always on vacation.

Cops say in addition to fraud, other charges are possible. Story is still developing...

Hi, we're dumb.

Ahhh yes, and of course, the mugshots:

This man was last seen playing drums for Most Precious Blood

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