The World Needs A Stronger Blog...: May 2007

31 May 2007

Time Out NY throws down the gauntlet; indictes the hipster for killing New York cool

Has the hipster killed cool in New York? Did it die the day Wes Anderson proved too precious for his own good, or was it when Chloë Sevigny fellated Vincent Gallo onscreen? Did it vanish along with Kokie’s, International Bar and Tonic? Or when McSweeney’s moved shop to San Francisco and Bright Eyes signed a lease on the Lower East Side? Was it possible to be a hipster once a band that played Northsix one night was heard the next day on NPR’s Weekend Edition? Did it hurt to have American Apparel marketing soft-porn style to young bankers? Was something lost the day Ecstasy made the cover of the Times Magazine? Or was it the day Bloomberg banned smoking in bars? And how many times an hour could one check e-mail and still have an honest, or even ironic, claim on being cool?

Read the full article by By Christian Lorentzen

Luxury living on Avenue D

This is just too much. Avenue D?!!?!? Where GG Allin shit himself in the middle of the street from bad heroin and threw it at passing taxis? Avenue D, where you'd get shanked for a half eaten bag of plantains?! Where the squatters wouldn't even go and they still steal car stereos like its 1987?! Is that the Avenue D we're talking about? Oh, ok. I just wanted to make sure.

Cease-Fire in Iraq?!

WASHINGTON (AP) - U.S. military commanders are talking with Iraqi militants about cease- fires and other arrangements to try to stop the violence.

Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno said he has authorised commanders to reach out to militants, tribes, religious leaders and others in the country that has been gripped by violence from a range of fronts including insurgents, sectarian rivals and common criminals.

"We are talking about cease-fires, and maybe signing some things that say they won't conduct operations against the government of Iraq or against coalition forces,"

"It's just the beginning, so we have a lot of work to do on this," he said. "But we have restructured ourselves to organise to work this issue."

Odierno said the effort goes hand in hand with reconciliation efforts by the Iraqi government.

Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and other leaders are under increasing pressure from Washington to do more to achieve reconciliation among factions because, officials argue, no amount of military force can bring peace to the country without political peace.

Al-Maliki announced a national reconciliation proposal nearly a year ago that has made limited progress. It offered some amnesty to members of the Sunni-led insurgency and a change in a law that had removed senior members of Saddam Hussein's Baath Party from their jobs.

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be: Martine Rothblatt is a genius

I’m still reeling from an interview I watched last night with Martine Rothblatt; whom before last night I’d never even heard his/her name. There is no other way to describe it other than: far out. Martine is this soft spoken, ethereal transgender genius. Martine is responsible for launching several communications satellite companies.

S/he was one of the first people to dream up the commercialisation of space; inventing the first nationwide vehicle location system in 1983 called Geostar.In 2007 GPS systems and things like OnStar are commonplace, but he was coming up with this stuff over 20 years ago.

Martine basically invented satellite radio and was principally responsible for several other unique applications of satellite communications technology.

In 1993 his then ten-year old daughter Jenisis became mysteriously ill............... She could barely walk to her school bus without gasping for air. With alarming frequency, her lips would turn blue and her voice would shrivel to a squeak. She was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension and doctors gave her 30 months to live.

Rothblatt refused refused to accept this dire verdict and immediately went to work on developing a cure for his daughters rare ailment; forming a foundation and later creating a biotech firm (United Therapeutics) to corral resources and contacts into a search for a cure.

Eventually doctors were able to stabilize the illness with a cocktail of seven pills, including blood thinners, heart strengtheners and a potent anti-hypertensive. Rothblatt still pursued a better treatment and an all out cure. His United Therapeutics collective created a drug called Remodulin which appears to lower pulmonary blood pressure while avoiding infection; he had developed the cure for his daughters illness.

The dude is brilliant beyond compare and now he’s talking about nanorobotics and nanobots which are microscopic smart robots. He says with the modern ability to make sateilete dishes the size of a pinhead they can now be injected into the bloodstream to fight diseases on a cellular level; attacking areas a surgeons scalpel and/or radiation couldn't ever reach.

In layman's terms, which is the only way I can comprehend all this shit, scientists will teach and program these microscopic robots what to look for as evil inside the body; once inside the body, controlled by satellite, these little guys will head directly for the bad shit and kill it; no surgery, no radiation, no pills, nothing. Its basically like the movie Inner Space come to life. Dennis Quaid is the nanobot that has been injected into Martin Short's bloodstream; but instead of blasting Sam Cooke, drinking whiskey and ogling Meg Ryan; Quaid is going to cure the ills inside Martin Short's body on a cellular level.

Never mind freezing your body in a meat locker until they come up with a cure for your disease; Rothblatt is talking about downloading your every thought and memory from your brain, cloning you a new body to live inside and then uploading all your memories back into your head. "If I knew then what I know now" will no longer be simply a regretful saying. Rothblatt is on the fucking doorstep of actually doing all these things; they won't be dreams or ideas much longer.

This is serious sci-fi shit come totally real. Betwixt this book I've been reading on black holes and the interview I caught last night, my head is spinning. I’ve never been so blown away by an interview with a mortal before, ever.

Bonjour

A forensic psychologist friend of mine advised me to "stop the mania". He says I update this site too much and he may be right. Stuff I've written that I was momentarily proud of is instantly shoved to the bottom because I'm constantly updating this with hot breaking news stories. I'll try to "stop the mania", you dick. I love you.

This morning I switched up my breakfast routine and had a fruit and yogurt situation which turned out to be pretty deelish. It made me think about diners. I really need to write a good long article on diners and how fascinating I find them. From the kids meals named after planets and constellations to the paper placemats with the old cocktail recipes to those cookies at the register that crumble just looking at them to the ubiquitous "healthy choices" which most always boasts the quintessential cottage cheese / grapefruit platter. Its all so innocently 80's that I simply love it and can't get enough of it.

Before I got to my office this morning I was stopped in the street by two tourists...................... I immediately recognised the French accent. The dude had on a Cypress Hill shirt and the girl was a few loose paces behind him looking somewhat puzzled and more lost. He asked me where the post office was but in his accent "this" rhymed with "office" in a peculiar way I can't really explain. Unfortunately I had no idea where the closest post office was and I felt bad because it instantly reminded me and my best friend R. frantically wandering around some foreign midtown during the A.M. rush hour trying to find a consulate or the post office to take care of some dire bureaucratic bullshit on tour. Thats another very long story I need to commit to writing: What its like to have your giant tour bus break down; be abandoned by your American record label and your European booking agency therefore being forced to rent two vans in France to continue the tour, then have one of the vans get smashed by a tractor at a festival in Holland that you're about to play with Run DMC, then when returning the vehicles to the car rental spot in France cause an accident because some guy was letting you cross the street and the guy behind him smashes into his trunk. This is all true and all being saved in my head for my autobiography which will be called "Shit Sandwich".

So I guess the moral of the story is, less news for Gotham City and more memoirs and observations.

Douche-chills (noun): An overwhelming feeling of uncomfortable embarrassment brought on by watching someone make a fool of themselves

Like a puzzled panther...

Winston Smith: The Last Man in Europe

Big Brother has officially arrived...

GOOGLE MAPS SHOW 'FACES' ON STREETS, IN HOUSES...

ALSO LICENSE PLATES...

OUTSIDE OF A STRIP CLUB AND CAUGHT ON GOOGLE?'

...ADULT BOOK STORE?

SEE STEVE JOBS HOUSE...

Top 10 Naked People on Google Earth

Download Google Earth and see for your damn self.

A Day in the Life of a Young Jeezy

What did we learn today?

Bill Gates has one final trick up his dorksleeve. He's gonna turn the world on its head and ride off into the sunset; a true romantic.
A wise someone once said: "We buy books because we think we're buying the time to read them." That very well may be one of the most perfect statements I've ever heard. Step inside the mind of a bibliophiliac.
It's snowing in Germany...
The Washington Post has compiled an exhaustive amazing collection of photographs and information about each U.S. service member who has died in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Yoko Ono was part of a stunt at a London radio station yesterday in which gonzo artist and quasi-vegetarian Mark McGowan ate cooked pieces of a Corgi, Queen Elizabeth II's dog of choice.
Have you apologised for not wearing your seatbelt today?
The Po-Po wants to talk to Fat Joe Crack The Don; Prince has his own fragrance coming to a mall near you; Their sending Matt Lauer and The Today Show banished to Cuba; World oil prices jumped briefly today after a Tulsa, Oklahoma TV station posted an erroneous story about a refinery fire on its Web site.

Abdul says she didn't know her purpose in life until she became a judge on American Idol; cue the worlds smallest violin; love the dress though. Holla

Holy Pity Party, Batman!

"I knew since I was a little girl that I had this profound way of touching people. My purpose is bringing out everybody's best and being that cheerleader to other people's success,"

"Being a judge on `American Idol' overshadows being a Grammy Award winner and selling millions of records," she says.

Abdul has been diagnosed with reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), a chronic neurological disorder that causes severe pain.

"I have four titanium plates in my neck. I've had 14 surgeries over the years. I had an operation the same evening as the first season finale of `American Idol,'" she says. "It can come and go at any time, but I no longer have the intense nerve pain that is associated with RSD, thank God."

Abdul - who says she was hit by a drunk driver in 1987 and injured in an emergency plane landing in the early '90s - says she is treated with anti-inflammatory medications and has massage and acupuncture treatments for her pain..........................

"If I appear exhausted on television, it's because I am!" she says. "I have a lot of sleepless nights because I'm in so much pain. I was taking far more medication on earlier seasons (of `American Idol'), and nobody said anything. I try to say something and I stumble, and that's what people have picked up on. I'm not polished."

When asked how she responds to claims that her behaviour during "Idol" is sometimes bizarre, Abdul replies:

"I'm sick of it. I've never been drunk. I don't do recreational drugs. It's defamation of character."

The choreographer and former Laker girl also says: "I'm a warrior. I'm not the best dancer, and I'm certainly not the best singer, but I am an entire package of a great performer."

You go, girl.

BARF.

Worst. Couple. Picture. Ever.

Fuck this.

Gimme this.

I can't swim but if I could this would be cool

The Manhattan Island Foundation, est. 1993, organises swimming events in the waters around Manhattan. Since its inception, the Foundation has attracted nearly 10,000 participants in more than 70 swimming races, thus helping to revive a local aquatic tradition that had been abandoned for nearly a century.

The season's premier contest is the annual Manhattan Island Marathon Swim, which draws an international roster of swimmers. This summer the Foundation is also hosting ten other events of various distances inlcuding two multi-sport races; and three open-water swim clinics.

The 2007 Swim Series began with a bang this past weekend at the Lady Liberty Swim. Results can be found here. If you missed the Lady Liberty, there's still time to enroll as a swimmer or a volunteer for the Park to Park Swim on June 10th.

Stroke it.

Band graffiti stopped being cool after Black Flag broke up; give it up, bro.
My boy Neil deGrasse Tyson schooled me to a term he coined;"Manhattanhenge". Apparently, tonight's sunset will be perfectly aligned (Postal Service?) with the east-west grid of Manhattan streets. However, my boy Tyson is saying Manhattanhenge '07 doesn't occur until tomorrow night and he's the one who made this shit up so I'll take his word for it. Viewing the phenomenon is best from the east side, which takes advantage of the long fetch of streets, from 14th Street and above. But, remember, staring at the sun, even a setting sun, is not a smart thing to do. I'd say go check it out tonight and if not, go tomorrow, too. What the hell else u gonna do?
How the fuck is a married millionaire NYC baseball player hanging with a Vegas stripper in Toronto somehow front page news?! I guess when celebs are falling over themselves to apologise to their public for not wearing their seatbelts, anything goes?
LAPD admits making "mistakes" during May Day riot; such as... oh, leaving behind living witnesses; y'know things of that nature.
Sundance Institute at BAM: Films from the 2007 Sundance Film Festival: This Saturday at 11:30pm Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten and again Fri, June 8 at 8:45pm. Holla.
Interpol (featuring Carlos D. and his wacky new nose broom) have added a NYC date at the Bowery Ballroom. Tickets are on sale for the June 5th show. Password = gaius
World oil prices jumped briefly today after a television station in Tulsa, Oklahoma -- the No. 62 U.S. media market -- posted an erroneous story about a refinery fire on its Web site. At 10:14 EDT, CBS affiliate KOTV reported that a lightning strike had caused a fire at an Oklahoma refinery -- sparking a flurry of excitement among energy traders and boosting U.S. crude prices 40 cents. The refining company announced the story was "completely wrong" and the station withdrew the story. "All it takes is a screw-up on a Web site to move the market. It just goes to show how tense this market is," said a Houston-based oil trader. Yeah, thanks. Maybe tmrw you can post that the U.S. is withdrawing from Iraq, effective immediately because a giant meteor is on its way. See what happens.
So "The Ronald Reagan Diairies" outsold Al Gore's new cookbook "Salt with Reason" book "Assault on Reason" in opening week action. Naturally everyone is trying to turn this into something symbolic.
Interview with an Ape? Awwwww.
I guess Matt Lauer is being punished for the seatbelt scandal; NBC announces its sending the "Today Show" to Cuba.
Prince is releasing a new "fragrance" and will play a Minneapolis mall to celebrate. If you buy the eau you'll get a free ticket to the show in the food court; Oh, thing is, the eau will run you $250 a bottle "plus service fees and taxes".
The Po wants to talk to Fat Joe; Joe Crack The Don was riding in his black Escalade (holla) with a guy and a girl who were both shot at & killed; the girl died on the scene and the kid died a few hours later in the hospital. I guess the fight started in the parking lot and carried over into the street after everyone got in their cars. South Beach, Miami draws large crowds of hip-hop heads for concerts and parties over the Memorial Day weekend. More than 700 people were arrested over the 3 days this year and over 1,000 were arrested during the same weekend last year.
Bonus Fun Fact: The year on a wine doesn't mean when it was bottled & corked but when the grapes were actually picked. However, this is a pretty dumb fun fact because you'd assume that if the grapes were picked in 1998, the goddamn thing would be bottled within the same YEAR, no? Ugh. Fuck whoever told me this.
Kylie Minogue spent her 39th birthday in London with sister Dannii. The pair (Oh my) spent most of the rainy day indoors but did manage to skeak out to the movies that evening. Low-key and lovely. Happy belated bday Kylie!

Lauer; Bush; presidential hopefuls all apologising for not finishing their supper

After challenging New Jersey Govenor Jon Corzine for not wearing a seat belt, "Today" show co-host Matt Lauer apologised today for an interview with Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney in which neither man wore a seat belt while driving through New Hampshire.

In an interview NBC is now using to promote the "Today" show, Lauer is shown questioning Corzine about the example he set, since New Jersey has a mandatory seat belt law. Following the accident, Corzine apologised, paid a fine as well as his hospital bills and taped a public service announcement promoting seat belt usage. Its the one that goes "Hi, I'm Governor Jon Corzine and I should be dead." Hahahaha!

Meanwhile, President Bush was criticised this month after he was shown driving unbelted on his Texas ranch... on the back of a bucking bronco.

Republican presidential contender Romney apologised for not wearing his belt in the Lauer interview, saying in a statement:
"Sometimes I forget to wear my seat belt. For my own safety, I need to keep reminding myself to buckle up."

OH GOD, will you ALL please just shut the FUCK up.

Lookalikes

More Lookalikes

All Aboard the Winehouse Bandwagon; Sir Elton eats it up

EJ and his man at a recent Winehaus gig in London.

Wanna see more pics of Winetits?

Holy Diamanda, Batman!

Why are new condos being advertised like new movies? "In a worrrrllddd..."

What the ish is this? I guarantee none of the people-types depicted in this wanna-be Warhol fucking CONDO coming attraction will be able to afford a studio in this gallant edifice.

pic by Copyranter

Bewildered, Sickened, Horrified and Puzzled

Stupid Yoko Ono was part of a stunt at a London radio station yesterday in which gonzo artist Mark McGowan ate cooked pieces of a Corgi, Queen Elizabeth II's dog of choice.

What the fuck?!

McGowan staged the dog-eating stunt to protest the Queen's husband's treatment of a fox on a hunt last year. Uh, what?

While the artist did his best to swallow a few chunks, Yoko could only manage a small taste before looking "a bit strange," according to McGowan.

Performance artist McGowan is a rabid vegetarian and animal-rights activist who once notoriously ate a swan to protest the monarchy. He says that the Corgi had died at a breeding farm.

I dunno, bro. Sometimes the stunt eclipses the reason. All I know is you ate a dog. I don't see what you've proven or what changes you've made. Have you raised awareness about the issue at hand ? Does the end justify the means? I'm torn, but I'm leaning towards thinking this dude is just a douche.

This is from McGowan's website:

In an extraordinary art event artist and animal rights activist Mark McGowan is to eat a Corgi dog live on the Radio on Tuesday 29th May 2007, in a protest against the Royals and their treatment of animals. The dog died recently at a Corgi breeding farm in Southern England and will be prepared and cooked for McGowan's consumption on the Bob and Roberta Smith radio programme on 104.4 Resonance FM at 9pm in the evening.

McGowan says, "I know some people will find this offensive and tasteless but I am doing this to raise awarness about the RSPCA's inability to prosecute Prince Phillip and his friends shooting a fox earlier this year, letting it struggle for life for 5 minutes and then beating it to death with a stick."

Rabid vegetarians don't eat swans and dogs. Oh, and what the fuck was Yoko doing there?!

That was easy; Staples employees jumped for wearing red

Two Staples store employees and a shopping center customer were beaten by reputed gang members, apparently for wearing red clothing yesterday. The Staples employees were dressed in red uniform polo shirts.

It was the second attack over colours in two months. In April, a 12-year-old boy was hit on the head with a skateboard after he refused to take off a red shirt.

Police stopped a car nearby and witnesses identified the suspects who were arrested and booked on suspicion of committing battery for gang purposes. One of the suspects was also was held on suspicion of drunken driving.

Staples has 190 stores in California and workers clad in the company's polo shirts have been assaulted at other stores because the colour red is claimed by The Bloods, spokeswoman Amy Shanler said. In some cases, Staples has changed the uniform to prevent further attacks. She wouldn't say which stores had changed their uniform colours. "We have changed the uniform before because of the gang situation," Shanler said. "There hasn't been anything discussed as far as this situation."

This is intense as it is important: A collection of information about each U.S. service member who has died in Iraq; Ghosts of war on MySpace

Army Private Clinton Tyler McCormick is buried in Florida, but his photo and his words are still online. They haven't changed since he logged in to his MySpace profile on Dec. 26, 2006 — the day before he was killed by a makeshift bomb in Baghdad.

In earlier wars, families had only the letters that soldiers sent home; often, bits and pieces were removed by cautious censors. Iraq is the first war of the Internet age, and McCormick is one of many fallen soldiers who have left ghosts of themselves online — unsentimental self-memorials, frozen and uncensored snapshots of the person each wanted to show to the world.

"I am a paratrooper, that means that I jump from a perfectly good airplane into who knows what," wrote Millican, who was 20 when he died.

Full article is here "Iraq's war dead live on - online"

Meanwhile, The Washington Post has compiled an exhaustive amazing collection of photographs and information about each U.S. service member who has died in Iraq and Afghanistan. It can be seen, here.

Take me home tonight, I don't want to let you go till you see the light

Ah, Germany in June... I was there last year at this time and it was hot as fuck. Now, its snowing! ... Freak snow, freezing temperatures and tropical storms across Europe. The next person that says "global warming" is getting punched right in the dick.

Oh, Martha, there you go pissing off the American Indians again: Martha Stewart's attempt to trademark "Katonah'', a move that has already riled some of her village neighbours, has now upset some American Indians because the name originally belonged to a 17th-century chief.

Russians don't fuck around: A house in Finland (aww beautiful Finland) belonging to Andrei Nekrasov was ransacked. Nekrasov is the director of "Rebellion: The Litvinenko Case" a film about Russian spy Aleksandr Litvinenko, who died in London last year after being poisoned with radioactive polonium. We talk about this a lot on this site so you should know the players by now. You may recall the film was added to the Cannes Film Festival at the last minute and people freaked out.

Freak snow storm hits Nepal. Nepal?! The snow storm is said to have hit a mountainous area where hundreds of people had gathered to collect an herb locally known as Yarshagumba, which is thought to increase sex drive. Don't tell me these knuckleheads were harvesting Horny Goat Weed?!

Interview with the dude who books for Union Hall.

The 20 Best "That Guys" of All Time: You know those B-list character actors just talented enough secure bit parts in a handful of movies every year, but not quite talented enough to become brand-name stars? Yeah, them.

Yo, that Mets game last night was dope. Yankees still blowing ass, lost again, 14 1/2 games out now; they've got the same record as the goddamn Devil Rays. I mean its gotten so bad for the Yanks that opponents are stealing home on them. Ha!

What a friggin' knob: Woman emails local news show for help after becoming trapped in room behind knobless door. I'm sorry bt this could only happen in Canada.

Some dude stole a $988,000 gold bathtub from a hotel in Tokyo. Fuck, and I thought I was a bad ass stealing towels and pillows.

Photobucket to Become Part of MySpace; Fox News Corp. owns the world. Your mothers ass is still for sale however.

A man with a rare and dangerous form of tuberculosis ignored doctors' advice and took two trans-Atlantic flights, leading to the first U.S. government-ordered quarantine since 1963. The dude took one flight for his wedding and honeymoon and another because he feared for his life. Hundreds of health authorities around the world are now scrambling to track down passengers who were seated near the man for testing. Health officials said that the man had been advised not to fly and that he knew he could expose others when he boarded the jets from Atlanta to Paris, and later from Prague to Montreal. The man, however, said that doctors didn't order him not to fly and only suggested he put off his long-planned wedding in Greece. He knew he had a form of tuberculosis and that it was resistant to first-line drugs, but he didn't realize it could be so dangerous, he said. He flew to Paris on May 12 aboard Air France Flight 385. While in Europe, health authorities reached him with the news that further tests had revealed his TB was a rare, "extensively drug-resistant" form, far more dangerous than he knew. They ordered him into isolation, saying he should turn himself over to Italian officials. Instead, the man flew from Prague to Montreal on May 24 aboard Czech Air Flight 0104, then drove into the United States at the Champlain, N.Y., border crossing. He told the newspaper he was afraid that if he didn't get back to the U.S., he wouldn't get the treatment he needed to survive.

Bibliophilia Bibliomania? Present.

A wise someone once said: "We buy books because we think we're buying the time to read them." That very well may be one of the most perfect statements I've ever heard.

I can lose a few hundred dollars at Barnes in about 15 minutes; and when I'm too impatient, I peruse Amazon. Yesterday I bought 4 books and 1 on Amazon.

My name is J, and I'm a book addict. The words are my heroin; the cashier my dealer; the security guards are the Feds. At lunch I rarely eat, instead I walk 5 blocks to the Barnes on 5th Avenue. I just want to smell the pulp and touch the covers and read the back covers. I want to see the little author pictures where it says where they live happily with their 2 children and 4 dogs.

When we were touring a lot I had one bag just for books; it weighed a ton. I used to bring 8 or 9 books per tour because I'm fully aware my A.D.D. is brutal; and there is nothing worse than being on an extended trip, reading two chapters of a book and getting bored and not having another book to reach for. I guess it's a lot like chain smoking; I get bored of one subject - could be after a few lines, a few pages, a few paragraphs or few chapters - and I need something else to stimulate me, immediately or else I'll crumble and start walking on the ceiling of the tour van, which I often did. Ask R., she'll tell you.

So yesterday I bought a book for a friend online in the morning. At lunch, I headed for Barnes. Like a junkie on his way to meet his dealer to get his fix under the time constraints of the corporate lunch hour. Up Madison Avenue, turn right on 5th, shit, I went too far over; Ok, stay calm, its only a few blocks down 5th now, ahh, there it is. Through the revolving doors; feel that rush of publicly traded funded freon cooling you down. I smell coffee and chocolate and books. Was I in heaven? Oh, no, just Barnes and Noble.

I dart for the "New Non-Fiction" section. I have no patience for fiction, but some of my friends do and my mom does and my friends mom does, so I touch some covers on the "New Fiction" table; I read some back covers; fanning the tight pages with my thumb like a deck of cards. I just love the ritual of stumbling across a book you never heard of that could change your life and there are just so many goddamn books on so many goddamn subjects. And they somehow all interest me on some level.

Right now I'm juggling a few books; I'm finishing up Farley Mowat's "Never Cry Wolf", I'm really just savouring it, I don't want to finish it but the end is nigh; I've got Neil deGrasse Tyson's "Death By Black Hole" on the right front burner and this morning I started an older Chuck Klosterman that had somehow slipped through my cracks called "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs". On top of these 3, we've got the few more I bought yesterday: Anthony Bourdain's "The Nasty Bits" and Elizabeth Wurtzel's classic "Prozac Nation" which I'd started reading in Manchester at Kimberly Close's house on Sunrise Road but never finished.

Chances are I'll finish a few of these and a few others will get put down and left for another time or maybe never. That's just how my head works. I'll get distracted with a new bundle of books and on and on it goes. I just love buying them and touching them. I love going home knowing my bag is extra heavy because its filled with new books. In fact, I'm perfectly happy with this addiction, I just wish I could afford it.

Oh and I failed to mention, last night I fell asleep reading and circling things within a listicle in the new ish of New York Magazine: "The Best Novels You’ve Never Read: Sixty-one critics reveal their favorite underrated book of the past ten years".

Perhaps I need an intervention?

Goodnight Irene, and by Irene I mean Apple: Microsfot Unveils New Surface Touch Computer

In the next year, Bill Gates will manage one of the highest-profile transitions in American business history — he’ll leave his day job as Chief Software Engineer at Microsoft, the $300 billion company he co-founded 32 years ago, and will move full time into philanthropy.

But before he leaves, Gates has a few more high-tech projects to finish. Until this morning, one project — almost five years in the making and code-named "Milan", — was top-secret.

It's a touch sensitive computer system, like an ATM screen but better. More like Megatouch. Watch the demo and trust me, you'll be Ooohing and Ahhhing, too.

What did we learn today?

Swimming White Tigers warm the cockles of even the coldest hearts.

Rabbit Island Never Die!

From Gothamist: Coney Island may be changing a lot after its last summer with Astroland scheduled to close and redevelopment of the area, but the people over at the Coney Island History Project are doing their best to preserve memories of the old Coney Island. This season, the project inaugurates a permanent home, which is fittingly under the Cyclone.

In its new space, the History Project already has events scheduled, with three exhibitions already slated for the summer: Land Grab! A History of Coney Island Development; The Queen of Coney Island (HEY!); and Sidewalk Photo Galleries and their Props. You can search their collection online, too.

Though Coney Island will undoubtedly change a lot once the summer is over, it's good to know that history will always be preserved in the Cyclone. The Cyclone and the space for the Coney Island History Project are landmarked - the perfect place to show people what Coney Island was like in the past.

Hours at the Coney Island History Project are Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, 11 am to 7 pm, through Labour Day.

What is it with Meg White?

What about Meg White is so strangely attractive? I mean I know she's pretty but theres something else there that I can't wrap my finger around. She's the girl-next-door from Detroit, she plays drums like Animal from The Muppets and to me she looks like she could be from London but not London proper, maybe a suburb; she looks like she's from Cambridge or Bromley or Quigney, even; somewhere several tube stops away from anything worth doing. I could listen to Meg's voice on "In the Cold, Cold Night" for a good 6 hours straight before it got annoying. I guess she's sort of got a Christina Ricci thing going on too, which is hardly ever bad.

Maybe its simple, then.

Anyway, AOL has posted the video for "Icky Thump", the first single off the new White Stripes record by the same name. Theres a striped horse, subtitles, crazy contact lenses, a scarlet room and more. The record comes out 19 June but I'm sure its online already so go get it.

File under: Shameless

Peter Max Lawrence throws grammar to the wind with his highly acclaimed piece "The Convetional War"

So I'm on Ebay perusing Peter Max prints and theres some dude on there going by the name "Peter Max Lawrence" and all his horrible $8 watercolour paintings are mixed in with the real Peter Max stuff. How annoying.

Its sort of like searching MySpace Music for Dylan songs and coming across these herbs also named Dylan playing acoustic guitars. Its like, bro, pick a new name. Your parents might've been cool enough at the time to name you Dylan but if you're gonna play music now, you've gotta lose the name. It's just silly, and if you're not doing it to be cocky, you're just naïve and always being both must be a drag.

I know record labels who think they're so fucking clever; strategically marketing their bands' albums to be filed under other stuff it sounds like instead of alphabetically where you would expect to find it. How lame and fake. If my bands' name starts with a goddamn "B" I want our CD to be filed under "B" not under "P" because our stupid record label think its clever and wants to exploit Pantera fans or whatever.

Ugh, I swear there is a very special place in hell for advertisers and marketing exces like that. The same ones who'd rather release a sequel than an original movie.

Sunny Day Women #12 & 35

Beautiful white tiger named Odin loves to swim. He's in San Fran at the zoo. I want to bite those hands off.

A radical group at a Bronx fundraiser ambushed Giuliani this morning, calling him, among other things, one of the "criminals of 9/11."

Mayor Bloomberg said renaming a Brooklyn street after Sonny Carson is one of the worst ideas the city council has ever considered. Carson led protests against police brutality in the 1980s. He has said he was anti-white and said he was proud of the rioters in Crown Heights in 1991. He died at age 66 in 2002.

We may live in an era of unprecedented change for telephones, but one thing has barely evolved in the last 125 years: the phone number. Between home, work, and cell, most of us have at least three of them to wrangle. When you think about it, the idea that both landline and wireless numbers must remain tied to specific equipment and geographical regions is pretty archaic. It's as if you needed separate e-mail addresses for every computer that you used—and had to change your e-mail address if you moved cross-country. Enter GrandCentral, a service that tries to bring the phone number into the modern era. For starters, it gives you a number that isn't permanently associated with any line or handset in particular. Actually, GrandCentral rings all your phones at once, after you've registered your existing numbers on the company's Web site. And if you move, all your friends can keep calling your GrandCentral number rather than having to learn a new one. You simply have to register your new lines and delete the old ones. In other words, as long as you're near any of your phones, you'll get every call that anyone makes to your GrandCentral number. Or not—many of the service's seemingly bottomless bag of tricks are designed to help you avoid talking to people. It screens calls with ruthless efficiency, forcing anyone whom it can't identify (through caller ID and your address book, which it can import from Microsoft Outlook or Gmail) to say who they are. It then tells you who's calling so you can decide if you want to answer. GrandCentral also blocks calls from known phone spammers; it can even play an uncannily realistic "you have reached a number that has been disconnected" recording for telemarketers or folks you just plain don't like. Yes, but will it scramble my eggs?

Fruit punch and her music give me a headache but I love this pic.

I'm sorry but beautiful Pamela's poor kids are gonna have serious issues when they grow up. See: The Oedipus Complex

Here's another pic of my boy Odin eating a tourists finger.

This is sad. Feed me Seymour!

Trifecta Tuesday

Salma Hayek is even hotter pregnant. I knew it.

Jessica Alba feeds drunken shirtless NASCAR fans at a human petting zoo in North Carolina.

Oh, Amy, where ya going girl? Love the hair, for reals.

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride... Nobody's gonna slow me down, Woah no I got to keep on moving...

Am I getting dumber or just more neurotic as I get older?

Have you ever sat down to watch a nice, brainless entertaining movie and as soon as you get settled with your popcorn and chocolate milk, a big block of text comes up on the screen; its telling you some important shit about the plot of the movie so you have to read it? Ugh. I thought this was a movie, not summer reading!

So you start reading the screen as a silent panic washes over you; will I finish reading this before it vanishes off the screen? I don't think I've ever not finished what was on the screen yet still I sometimes panic.

I'm thinking to myself "Well, they must allot a standard amount of time; surely they must know how long the lowest level average reader will take to read these words on the screen. It's all been tried and tested and studied. So what if I don't finish? Am I dumb? Am I too slow?!" I'll sort of get started reading the actual words with one eye and then start scanning the length and size of the entire paragraph to see if I even stand a chance with the other eye. It's all quite unsettling.

A similar wave of panic rushes over me when I'm prompted with these anti-spam word puzzle things.

I was sending a bunch of emails over the weekend and suddenly I'm on some game show being asked to decipher these curved letters or else they won't let me send my mail. What the fuck? If you have ever fallen to the depths of sending that many emails in one day I'm certain you know what I'm talking about.

So I sit there squinting at this box of warped and disfigured letters in a big disarray trying to dissuade ME, the "spammer" from sending my emails.

So, ok, that first letter kinda looks like a "K"...but...hmm, it has some kind of horizontal line above it. This obviously isn't a "K" that I've seen before. Ok, I'll take a chance and put "K"... but I definitely don't feel confident about it, perhaps its a backwards "G"? Moving on. Ok, the next two are obviously a lower-case "c" and capital "A" or is that an "H" with a pinched roof? They tried to trick me with the diagonal line in between, but I once took that psychological exam where you look at the picture and you either see the young woman or older woman. Well, I saw both. So my eyes are not easily tricked. Nice try, MySpace! Moving along...what the shit is that? A European "7" ?! This is mind bending. It could also be a Polish "Z". Hmmm... I knew it wouldn't be this easy.

The best part is, if you fail, they'll give you a fresh, new puzzle to solve.

Usually by the third or fourth attempt, they'll give you one that says "DOG" in big bold arial type. As if the computer is totally laughing at you now. "Ok, you fucking moron, you're obviously not some genius computer hacker or spammer, you just wanna send your friend a stupid photo of you mooning an old lady, so, here, solve this one..." and that's when they'll roll out the "D-O-G" puzzle.

Dumbass.

Reading Rainbow Revisited: A Book Report

I'm reading this book by my boy Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist, director of the Hayden Planetarium and host of "Nova Science Now". The book be called "Death By Black Hole and Other Cosmic Quandaries". Just being seen holding this book makes you look mad smart.

Anyway, Neil has been schooling me on some serious shit. I was never really into science or space much but the idea that we, as in Planet Earth, are just a speck of dust in an infinite universe has always blown my mind as I've always been fascinated with anything that makes me feel totally depressed or completely meaningless.

The concept of this infinite universe is awe-inspiring no matter how you slice it; it will either make you feel worthless and insignificant or it will make you more carefree, knowing so much of our world is totally ephemeral; every beef we have, every little problem we think is the end all / be all of our tiny existence is really absolutely nothing at all when thrust upon the grand canvas of things.

I relate appreciating and understanding the concept of the universe to how we deal with death. Losing someone we love will surely fuck us up in more ways than we could ever prepare for. And once the grief gets comfortable in your soul, you will lean either one way or the other; you'll be paralyzed with fear and regret; feeling like how could there possibly be any real meaning to life when death is so senseless and merciless... or you will be impassioned by a death to live your life more fully and carefree but for the same reasons, because life is so short and meaningless.

The more I read about space and black holes and all this crap, the more I feel like someone I love has just died; someone inspiring and happy, and I need to be happier and live without regret and live everyday doing whatever makes me happy, no matter what it is.

I really didn't mean for this story to turn into some Dr. Phil bullshit. Actually, I only came here to tell you about a fun fact I learned from this book about gravity.

You know how we assume that in space there is no gravity, you just float around and drink Tang and wave to a stupid camera? Well, its all bullshit, save for the Tang and the camera.

The condition of weightlessness in space is one of the most commonly misunderstood concepts of popular science; weightlessness and the concept of zero gravity are actually apples and oranges.

Gravity is an attractive force which all matter possesses. Every bit of matter attracts every other bit of matter. The strength of that attraction depends on two things - the mass of any two objects, and the distance between those objects.

Weightlessness in deep space is due to the tremendous distances between massive objects. Stuff is so far apart out there that the gravitational attraction imposed on an interstellar spacecraft is very subtle, but certainly not escapable.

Thats why when you see those stupid astronauts floating around it looks like their in slow motion or underwater; a very small amount of gravity is pulling on them because they are so far away from earth. Gravity is present but it just isn't that strong a force up in deep space.

Understand? I hope so because this is starting to get a little too Star Trek and I fucking hate that show.

Wow, talk about full circle journalism... I start out talking about Reading Rainbow which was hosted by none other than LeVar Burton who would later play some dick on Star Trek.

Fuck, I'm on fire today.

One.

Do you realise it's been 5 YEARS since we had to start dialing area codes within the boroughs! Time flies. It still feels odd dialing 1-718 just to call down the street from my haus.
Barnes and Noble people will LOVE you if you're looking for a book and you give them the book's ISBN number. They'll literally shower you with thanks and praise. Make their day and try it.
Check out this wonderful site if you know what and where "Beechwood 4-5789" is all about.

"Polaaand Spring, coming to you straight from Ming"

When I was a kid thats what I thought the Poland Spring theme was and thats because Maine doesn't rhyme with Spring you dolts!

Miss USA busts her ass at the Miss Universe contest; yet another reason why girls should stay out of stupid high heels. Keep it kitten, ladies. HOLLA.

Oh my God! Family goes one week without television or internet: Inside a family's harrowing survival diary.

Need a gig? Down to take a bullet for some Bush? The Secret Service is hiring.

Maybe I'm missing something with not eating fried chicken? Sounds like people are risking their lives for a seat with the Colonel... Cops are investigating what sparked a shooting last night at a Kennedy Fried Chicken on Archer Street in the Bronx, some dude walked in and shot 4 teenaged customers... Meanwhile a car smashed into the front of a Popeye's on 145th Street in Harlem on Monday. Three customers were injured when the sedan smashed through brick and windows.

I watched an amazing episode of Howard TV last night; Artie and Howard were both welling up with a burnt-out Artie on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown and laying it all out there. It was really intense, brutally candid and totally worth only getting 4 hours of sleep last night. If you have Howard TV, watch it tonight. Honestly, it was riveting.

I haven't listened to this dude in weeks but for some reason I can't get this song out of my fucking head. It's driving me insane.

Have you searched Craigslist lately? It's overflowing with people hemorrhaging Yankee tickets and that's because they suck. Following a 7-2 defeat to the goddamn Toronto Bluejays last night, the Yanks find themselves in last place in the AL East, 13 1/2 games behind Boston. Haha!

Chasing the dragon; Scratching the itch

Why does it feel so goddamn good to scratch an itch? I have always wondered.

Ever see a dog really laying in to an itch behind her ear? My dog nearly falls over sometimes because she scratches herself into a trance. It makes me jealous.

Why the F does it feel so good?!?!?!!

I don't really care about why we itch or what makes us itch, thats boring and everything I read on the subject makes me feel like I'm back in school. So, scratch that.

I just wanna know what goes on when we scratch an itch; depending on the whereabouts, it can almost be orgasmic to finally scratch the shit out of that elusive bitch of an itch and once you start-a-scratchin' you don't wanna stop, right? Well, it turns out orgasms and itching are actually cousins; its all pleasure receptor shit. For as intricate as our bodys are, the pleasure department is pretty simple and the same guy who makes you feel great when you scratch that certain spot, is also the dude who makes you feel amazing when you're doing something sexual. Holla.

So, I found itching has to do with histamine. "Histamine?!" I said. When I hear the word histamine I immediately think of medicine and Rite Aid but thats because I'm actually thinking of anti-histamine. Ah ha!

Stay with me, friends. I'm onto something here...

Histamine is actually a chemical protein inside our body which is released during an allergic reaction. Histamine commands some of our itch nerves to transmit information to the spinal cord where it is processed and zipped off to the brain. Thats why if you have allergies you'd take an anti-histamine medicine; to block histamines signaling powers and therefore muting your allergic symptoms. Got it? Ok, now we can move on.

The sites activated in the brain when we itch are very similar to those switched on when we're in pain except pain causes a withdrawal response whereas itching causes a response that makes you want to go toward the site of the itching. Very interesting.

Which leaves the main issue of why scratching feels so fucking good. The pleasure receptor road is actually a one-way street so the brain can only juggle one thing at a time. If the brain is sending you an itch and you're sending back a scratch, its gonna process the scratch and thats gonna feel good because you are squelching the itch for the time being; stimulating the nerves with an answer to what its sending out. You feel me?

Too much scratching, however, can trigger an "itch-scratch cycle", I like to call it "the pleasure tailspin" in which the scratching aggravates the body into releasing more histamine, which causes swelling, which stimulates nerve endings, which causes more itching. . . . and next thing you know you're passed out on your bathroom floor with your hand down your boxers.

Depending on where the itch is, more or less nerve receptors will be stimulated sending more or less good times back to your brain.

This is why scratching an itch on your arm will feel dope, but scratching an annoying itch on your back will feel a lot better because its closer to your spinal cord; and we all know scratching an itchy head is the bomb and thats because of all the nerve endings on your scalp, son. It's pretty simple.

So if you follow the human urge to scratch, you're going along a well-trodden neurological pathway that is hardwired into the brain. It's very satisfying. Medicines or tricks that suppress itching are sometimes not as gratifying. That shudder of pleasure from scratching that itch may be from a release of endorphins that give you a natural high.

Fuck yeah, now you're talking... endorphins!

Scratching turns on nerves that stimulate pleasure systems in the brain. The same pleasure systems that go buck when we...

Girlfriend upset boyfriend changed her ring tone

Mina Tran, 22, and her boyfriend Phillip Lei, 27, were on their way to a movie Saturday night in Phil’s Acura when suddenly Phil thought he’d left his phone back at the pool hall.

Phil asked Mina to call his phone to make sure it wasn’t in the car. But when the phone rang under his seat he smiled relieved while Mina recoiled in shock and disgust.

“What the fuck ring is that? You put me back on the default ringer? What, I’m just one of your little ho’s now?!”, Mina raged.

Phil tried to explain that he’d gone into Mina’s contact to try and edit her name so when she called it would come up as ‘Mina Baby’ but he “must’ve forgotten to reset the ring tone back to the special one”.

Mina became so inconsolable she had Phil drop her off at the train station. They haven’t spoken since but remain in each others’ Top 24.

“I’m hopeful”, Phil said.

Check the Rhyme y'all

I love Andie's non-commital hand in this photo around whats-her-faces waist. Oh, Andie.

Man obsessed with cleanliness dies from the disinfectant he compulsively bathed in.

Lifeguards closed Florida beach today after they performed more than 200 rescues during a three hour period.

Aww, the other night I let a cat cross in front of my car; we had a stand-off and then I just waved at it motioning for it to go ahead and cross in front of me and it did; we shared a tender moment. Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in the UK, a man causes a 5 car pile up swerving to avoid a goldfish in a bag in the middle of the road.

The kids are getting restless; kids in Sweden are bored so they're setting themselves on fire and then diving into lakes. Hey, why not.

The Euro's a really bugging out today... A Dutch reality television show in which a terminally ill woman is to select one of three contestants to receive her kidneys when she dies is to air this week despite criticism that it pushes the boundaries of the format too far.
Joe Rogan suggested having the contestants eat the mentally ill kidneys; NBC says that would be OK.

Chicken, Waffles and Cadillacs coming through windows... A car smashed into the front of a Popeye's in Harlem today. Three customers were injured when the sedan smashed through brick and windows, but were treated on the scene. Police closed down the restaurant at 145th Street and Fredrick Douglass Boulevard for the rest of the day and pulled the sedan from the building's facade. It wasn't clear if the driver was injured or what caused the crash.

"Why is it so difficult to accept that ancient man explored the world?" said the German man from Jersey City who wants to cross the Atlantic using a raft made of reeds and eucalyptus. Dominique Gorlitz says the two-month journey he and 11 others will make will prove that people could have traveled across the ocean in prehistoric times.

Iraq Veterans Against the War; Memorial Day in NYC

From Gothamist: The Iraq Veterans Against the War, dressed in full uniform, engaged in a series of street theater actions around the New York City area yesterday. Actual veterans of the Iraq war played American service members and local volunteers played the civilians. The event was treated like a military operation with squad patrols, searches, detentions, and crowd control. An IVAW member, Adam Kokesh, said, "By reenacting what we've been through in Iraq, we hope to inspire more of our fellow Americans to act to end the war now."

Will someone get poor Lindsay L. some help? She is such a mezz. Here she is passed out and puking that night after her coke bust on Sunset Blvd. I love a girl who celebrates getting busted for partying with more partying.
I predict in 5 years, CD's will be just about obsolete.
Two Cinci Reds smash into each other in the outfield; Freel knocked out and carted off.
Raw footage from the fire at ABC 7 last night.
Right Said Fred singer Richard Fairbrass and gay rights activist Peter Tatchell were attacked during a march in Moscow. Trouble broke out when demonstrators tried to appeal against a ban on a gay rights march through the Russian capital. Police arrested about a dozen demonstrators and forced them into a bus. The banned march was aimed at marking the 14th anniversary of Russia decriminalising homosexuality. Tatchell was one of several demonstrators punched and kicked by nationalists shouting "death to homosexuals". Heres video of Tatchell getting punched.
Las Vegas Jabba the Hutt Judge abusing her power; has dudes rubbing her feet and fixing her lunch.
Warm on wine, Rosie speaks and sneezes into her shirt. Says Hasseltits called after their now-infamous argument on "The View" and spoke to O'Donnell's partner Kelli. But O'Donnell says she didn't speak to Hasselbeck and "probably won't." She says they exchanged emails. O'Donnell quit "The View" after she called Hasselbeck "cowardly" for not defending her when critics said she compared U.S. troops to terrorists. During the argument, the director used a split screen with O'Donnell on one side and Hasselbeck on the other. She says when she saw the split screen that's when she "knew it was over."
A man clad only in his underewear wrestled an adorable wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family. hahaha
Mr. Cool, The Toothpaste !!! Health officials have seized more than 350 tubes of Chinese-made toothpaste tainted with a deadly chemical reportedly found in tubes sold elsewhere in the world. Health Secretary Maria Avila said 56 tubes of toothpaste containing a chemical commonly used in antifreeze and brake fluid had been found so far. As far as we know, there is no relation between Mr. Cool, The Toothpaste and Mr. Cool Ice (seen below).
A JetBlue Airbus was heading from Rochester to JFK when it was struck by lightning. A smell similar to that of an electrical fire entered the passenger cabin, but there was no fire or smoke. The emergency allowed Flight 43 to land before other scheduled flights. That meant the passengers got to their destination about 20 minutes early; a first for JetBlue at JFK. Ooohhh snap!
Portions from from Perez Hilton: Remember that scene in Truth or Dare when Kevin Costner comes backstage? Well, more than fifteen years later, he's still talking about Madonna. When asked by her Madgesty what he thought of her Blond Ambition concert, he replied that it was "neat." After he makes a hasty exit from her dressing room, Madonna mockingly shoved her finger down her throat and says, "Anybody who says my show is 'neat' has to go." Well, apparently that whole incident in her film hurt his feelings, but he and Madonna have since made up. He tells the LA Times all about it. "Yeah, I was embarrassed by it and kind of hurt by it. I just went back there because I was asked to go back. And I found the best word that I could. I never called her on it or whatever. "But she did a really beautiful thing. She was performing in L.A. about three or four years ago, so I decided to take my daughters to see her. I just thought this is somebody they should see. I didn't call anybody for tickets, I just got tickets and we went down.... "And about the third song in, the lights were down, and she said, 'I want to apologise to someone.' And all of a sudden my face starts to get hot.... And she says, 'I want to apologize to Kevin Costner.' She just said it very simply. Ninety-eight percent of that audience didn't know what she was talking about. But I really respected that, and it showed me the power of just keeping your own counsel for a long time.... Whatever possessed her, whatever was inside her, she came to her own decision. And a bigger thing came out of some kind of humiliation. "I never wrote her to say thank you, but I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, and that meant more to me than you could ever know." Oh, they are SO totally gonna make out now.
Don't forget to tune in to the WABC 770 AM for the annual rewound show!!! The schedule is here, featuring old tapes from Dan Ingram, Ron Ludy, Harry Harrison and of course Cousin Brucie. Check it. Interestingly, the many of the tapes do not come from the station’s own archives. Instead most of the vintage tapes come from hobbyist aircheck collectors who have a thriving trading community that trades recordings from stations throughout North America and the world. So what is offered is a bit random, since it is just what someone happened to tape and was in good enough condition to broadcast.

The Party's Over; We remember Missing Foundation

Missing Foundation harked back to the sound and style of early industrial provocateurs like Throbbing Gristle and Einsturzende Neubauten, not just in their tribal percussion onslaught but also in their theatrical social-protest stunts.

Led by Pete Missing, MF was a collective with several core members, several more auxiliary members, and a host of associates that swelled their ranks to as many as 20. Fueled by anarchist politics, the band favored agitprop slogans chanted over a cacophonous racket of metal, machinery, oil drums, garbage, and other found-object percussion, with guitar and other traditional instruments audible only occasionally.

Their anti-establishment screeds took aim at a variety of targets, but what truly mattered were the group's incendiary live events -- destructive spectacles that provoked civil disturbances, histrionic media outrage, and citywide bans by nervous club owners.

Even the band's logo -- an upside-down martini glass in the cryptographic Neubauten style that came to signify “The Party's Over" -- was the center of a widespread graffiti campaign on New York's Lower East Side, a discomforting weapon used to devalue properties and slow the area's gentrification (in keeping with the band's special concern for the poor and homeless).

MF lead vocalist Pete Missing was born in the Bronx in the late ‘50s, and got his feet wet on the New York music scene with the punk band Drunk Driving, which was formed in 1980 and actually spawned the future MF martini-glass logo.

Missing later moved to Hamburg, Germany, where he formed an early, short-lived incarnation of Missing Foundation in 1984 with Florian Langmaack. Helped by several extra percussionists and members of KMFDM, this group did perform live but soon broke up.

Missing returned to New York and started a new version of Missing Foundation in 1985, which also featured drummers Chris Egan and Mark Ashwill, as well as VKP and Adam Nodleman; Langmaack would later come to New York and rejoin as well, adding saxophone and sampling to the percussion-heavy mix.

The group's early live performances, including a notorious appearance at CBGB's, soon marked them as a chaotic and confrontational outfit whose fans couldn't be trusted to leave a venue intact. Missing took to singing through megaphones, in part because clubs would often pull the plug on the regular sound system.

With a core membership of Missing, Langmaack, Egan, and Ashwill, MF grew to encompass a variety of musicians, visual artists, and activists who contributed to the band's performances; some of them included Dave Kelly, Bones 23, and Mark Laramee, among many others. Missing Foundation's self-titled first album appeared in 1987 on the Purge/Sound League label, initially on cassette only.

Their second release, 1988's 1933 -- whose title and concept linked the modern U.S. with Germany just before the rise of the Nazis -- was nearly as musically primitive, but made a much bigger splash thanks to a concert in New York's Tompkins Square Park that sparked a full-scale riot. Various members had been arrested for political demonstrations, mostly on the subject of housing rights, but this incident was directly related to the group's performance antics.

In the wake of the riot, the FBI started tailing Missing, hoping to find evidence of violent criminal activity, and police raided his ex-wife's residence in search of weapons. New York's local CBS affiliate did a sensationalist three-part story (“Cult of Rage") on the band, flinging wildly inaccurate charges of Satanism and building them up into a malevolent menace on the level of the Manson Family.

In the midst of the hubbub, MF formed their own label, Humanity, and completed their third album, Demise, in 1989. They supported it with a European tour (American gigs were getting hard to find), and subsequently signed a contract with Restless Records, which reissued their first three albums in 1990. Also that year, the band released their proper Restless debut Ignore the White Culture, a somewhat more accessible effort that many aficionados consider the band's best. They next undertook a Gulf War-themed tour of Europe in 1991, burning gasoline and American flags at every show to protest American policy.

A final Missing Foundation album, Go Into Exile, appeared in 1992; its title proved prophetic, as the group subsequently disbanded. Missing moved to Berlin in 1993 and stayed there until 2000; living in an artists' collective, he worked primarily on visual installations, but also collaboration on the occasional musical project. Langmaack also returned to Germany, while Egan -- who'd done most of the band's photography -- became a photojournalist. Mark Ashwill died of cancer in 2000. ~ Steve Huey, All Music Guide

Space Elevators and Other Cosmic Quandaries

A space elevator is a proposed structure designed to transport material from a celestial body's surface into space. Many different types of space elevators have been suggested. They all share the goal of replacing rocket propulsion with the traversal of a fixed structure via a mechanism not unlike an elevator in order to move material into or beyond orbit.

Space elevators have also sometimes been referred to as beanstalks, space bridges, space lifts, space ladders, skyhooks or orbital towers. Sorta like those things in the clouds in Mario Brothers.

The most common proposal is a tether, usually in the form of a cable spanning from the surface to a point beyond geosynchronous orbit.

As the planet rotates, the inertia at the end of the tether counteracts gravity, and also keeps the cable taut. Vehicles can then climb the tether and escape the planet's gravity without the use of rocket propulsion. Such a structure could theoretically permit delivery of cargo and people to orbit with transportation costs a fraction of those of more traditional methods of launching a payload into orbit.

Recent proposals for a space elevator are notable in their plans to incorporate carbon nanotubes into the tether design, thus providing a link between space exploration and nanotechnology.

I usually talk about this shit LOUDLY in bars; everyone jumps at the chance to buy an astrophysicist a drink and once they hear me say "carbon nanotubes" the girls always come runnin'.

We barefootin'; Daaaaaaaaan Ingram!

I don't care how you feel about war or politics or Hagar-era Van Halen, Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died fighting for this country but for most it simply marks the beginning of summer. People have been dying for this country for a long time; fighting wars they had no idea why they were fighting. Read some history about Memorial Day; its not just about stupid hot dogs and BBQ's. If your family lost someone in a war or you have a friend in Iraq right now, take a minute to think about them today. There's parades and shit going on all over the place. Check it out

"We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies."

Fire at ABC-7 last night... A fire at the Upper West Side WABC-TV studios knocked out Sunday night's programming and caused the evacuation of the television network's building... The screen went black a few minutes before the 11 o'clock news and remained so until 12:50 am when the test bars came up; programming finally resumed at 1 AM. Kenny Plotnik, the station's news director, said that the blaze started when one of the lights in the first-floor studio burst and a curtain caught fire, but an FDNY spokesman for the said they were still investigating the cause. The fire was extinguished quickly, but it sent smoke throughout the entire building, forcing about 50 staff members to evacuate. Several shows are recorded at the studios, including "Live with Regis and Kelly." Oh, Kelly, be careful!

Speaking of ABC, today is WABC 770 AM's 9th annual Memorial Day Rewound... all oldies and old airchecks featuring the old WABC guard, all day long... all the jingles, the old commercials and all that reverb, too! Tune in and get schooled. Daaaaaan Ingram!

Tenants lucky enough to hold a lease on one of the country's largest apartment complexes, the twin developments of Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village, pay a fraction of the market rate. The savings allow a lifestyle unavailable to many middle-class New Yorkers, replete with vacation bungalows and kids in parochial school. Motherfuckers. But now residents of one of the last middle-class bastions in ever-more-expensive Manhattan say their new landlord is using Orwellian tactics in an attempt to drive them out and raise rents. Well, yeah.

Mom Arrested for Snorting Drugs in Front of Kid at a Wal-Mart... Suffolk police arrested a Farmingville woman for snorting heroin through a straw as she pushed her 3-year-old child in a shopping cart at Wal-Mart. Yes, but was it a crazy straw she took from the kids lemonade?

Venezuela's oldest private television station went off the air following President Hugo Chavez's decision to pull the plug on the popular channel harshly critical of the government, a move that sparked violent clashes between protesters and police... "Todo tiene su final" - "Everything Has Its End."

Barbra Streisand canceled her concert in Rome next month - a move that followed protests by Italian consumer groups angered by what they said were excessively high ticket prices. Uh, its stupid Babs not Fugazi, what the fuck did u expect?

A harrowing film about illegal abortion in Communist-era Romania beat 21 movies by well-known directors such as Quentin Tarantino, Ethan and Joel Coen, and Wong Kar-wai to win the Cannes Film Festival's top prize Sunday. Romanian director Cristian Mungiu's low-budget film, "4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days," depicts the horrors a student goes through to ensure her friend can have a secret abortion.

Charles Nelson Reilly, the Tony Award winner who later became known for his ribald appearances on the "Tonight Show" and various game shows, has died. He was 76. Reilly died Friday in Los Angeles of complications from pneumonia, his partner, Patrick Hughes, told the New York Times.

Hang on, Hold Steady

A very vicious rumour has it Hold Steady's lead singer/songwriter Craig Finn has finally found a reliable dealer in New York and his name is Chavo.

We hear Chavo is very punctual, his product is quality, he'll deliver to Craig wherever he is and his price is unbeatable. Sounds almost too good to be true, no?

But could this signal the beginning of the end for The Hold Steady?!

One could safely assume that Finn finally finding a reliable fix will fuck things up royally; what with the crux of Craig's colourful lyrics revolving around his vibrant trials and tribulations trying to score.

"I called up Chavo at nine and he came right on time,
We met up on the corner of Commerce and Vine...
Yeah, he made me feel so fine..."

... will not have quite the same power unfortunately.

Is Chavo some sort of harbinger disguised as a saviour of Craig Finn? I mean we all want Craig to be happy and get his fix but part of me is selfishly hoping Chavo will flake out in due time.

Anyway, we're trying to nail down Chavo for an interview; we'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, The Hold Steady are on tour right now and the not-so-new record is still wonderful and the one before that damn near perfect.

We're looking forward to seeing them at the ol' bandshell in August. Ya heard?

Mr. T: The Duck on Ebay

Limited edition, non-toxic vinyl Mr. T Duck will float in your bathtub, despite being weighted with gold chainage.

As they say in Ebay land: BID HARD!

Bulemic Sony exec develops TV thin as paper

In the cutthroat race for ever-thinner displays for TVs, cell phones and other gadgets, Sony may have developed one to beat them all - a razor-thin display that bends like paper while showing full-color video.

Sony Corp. released video of the new 2.5-inch display Friday. In it, a hand squeezes a display that is .01 inch, thick. The display shows color images of a bicyclist stuntman and a picturesque lake.

Although flat-panel TVs are getting slimmer, a display that's so thin it bends in a human hand marks a breakthrough.

Sony said it has yet to decide on commercial products using the technology.

"In the future, it could get wrapped around a lamppost or a person's wrist, even worn as clothing," said Sony spokesman Chisato Kitsukawa. "Perhaps it can be put up like wallpaper."

Miss Kazakhstan 2007 speaks out against Borat. No, really.

Miss Kazakhstan said her country is preparing its own movie in response to "Borat," which portrayed the Central Asian nation as bigoted and backward.

Gauhkar Rakhmetalieva, a contestant at the Miss Universe beauty pageant, said her government is filming the movie to show the nation's positive sides.

Rakhmetalieva admitted "Borat" brought much-need publicity to Kazakhstan and theres no hard feelings. Oh, well thats good to know.

"In the end we have to understand that it was only a joke," Rakhmetalieva said ahead of Monday's Miss Universe pageant in Mexico City. "The advantage is that now our country is world famous. As people are looking toward us, we have the opportunity to show how we really are: a modern country with infrastructure and a very developed culture."

British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's film, "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan," won several awards but angered some for its portrayal of Kazakhstan. The movie also poked fun at Americans.

And that's where I draw the line.

Williamsburg gets a new park ... A new what?!

Click the pic to make it bigger. (Thats what she said)

It's not quite "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" but a brand new park is providing a public vantage point on the East River in Williamsburg.

The seven-acre state park finally opened yesterday at the end of North Ninth Street. It doesn't yet have a name or trees -- Oh Lord, please don't make the locals vote -- but several yokels were enjoying the grass (far out, man), picnic tables (pass the brie) and view on opening day.

The state bought the land for more than $7 million. It's part of a plan to redevelop former industrial areas along the north Brooklyn waterfront. Neighbourhood groups have been pushing for open space in the area for years; one "neighbourhood group" is actually called The Open Space Alliance or some shit.

Heres more to read if you're still hungry.

Lou Reed jammed with The Kid last night; heres some videos of The Kid, too

Bright Eyes at Town Hall last night; each of the seven nights will have a different guest. Lou Reed was last nights guest and old Lou looks like he has no clue where he should be on that fretboard. (picture respectfully poached from Loose Record.com)

Netflix for handbags? This might be brilliant. Ladies, holla!

It's literally like Netflix for handbags. Bag, Borrow or Steal charges a monthly membership; you pick a bag and can keep for as long as you want, when you're done with it send it back, and they'll send you a new one from your cue. How fabulous!

Memberships

There is no time limit; you can keep a bag for six months or keep it for a year. As long as your account is in good standing, they let you do whatever you want. You can borrow anything you want from their catalog and they'll just charge you an additional fee either by-the-week or by-the-month for each thing you borrow. For the first three months of membership, you can borrow up to three items at a time; and then after three months, you can borrow as many as five items. Holla.

Couture—Runway worthy handbags and jewelry from top designers such as Gucci and Rosiblu starting at $175 a month.
Diva—Luxurious, dream bags and jewelry from designers such as Louis Vuitton and Charriol starting at $90 a month.
Princess—Confidently versatile accessories from designers such as Betsey Johnson and Pianegonda starting at $40 a month.
Trendsetter—Fresh, trend-forward accessories from designers such as Dooney & Bourke and Lori Bonn starting at only $20 a month. Th' fuck is "trend-forward"?

I'd like to give the world a hug...

Government officials are warning people to throw away a contact lens solution after an investigation linked it to a rare eye infection. The warning concerns AMO Complete Moisture Plus Multi-Purpose Solution which is used for cleaning and storing soft contact lenses. The solution is made by Advanced Medical Optics, a California firm.

It seems like ancient history but it is barely a dozen years since the beginning of “the net” – when it was, in fact, scarcely a net at all, more a series of links between communications companies and university laboratories with computers. The US military encouraged and developed these multiple links to ensure that in a nuclear strike, communications could be routed through one of many interlinked networks of computers. This early net was an arid place of computer code with only a few bulletin boards and user groups featuring text, mostly in jargon. The idea that it would one day become a global marketplace for music, movies and above all pornography was unimaginable. Until, that is, a hyperintelligent nerd with a goatee beard, a degree in computer science and not much of a social life thought he might just have an idea.

2 dead, 3 wounded in Perth Amboy bar brawl / shooting last night.

Cops found coke in Lindsay Lohans 2005 Mercedes SL-65 when it crashed on Sunset Boulevard last night. Someone better tie this girls ankle to a radiator until she wises up.

Latin music songwriter and producer Fabio Alonso Salgado a.k.a. Estefano was shot & critically wounded last night by his pot dealer.

Joaquin Phoenix slipped out of the theater the moment the lights dimmed at the Cannes premiere of his gritty crime drama "We Own the Night." He can't stand seeing himself on screen. "There's no benefit. Why would I watch? What, just to look at yourself?" he said in an interview Saturday with The Associated Press. Chill with the humble routine bro, we all know its because you can't stand seeing that D.L. harelip of yours on a giant movie screen.

Mad beef betwixt Blair and The Queen.

ACHTUNG! Fanta and Pespi Max might make you grow horns and a third eye.

NASA is looking for a company to help sponsor their next voyage to the moon... Uhh... and since when does NASA need money?

Y'all remember Jack Kevorkian? Well, he's being paroled and he's 79 now.

Is that fucking suicide machine the crudest looking thing you've ever seen or what?

Scientists have bred cows that produce skimmed milk and hope to establish herds of the cattle to meet the demands of health-conscious consumers... Say, how's that cancer and AIDS cure comin' along guys?

Where Else but Roswell? Alien Theme Park: How corny. I drove through Roswell once and it was so fucking lame. Not creepy at all, or romantic or any of that shit you'd hope it to be, it was just a lame little town selling neon alien head keychains; basically a complete tourist trap. Whenever we'd ask anyone at a 7-11 or a gas station if they'd seen any aliens they'd ALL say "well, not today. heh heh"; that was the party line. It was as if they were all programmed to answer the same clever way. That was probably the only spooky thing about the whole town which like 10 blocks long. However, White Sands, New Mexico was fucking beautiful and creepy as shit.

How to Know If He's a Keeper (BARF!)

These AOL News fluff pieces are a guilty pleasure of mine. I guess when its a slow news day AOL dips into their arsenal like anyone else; fire up that milquetoaster and lather up some buttery and disposable articles. Speaking of buttery, I would kill for a warm slice of diner toast right now, but anyway...

Tonight when I signed on to AOL, I noticed this amazing exposé on "How to Know If He's a Keeper: What Kind of Attention Means He's Really Into You? 11 Deal Breakers" AOL is truly at the top of their game because let me tell you girlfriend, this article could not have come a moment too soon.

How to Know If He's a Keeper: Whether you are in a relationship or have just met someone, you may be asking if your man is truly the right one for you. AOL Love and Sex Coach, Dr. Bethany Marshall, author of 'Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away,' tells you what signals to watch for in order to figure out if he's a keeper or not.

Fuck that fraud Bethany Marshall anyway, we've got the preeminent Queen B, Gotham City's leading resident Médecin d'Amour.

Here's the article in its entirety.

Bay Ridge gets smooth; D.O.T. Milling & Resurfacing Crews get loose

If you live in the hook you should've noticed the last few weeks crews have been ripping up our streets while we sleep; preparing them to be repaved. I've learned this peculiar process of grinding off the top layer of asphalt is called "milling". I wish I could have my face milled.

This is from the D.O.T's. website:

"The milling process is noisy and may cause discomfort in the affected neighborhood for several days. Although we take steps to minimize the inconvenience, we must still utilize trucks, special machinery and portable lights. Much of the work is done at night in order to minimize disruptions to traffic. To minimize the problems, machinery is fitted with noise reduction equipment and crews attempt to keep noise to a minimum."

How many times are these assholes gonna say "minimize"?

Most of the avenues are completely repaved and ready for summer; smooth as a baby's ass cheek.

86th street still needs to be smoothed out, but I'm noticing even some little side streets have gotten the royal treatment.

It is nice to see our tax dollars at work on something we can actually appreciate and see.

Nothing beats a nice well paved asphalt road especially when you have a very old, very raked pick-up truck; a smooth ride goes a long way.

The official Milling & Resurfacin' sched is online and they'll be paving well into June. Check it.

The sun rises and sets on the Brooklyn Bunny empire

Brooklyn Bunny.com is a live webcam of a bunny from Brooklyn.

Brooklyn Bunny is the "pet project" of the design firm, Dresser Johnson.

Check it.

Another boy named Justin

I met Justin Borucki many years ago, probably eleven, maybe more. I met him on Staten Island and asked him to take photos of my band. And he did. And it's been a creative brainstorming love affair ever since.

We've created album covers together that people love, hate and love to hate. We've been banned and censored. I've had to call him at least twice saying

"Hey J, its J. The record company is pissed, we need to talk"

J.Borucki was the first guy to ever offer me real jug-in-an-old-basement moonshine. It was left there by the tenants before them and they still drank it at parties when it got late. This was when he was living in Bay Ridge. When I picked up the bomb in a box from his doorman, he was somewhere else near the park. Near where the dude from Violent Femmes lives. Yeah, over there.

He's been my right and left hand man on many projects. Sometimes we don't speak for months, but when I call him up with a new idea for a new album or whatever, it's like no time has passed at all and we're back to finishing each others sentences and immortalizing ideas. It's a very unique friendship and working relationship that I really do not have with anyone else in this world.

This is usually how it goes:

"Hey J, its J. We're doing a new record. I kinda wanna have the Virgin Mary as a suicide bomber because the record is gonna be called "Our Lady of Annihilation" call me back when you can"

A few days later he'll call me and say "check your email."

This is the kind of shit Justin Borucki does. He's a great fucking dude; sincere and brilliant and I'm proud to say "I knew him when" he didn't have long hair.

Go check out his new website JUSTIN BORUCKI.com and hire him to photograph something fancy.

FCK VWLS

I've come to realise vowels are, for the most part, completely ~~unnecessary~~ superfluous (and expensive if you're a contestant on Wheel of Fortune). Nearly all words and sentences will make sense sans vowels, and if you come across a word that just won't work without its vowel ingredients, its probably a short preposition or a copulative verb a.k.a. ~~a word that totally fucks up my theory~~ a complete bullshit word.

We all know vowels by now; how they work and where they fit, so we can sound out words that are missing them; we can insinuate the vowels, right? Right.

Simply your life; say goodbye to unwanted vowels, they'll only drg y dwn.

The next few electronic mails you compose, flex your head and leave the vowels out. If you panic and must employ "to" use Prince's "2" style, same goes for "4". Rule #1 is there are no rules. Rule #2 is we use "Y" here, we don't buy that "a,e,i,o,u and sometimes y" bullshit. Here, Y is a purebred consonant. So f*ck what ya heard.

Let's say you've somehow found yourself in a Tijuiana prison, with like 4 pesos to your name. You've got a musket at your back and a Mexican mustache breathing down your neck. You need to tell your dear ol' mum back home in London that you're alive via a telegram where each sentence costs a peso. Aren't you glad that you know about the "no vowel game" now, motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought so. You can thank me later.

No vowels. Strtng nw.
Rdy? G!

Pierre-Gilles de Gennes, the dude who invented LCD (liquid crystal display), has died. De Gennes won the 1991 Nobel Prize for Physics for his groundbreaking work in liquid crystals and polymers, for which some of the judges accorded him the accolade of “the Isaac Newton of our time.” He died yesterday. He was 74.
A passenger plane taking off from Southern England's Bournemouth Airport bound for Portugal was forced to land after flying into a swarm of bees Thursday. Huge clouds of bees have been seen around Bournemouth over the past few days. I bet your boy Richard Branson paid those bees to go fuck shit up.
Real-life Green Mile in Ohio... It took 6-foot, 265-pound Christopher Newton 16 minutes to die once chemicals began flowing into his veins; 5 minutes longer than the state's previous longest on record and the longest stretch that any of the state's inmates executed since 1999 has endured. Brutal. Newton had insisted on the death penalty as punishment for choking and beating his cellmate over a chess game in 2001.
Man who stayed up for 266 hours awakes to bad news... hahahaha. What a classic: I think it was yesterday we told you about the dude in the UK who had stayed up for 11 days straight trying to break some world record; well it turns out he went to bed a few hours too soon and missed his mark. Better luck next time, broseph.
Duuuude, did you ever hear the story about the guy who goes on a date and then he like passes out and he wakes up the next morning in a bathtub full of ice and his kidneys are missing!?
It was the ex-husband, with the pistol, in the bagel store.
Fashion czar Paul Poiret takes NYC into the Belle Epoque.
"How much for that H in the windowwww": How the cops put a price tag on seized drugs. Is there a Beckett's for smack?

Saturday - 6:21 am - Breaking News

As many as six people have been shot during a shootout with cops inside a home on Spruce Street in Perth Amboy, NJ....

I'm going back to bed, turn on 1010 WINS for the breaking news

Warren Zevon's "Splendid Isolation"

Fuck yes.

An incredible old NY photo site

MIDTOWN NORTH
circa 1937 .

The NYC Department of Records and Information Services was created in 1977.

The Municipal Archives preserves and makes available the historical records of New York City's municipal government... and they have an unbelievable online photo collection, bitches!

Make a Plan to Love Me, bitch

I saw Bright Eyes a few years ago when they were touring with The Faint and Omaha rap trio Mars Black, who ruled btw. People were yelling at Connor then because they wanted to hear stuff from "Wide Awake" and he played "Digital Urn" almost in its entirety. The best part of the night was when Mars Black was on stage I overheard a girl behind me remarking only half-jokingly to her friend "They have black people in Nebraska?".

A review of the Bright Eyes show the other night in Boston sounded like one-part NY Philharmonic and one-part ~~Nirvana~~ ~~The Who~~ Nirvana.

In addition to founding members Conor Oberst, Mike Mogis and Nate Walcott, they had a full band-cum-orchestra which included a string quartet, two horn players, two drummers, a vibraphonist, a keyboardist, a bearded lady and a sword swallowing elephant.

Apparently everyone was decked out in white suits and white dresses (Polyphonic Spree meets Rolling Thunder), which Oberst glibly attributed to their being born again as "second virgins". Um.

"To close the night, an apparently inebriated Oberst started smashing all his instruments and the whole stage ended up being trashed to the tune of deafeningly loud guitar feedback. While it may have been fun for the 27-year-old Oberst, his actions came across as immature histrionics, which is the Achilles heel that he has faced throughout his career. Considering the sonic quality and powerful songwriting contained on Bright Eyes' latest record Cassadaga, it was a shame to see all the musical, visual, and acoustic luxuries go to waste."

Bright Eyes & Gillian Welch kick off a 7 night sold-out engagement at Town Hall in NYC tonight.

How much I gotta tip this fuggin guy?

Whilst doing some personal research, I came across this cool site.

What 2 Tip tells you exactly that, what to tip everybody from your doorman to the DJ at your wedding. Its broken down into sections like Weddings, Funerals, Movers, Shoeshine, etc.

Speaking of which, I got a nice spitshine today on Park Ave. The cat was mumblin' about it being a long weekend and "no work Monday", he was really laying it on thick, vying for a fat tip.

He did give me an amazing shine, I'll give him that much. The shoes still look wet hours later.

So I've been there before and I know the shine only costs $3 but I never know what to tip. In the past I think I've tipped 2 or 3 bucks but I was so unsure.

I guess the dude thought I was rich, must've been the suit. So I wound up giving him $8, three for the shine and FIVE for a tip.

The entire place ERUPTED and started thanking me and telling me to have a good weekend and "How did I like my shine?"... I swear if I'd stayed another moment I thought they were gonna start handing me free keychains and t-shirts.

I obviously tipped way too much and now these dudes think I'm Nelson R. and next time I'm in there if I tip anything less than $6 I'm gonna look like a deadbeat.

Great.

LOCALS ONLY DOGS ONLY BEACH @ Prospect Park

"Prospect Park is a dog's paradise, with wide-open spaces to roam. Now they have made the Park even more dog-friendly by creating the Long Meadow Dog Beach at the Pools. A one of a kind creation located off 9th Street on the path leading down from the Tennis House. "

OK, lets relax, its 100% adorable but its basically just a roped off section of the pond for dogs only. Which rules! don't get me wrong.

There is a fence to keep the dogs in so you don't have to chase them across the pond.

"Absolutely no humans allowed to swim under any circumstances!" haha

If I was quite rich and had a movie theater in my house, tonight would be Gene Hackman night

Yes, but does anyone remember a movie called "Target"? It's from 1985 with Hackman and a young Matt Dillon. I must've watched it a hundred times when I was a kid.

I miss the old VHS boxes.

That's all folks; Rosie O'Done

The saga is over.

Rosie O'Donnell will not be returning to "The View."

Now I can BBQ this weekend with a clear head.

82-year old "Tuxedo King" buried alive in 1993 dies

Fascinating obituary in the NY Times today...

Harvey Weinstein, a former tuxedo company executive has died. Known as the "tuxedo king,'' Weinstein was CEO of Lord West, a company that manufactured formalwear for Ralph Lauren, Pierre Cardin and others in addition to its own brand.

Weinstein gained a different kind of notoriety in 1993 when he was kidnapped and buried alive for 12 days by a man who worked at Lord West as a collar maker.

Weinstein had just finished his usual breakfast at a diner on Northern Boulevard when he was forced into a car by ex-Lord West employee Fermin Rodriguez and two accomplices. They kidnapped Weinstein and drove him to Manhattan.

There they buried him in an 8-foot-deep pit near the Hudson River, and demanded $3 million in cash as ransom from his family. Weinstein spent 12 days with little food and water before police found him.

His first words to them were: "Thank God you're here, and I'd like to have a cigarette.'' How Gandhi-esque.

All three of the kidnapping suspects were convicted and sentenced to prison.

Weinstein's son Mark told the NY Times that his father's Marine experience during World War II helped him during his kidnapping, "He said that he ‘wrote’ what he called ‘the greatest autobiography never written.’ Everyday he took a year in his life and recounted it out loud.”

Weinstein died peacefully at age 82 in Manhattan.

Can someone go wipe this poor thing off ? Gowanus Expy & 92 Street

Woman, Owner of Long Island bagel shop, shot to death this AM in the store.

North Korea fires missiles towards Sea of Japan...

New Metro-North / Yankee Stadium train station will make it easier for suburban fans to get from home to home plate... Yeah, great... The station is slated to cost $91 million, with the city (a.k.a. You and me) chipping in $39 million, with the MTA (a.k.a. me and you) covering the rest... Shouldn't the goddamn Yankees chip in a few bucks?!!!?!?!!
God these two idiots are so unavoidably annoying; truly, like a car accident... First of all, Donald Trump should shut up, be rich and design some more fabulous ties; instead he's decided to weigh in on this situation, taking Rosie's side and calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck, "probably the dumbest person on television". Yeah, and? So now we're hearing Rosie posted some cryptic video blog. Naturally everyone is speculating as to its hidden meaning and symbolism. I refuse to even watch it but apparently the blogtage includes a soundtrack by Cyndi Lauper ("True Colours") and images of Babwa and Ro's right wing nemesis, Elisabeth. It also includes an image of Ro's eyes in the rearview mirror of a car. Oh god, this is so awful. Hasseltwat's houndstooth dress sure is fetch though, no?
Parents Haunted by Girl's Disappearance... The parents of a 4-year-old British girl who vanished during a vacation in Portugal three weeks ago said today that the guilt they feel over leaving her alone in a hotel room will haunt them forever. The couples daughter, Madeleine (beautiful name), disappeared May 3 after her parents left her, her brother and her sister (twins, both 2) alone in their room while they went to a restaurant inside their hotel complex in Portugal's Algarve region. Maybe Maddy cleaned out the wet bar & all the snacks in the hotel room fridge, felt guilty and ran away? Just a thought. But seriously, 4 years old? Do you leave them alone in a hotel room? I dunno about this one folks.

"Extremely Large" Woman Who Fell From Coaster Seeks $16M... Her lawyer says a park worker should not have let her take up two seats on the ride...
New testing on the type of ammunition used in the 1963 assassination of JFK raises questions about whether Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone... Um, guys... haven't we been down this road already?
Boo! The Sanjina hoax has been revealed. We're sad because we thought maybe, just maybe, Sanjina really was an insane genius who had tromped le monde, but it was just Will Ferrel. Oh well. If you're still confused, click me.
Doors Exhibit Opens at Rock Hall of Fame. Wanna go?
Cream Bassist Says Reunion in the Works... Jack Bruce says Cream is once again rising to the top (erf). The bassist for the legendary group told The Associated Press yesterday that he agreed recently to play an unspecified show or shows later this year with guitarist Eric Clapton and drummer Ginger Baker. Wow, I'd actually love to see that.
"Well, you know my name is Simon and I like to do drawerings": How British teens see themselves: 25 self-portraits
Awwww, babyface! A 7-foot alligator wandered into a small Florida neighb and tried to climb the wall of a house. Silly, you're not a squirrel, go back in the water!

Lifetime premieres new original drama "Army Wives" Catherine Bell is très chaud

So last weekend I decided to reclaim my throne as THE man of the people and I headed underground and (gasp!) took the subway all the way to Canal Street. Agggghhhhhhhhhh!

I actually love the subway and have always found it so inspiring; I always say "a trip on the subway for a writer is like a trip to the supermarket for a chef", you follow? I've gotten quite spoiled riding these express buses; they're quite posh.

So the best part of the trip underwater were the adverts in our car for some new "original dramatic series" (BARF!) on Lifetime called "Army Wives". It looks like Desperate Housewives in camo basically.

However, my girl Catherine Bell is one of the stars of the series; in fact the ONLY star that matters in my book.

So anyway, I wanted to share with you all some sorted pics I took of Cath on our vacation to Bali a few months ago.

Cheesy Cath.

Catherine Bell and lots and lots of books? Oh my.

Two pics BEGGING to be Photoshopped

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

You play that sax, Condi.

Don't make me turn this car around!

Travelers are packing the New York metropolitan area's airports, rail lines and roadways this Memorial Day weekend. About 3.4 million vehicles are expected to use the Port Authority's four bridges and two tunnels.

I plan to spend the weekend in my boxer shorts, in the comfort of my penthouse, watching these traffic cameras with a giant glass of iced tea, cackling at other peoples misery.

Feel free to join me over at Traffic Land.com

"Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids Swiss alone!"

Switzerland's reputation as a haven of tolerance for immigrants has been undermined in recent weeks by calls for a ban on new minarets, a mysterious synagogue blaze and neo-Nazi threats to disrupt national day celebrations.

Switzerland is known for public order and efficiency. Its neutral status and high living standards, as well as its need for lower cost workers, have historically attracted refugees from conflicts around Europe and the world.

But with rising immigration -- and lack of integration caused partly by tight laws on handing out Swiss passports -- religious and ethnic tension has been on the rise, particularly focusing on Muslims.

Unfortunately, Swizz Beats couldn't be reached for comment.

Read on, soul brother.

They are remaking motherfuckin' HE-MAN now for the big screen! Is there an original idea left in Hollywood or producer will balls enough to get behind a fresh concept ?!?!!!
Warner Bros. and producer Joel Silver are working with Mattel to turn "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" into a live-action film.
Oh, and here's the trailer for "Control" ; a biopic about Ian Curtis and Joy Division.

Yo Hot Lips, have a bialy or something

Angelina Jolips has come in for some cover doctoring. The latest issue of In Touch features Jolie on the red carpet at the Cannes, showing her usually veiny arm looking silky smooth.

Unfortunately for In Touch, a nearly identical photo of Jolie appeared on page 58 of the current issue of People, which clearly showed the veins - in an unretouched photo.

Richard Spencer, editor-in-chief of In Touch, was unapologetic.
"You're damn right, we softened those veins. The arm was very, very veiny." Ew.

He said he felt no qualms, even if journalistic purists decry doctoring of cover photos. "I think they can forgive it for the cover - unless it is a story specifically about their body," he said. "This was about her plans to expand her family." Aight, chill.

"If someone's teeth are a little yellow or they are a little wrinkled or they have a rash, we'll smooth them out," Spencer added. AAIGHT THEN, CHILL!

The Case to Canonize Kylie Starts Now!

Hi, Lover.

She's so little!

Fierce.

Ok, babe. I'll leave u alone now. Love ya.

Believe it or not, these three are totally free this weekend, so holla.
Y'know, I was thinking the same thing... Paula Abdul allegedly tripped over her designer dog and busted her nose, but she didn't look like she had no broken nose on Idol the other night. Turns out she actually threw a temper tantrum in her house, threw something at a mirror and a piece of glass cut her nose. Whatever, Paula. Fade out.
If you've been following this hilarious View beef betwixt Rosie O'Douchell and Elisabeth Hasselwho, you'll enjoy this nugget of goss: I guess after Rosie's ballistic blow-out with Hasselhoff the other day, Rosie trashed Elizabeth's dressing room and was then escorted from ABC Studios after she was caught drawing moustaches on photos of Elisabeth hanging around the building. Hahahahahaha that's the greatest thing I've heard all day, granted, its only 9:45 am.

WHAT THE FUCK?! More than 5,000 wild animals have been found abandoned and close to death on a broken-down fishing boat off the coast of southern China?!??! This is depressing, don't read it.
A Queens teen was arrested for cutting a Sikh student's hair.
Faster, Longer, Harder.............................. subways needed to keep up with a growing number of passengers.
Congress Approves Minimum-Wage Increase... by summer 2009, all minimum-wage jobs will pay no less than $7.25 an hour.
Coca-Cola Buys Glaceau (maker of Vitamnwater) for $4.1B
The anatomy of a one punch knockout
Flavorpill tonight American Museum of Natural History. eh.
Atlanta's Cartel are recording their new album in a biospheric bubble on Pier 54 in NYC... The bubble is a 2,000-square-foot recording studio with a custom kitchen and dining room, a casual lounge area and a spa-like bathroom as well as a 'Sleeping Bubble,' elevated nine feet off the ground and hung in place with airplane hanger cables. Um. There's a website for this wacky stunt sponsored by Dr. Pepper. I tried to log-on and I got a panic attack; its one of those young-hip-HEY-Xtreme websites, not for the faint of heart.
This ain't no Ozzfest: It's Hamptonspalooza! Billy Joel, Prince, James Taylor, Tom Petty and Dave Matthews LIVE this summer in The Hamptons for only $15,000. Siiick. Then again, it's not just about music, dude: there will be artists on exhibit, celebrity chefs will cook, parking will cost nothing and seating will include daybeds, ottomans and Moroccan pillows. Prince will also be blowing dudes for an additional $5,000 a pop.

Yo, its hot; 90 degrees in Midtown today

The Golden Age of Hollywood glamour may be gone, but it's certainly not forgotten by today's celebrities who bear more than a passing resemblance to Tinseltown's bygone stars. This reminded me of those old Spy Magazine "Separated at Birth?" books and thats why I liked it. See more pic pairing from The Daily Mail UK

The famous Second Avenue Deli will return in time for Christmas '07... on 33rd Street and Third Avenue. Um... Lost City has more
There was a huge fire on West 34th Street yesterday right around 5 o'clock. No one was hurt and FDNY snuffed that shit out with the quickness. I hear apartments in the building are going like hotcakes though. Goodnight everybody! Try the veal.

Ok, relax Sid and Nancy. Please tell me Amy's on her way to the Hostess Cake outlet.

"I am really looking forward to getting under a duvet.", you and me both, pal: UK man stays awake for 11 days... wacky stunt book SURELY will follow.

"I am the Lizard King, I don't have to clean anything": You can crash at Jim Morrison's last known U.S. residence; a seedy WeHo apartment, for $200 a night... "Fully Furnished in 70's style. Queen sofa bed in livingroom for additional sleeping accomodations." West Hollywood Vicinity (8214 W. Norton Ave.)

Didja see our story on Designer Vaginers?

Bird shits on Bush?

I think it's priceless that we all so desperately WANT it to be birdshit - hahaha - it looks more like an errant flower pollen to me.

You be the judge.

I love snarky newswriters, too: "As you can see Mr.Bush took the attack in stride". Yes, thats our fearless leader, graceful under fire.

Never Mind the Bollocks...

Lady Sovereign says she's sorry; review of Sir Daniel Johnston's invite-only SOHO loft soirée

From Brooklynvegan.com

Lady Sovereign cut short a PA set in Brooklyn last Friday night at Studio B following her performance supporting Gwen Stefani at PNC Bank Arts Center. Lady Sovereign cut her performance to just 2 tracks (she was booked to perform 4 tracks). She was only able to get on stage at 3:30am, two hours later than planned due to her tour bus breaking down on the way to Studio B (a fanbelt needed replacing). Following a long day driving from Bristow, VA and having already performed at PNC that night, tiredness set in and an emotional and short performance followed. Lady Sov says:

"I know how stupid i must have looked on Friday, I was tired and not in the mood, having a bad day. But that's no excuse for letting fans down, I'm sorry to those that were at Studio B to see me"

Lady Sovereign will return for a highly anticipated New York performance on July 7, at the exclusive opening night celebration of Spiegeltent. We will have the tour bus replaced prior to the event, and a great show is guaranteed.

Let's chillax with the "guarantees", Bob.

The Daniel Johnston show was in this loft-office-production-company space in SOHO that fit about 125 people. Luckily there was free food there too, but sadly it mainly consisted of cocktail weiners (a.k.a. people that live in SOHO) and macaroni & cheese. On the way there I passed Fred Schneider of the B-52's going into the Antony-Nico Muhly-Final Fantasy $600 Kitchen performance that Lou Reed was also at to honor his wife/girlfriend Laurie Anderson. Kitchen co-sponsor and Daniel Johnston fan David Bowie was at neither performance.

Daniel played for about 30 minutes - an acoustic set with Brett Hartenbach (who also played with him acoustic at Warsaw). The whole thing was being taped - part of some new series for something (not totally sure what). Daniel Johnston: The Reality Show?! I was also supposed to interview Daniel after the show - hopefully to clear up the air, but that ended up not working out. Maybe there's nothing to clear up.

Designer Vaginas are the new black; you heard it here first!

One of the world's most prestigious health journals has lashed a fast-growing trend in the United States and Britain for "designer vaginas," the tabloid term for cosmetic surgery to the female genitalia.

The fashion is being driven by commercial and media pressures that exploit women's insecurities and is fraught with unknowns, including a risk to sexual arousal, the British Medical Journal says.

Known as elective genitoplasty, the surgery usually entails shortening or changing the shape of the outer lips, or labia, but may also include reduction in the hood of skin covering the clitoris or shortening the vagina itself.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that the practice is spreading fast in the United States as well as in Britain, but the picture is unclear.

Not only is there a disturbing lack of data about the phenomenon, there has been negligible assessment about surgical after-effects -- and almost zero reflexion as to whether a labial "problem" exists in the first place.

In 2004-2005, 800 "labial reductions" were conducted by Britain's state-run National Health Service (NHS), more than a doubling of the figure of six years earlier. Other operations were carried out by the private sector, although the full figures are unknown.

The authors of the article, London gynaecologist Sarah Creighton and clinical psychologist Lih Mei Liao, conducted their own small-scale probe into why women sought this surgery.

"Our patients sometimes cited restrictions on lifestyle as reasons for their decision," they say.

"These restrictions included inability to wear tight clothing, go to the beach, take communal showers or ride a bicycle comfortably, or avoidance of some sexual practices.

"Men, however, do not usually want the size of their genitals reduced for such reasons. Furthermore, they find alternative solutions for any discomfort arising from rubbing or chaffing of the genitals."

Patients who sought genitoplasty "uniformly" wanted their vulvas to be flat and with no protrusion, similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion adverts, they found.

hahahahaha can you imagine bringing a ripped out page from Vogue to the doctor like you bring to the hairdresser! "Doc, make my vag to look like THIS!"

Plastic surgery to the labia carries risks, for this zone carries nerve fibres that are highly sensitive and are a key pathway of sexual arousal, the article warns sternly.

"Incision to any part of the genitalia could compromise sensitivity," it says.

The BMJ piece suggests genitoplasty is a classic example of where commercial, media and social pressures artificially create a problem, fuel concern over it and then put forward a solution for it.

Saks Fifth Avenue Shoe Department Gets Its Own ZIP Code: 10022-SHOE

Saks Fifth Avenue says its new shoe department is so goddamn big and fancy it's getting its own ZIP code. Well fuck me in the ear and call me Raul.

The quintessential Manhattan store is revamping its shoe department, and when it moves from the 4th floor to the 8th floor in August customers will be able to send mail to 10022-SHOE. Why or what the fuck they'd need or want to send to the shoe department of Saks is beyond me. The $7 an hour delivery men will still have to use the same freight elevators, so this zip code thing is really just a bunch of pomp and circumstance bullshit.

"We believe it's such a big move for us it deserves its own ZIP code,'' Saks spokeswoman Lesley Langsam Kennedy said Thursday. "We wanted to make it a destination.'' Eat it, Langsam.

The retailer worked with the U.S. Postal Service on the new ZIP code -- but only the last four characters, which aren't necessary when you're mailing something, are specialized. The rest of the midtown neighborhood, which includes St. Patrick's Cathedral, shares 10022.

Uhhh, so basically this entire story is a bunch of fuckshit. You can address a package to Saks at 10022-SUCK MY HOLE and it'll still get there just fine; its all a publicity stunt I guess.

It reminds me of those 1-800 numbers where they advertise the entire slogan in the number. "Just call 1-800-I WANT A NEW CAR REALLY BAD AND REALLY CHEAP" and you're still dialing in numbers as the operator is screaming "Hello? Hello? HELLO!"

The new 8,500-square-foot Saks showroom at the flagship Fifth Avenue store will have more shoes, more service and more stock room capability, Langsam Kennedy said. It also will feature a VIP room for private shopping, spacious seating, refreshments, shoe repair on hand and a state-of-the-art blow job machine, she said.

Saks operates 54 stores in 25 states and two stores in the Middle East.

James Sanders' Celluloid Skyline at Grand Central Tomrorow; I'll be there, bitches!

Portions from the Gothamist: You may be familiar with James Sanders' book Celluloid Skyline: New York and the Movies, which celebrated Gotham City's role in movies and is a must for any fan of New York, architecture, or film. But even if you haven't, you get a chance to experience it in beyond the pages: Starting tomorrow, Grand Central Terminal's Vanderbilt Hall (HOLLA!) will be the setting for a Celluloid Skyline exhibit.

There will be huge scenic backdrop paintings from old films, film footage, artifacts, displays and more that will show Gotham City's role in production and as a "mythic city" of the movies.

We're especially excited by the scenic backing paintings - one of the backdrops is the U.N. lobby (photograph) from North by Northwest!!

Turner Classic Movies is also launching a program of movies to go along with the exhibit starting June 1; films include Grand Central Murder, On the Town, Batman Returns, The Naked City, The Fountainhead and yes, of course North By Northwest.

Check out Sanders' Celluloid Skyline website.

See you there, snitches!

Ask The Queen

Advice on LOVE and all matters of the heart, mind and soul. Ask Queen Bianca Sunshine; Gotham City's renoun Médecin d'Amour! Send in your letters and questions and she'll answer them if she deems you worthy. It's that simple.

Email The Queen

Thursday afternoon delight

VIDEO: Viagra is believed to have saved the life of a pitbull with heart and lung problems in New York. Awww, Stiffy!

We told you on Tuesday about another kid being attacked by a coyote in NJ. And the cops killed a coyote in the same area as the attack yesterday. Now police are urging local residents to tie bandanas around their dogs. That's because people are mistaking man's best friend for ... coyotes!!... Dunn Dunn Duhhhh...

So Hillary's efforts to generate some Internet buzz by asking people to help her choose a campaign song were so successful she has opted for round two. After getting more than 130,000 votes the campaign has narrowed it down to another 10 finalists. But we're bummed because Jesus Jones didn't make the cut and now we're left with a pile of crap (save for The Temptations which probably won't win anyway). These are the finalists:
1- Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
2- Rock This Country! - Shania Twain
3- Beautiful Day - U2
4- Get Ready - The Temptations
5- I'm a Believer - Smash Mouth
6- Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz (BARF!)
7- Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now - McFadden & Whitehead
8- You and I - Celine Dion
9- The Best - Tina Turner
10- Meat Hook Sodomy - Cannibal Corpse

Angry Atheists Are Hot Authors (HOLLA!) The time for polite debate is over. Militant, atheist writers are making an all-out assault on religious faith and reaching the top of the best-seller list, a sign of widespread resentment over the influence of religion in the world among nonbelievers. Christopher Hitchens' book, "God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything," has sold briskly ever since it was published last month, and his debates with clergy are drawing crowds at every stop.

Bush holds news conference this morning, saying "We'll leave Iraq if they ask (nicely)". Read the entire transcript here. God bless the White House interns who have type all that shit up verbatim.

"Rehab," the autobiographical top 10 single by Amy Winetits, won best contemporary song at Britain's prestigious Ivor Novello songwriting awards. Winehaus, known for her high-voltage personality and reputation for heavy drinking and smoking, said she wrote the song when she hit rock bottom after breaking up with her boyfriend, the editor of this blog.

Paul McCartney is lashing back against rumours that he stood-up the American Idol finale last night (which was attended by his ex Heather Mills - ohhhhhh shit), after reports claim he screwed producers by backing out at the last minute. In an exclusive statement given to TMZ.com, McCartney's rep slammed the idle chatter, claiming that "Paul was never scheduled or approached to appear on the Idol finale." The rep added, "Even if he were, he likely would've needed to decline as he is in the throes of promoting the June 5th release of his new album. With that in mind, it would likely make it difficult to refer to him as a no-show." I love the term "in the throes".

Two big NYC radio bombshells have just dropped...

1- Artie Lange will be leaving the Howard Stern show indefinitely starting January 2008.

2- As of 5pm today, 92.3 "Free-FM" will return to its previous format as "K-Rock". Anchored by O&A in the mornings (from 6-9am), K-Rock will feature music from the '90s and today, with a core of U2, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin Park, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Papa Roach, Green Day, and Foo Fighters, according to a pitch sent by CBS sales which also touts "K-Rock has a history of dominance in reaching young men" and "delivers a young, active consumer - that will drive advertiser results." It also promises to super serve 25 to 34 year olds." BARF.

Woah, that was fast: Doc Martens fires agency responsible for dead icon ads

As we reported about an hour ago, Dr. Martens famous footwear was in the midst of an ongoing uproar over a poster campaign featuring the images of deceased musicians wearing their shoes in heaven.

Now we've learned DM has fired its advertising agency, Saatchi and Saatchi London (waita minnit, I'm Saatchi, he's Saatchi), the company responsible for the adverts.

Pentagon releases al-Qaeda torture manual drawings, victim photos...

In a recent raid on an al-Qaeda safe house in Iraq, U.S. military officials recovered an assortment of crude drawings depicting torture methods like "blowtorch to the skin" and "eye removal." Along with the images, soldiers seized various torture implements, like meat cleavers, whips, and wire cutters. Photos of those items can be seen here.

The images, which were just declassified by the Department of Defense, also include a picture of a ramshackle Baghdad safe house described as an "al-Qaeda torture chamber." It was there, during an April 24 raid, that soldiers found a man suspended from the ceiling by a chain. According to the military, he had been abducted from his job and was being beaten daily by his captors. In a raid earlier this week, Coalition Forces freed five Iraqis who were found in a padlocked room in Karmah. The group, which included a boy, were reportedly beaten with chains, cables, and hoses. Photos showing injuries sustained by those captives can be found here.

All of this on The Smoking Gun.com

Thursday's news at noon

Merrill Lynch cut the number of sick days each employee can take without consequences from 40 to 3 (THREE!!) so it can reduce the cost of absences. Workers out more than 3 days must discuss the matter with their managers, Merrill said in a memo to employees. Anyone absent four or more days may lose pay, and could face termination at nine days. I suppose 40 sick days a year might be a bit much but to cut it down now to only THREE DAYS a year?! Wow.

Former Flyers goon Rick Tocchet has found himself at the center of a gambling ring investigation which includes Wayne Gretzky and his wife Janet Jones. Gretzky has been on indefinite hiatus from his job as an assistant coach with the Phoenix Coyotes since the charges were announced. Other people involved include a NJ State Trooper and a few Wall Street bro's. Under New Jersey law, it is not a crime to place a bet, even if the wager is with a bookie. People who place bets for others can be prosecuted, however, as can people who profit off someone else's bets.

They're trying to get the FDA to regulate tobacco and develop a plan to reduce nicotine levels in cigarettes.

~~Diamanda Galas~~ Amy Winetits is starting to look better methinks. I hope she's got heavy cream in that coffee cuz she's still got a long way to go to get back where she wuz at. Another 20 or 30 pounds and I'd call her back.

What does a convicted socialite do to cheer herself up when she's got only a dozen days to go before she goes to jail? She rents "Happy Feet."

Self-acclaimed Worlds First Supermodel Janice Dickinson is a real class act.

Are we gonna bomb Iran or what?

The navy began war games on Iran's doorstep today, a day after a large flotilla of U.S. ships entered the Gulf in a dramatic daytime show of military muscle.

Hang on a minute... "Flotilla get yo ass in here!"... Ok, got that out of my system.

The ships included two nuclear-powered aircraft carriers, whose presence adds to the pressure on the Islamic Republic to abandon its own nuclear ambitions, which the West says are an attempt to develop atomic weapons. This is deja-vu all over again. Where the hell is Yogi ?

The passage of the U.S. ships through the Straits of Hormuz, a narrow channel in the Gulf and major oil shipping lane, was the largest such move in daylight hours since the 2003 Iraq war. Most U.S. navy ships travel the straits at night, so as not to attract attention, and rarely in large numbers.

However, Rear Admiral Someshit said their immediate aim was only to "reassure allies of the U.S. commitment to regional stability." Whatever the fcuk that means.

Meanwhile as U.S. ships entered the Gulf, the U.N.'s atomic agency released a report saying Iran was continuing to defy world demands to stop enriching uranium.

Iran has blamed the foreign forces for causing regional instability, and yesterday said they would give a "powerful answer" to enemies.

Here we go.

DM's are made to last; both here and in the hereafter: Ramone, Strummer, Vicious and Cobain posthumously cast for DM advert

I guess even in death we aren't free; the collective "they" will use you to make them money no matter what you stood for while you were alive.

Doc Martens have launched a new advert campaign in the UK to communicate that their boots are "made to last" and well, this is what they've come up with; dead rock icons as angels in heaven still rocking their trusty DM's. Uh...

Pics poached from Stereogum

Dinosaurs in Eden? Reality and fantasy obscenely blurred by new Kentucky museum; $27M spent to mislead children

Adam and Eve in the Land of the Dinosaurs: A new Kentucky museum created by the Answers in Genesis Ministry looks more like Jurassic Park: The Ride than Natural History.

From the NY Times: "Two prehistoric children play near a burbling waterfall, thoroughly at home in the natural world. Dinosaurs cavort nearby, their animatronic mechanisms turning them into alluring companions, their gaping mouths seeming not threatening, but almost welcoming, as an Apatosaurus munches on leaves a few yards away.

What is this, then?

A reproduction of a childhood fantasy in which dinosaurs are friends of inquisitive youngsters? The kind of fantasy that doesn’t care that human beings and these prefossilized thunder-lizards are usually thought to have been separated by millions of years? No, this really is meant to be more like one of those literal dioramas of the traditional natural history museum, an imagining of a real habitat, with plant life and landscape reproduced in meticulous detail.

For here at the $27 million Creation Museum, which opens on May 28, this pastoral scene is a glimpse of the world just after the expulsion from the Garden of Eden, in which dinosaurs are still apparently as herbivorous as humans, and all are enjoying a little calm in the days after the fall. It also serves as a vivid introduction to the sheer weirdness and daring of this museum created by the Answers in Genesis ministry that combines displays of extraordinary nautilus shell fossils and biblical tableaus, celebrations of natural wonders and allusions to human sin. Evolution gets its continual comeuppance, while biblical revelations are treated as gospel.

Outside the museum scientists may assert that the universe is billions of years old, that fossils are the remains of animals living hundreds of millions of years ago, and that life’s diversity is the result of evolution by natural selection. But inside the museum the Earth is barely 6,000 years old, dinosaurs were created on the sixth day, and Jesus is the savior who will one day repair the trauma of man’s fall. It is a measure of the museum’s daring that dinosaurs and fossils — once considered major challenges to belief in the Bible’s creation story — are here so central, appearing not as tests of faith, as one religious authority once surmised, but as creatures no different from the giraffes and cats that still walk the earth.

Fossils, the museum teaches, are no older than Noah’s flood; in fact dinosaurs were on the ark."

Where do I even start with this and how wrong it is to mislead children about the history of the fucking world!

Secular is such a dirty word to these people. Our government should be secular; our public schools should be secular; the teaching and learning of the history of our world should be based on SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE and not based on ANY ONE VERSION of creation!

Shouldn't history be OBJECTIVE?! Shouldn't we learn about EVERYTHING as kids unbiased and make our own decisions from there as we grow up?

Sharon Stone all up on my girl Kylie yesterday in Cannes.

Sharon Stone played auctioneer, Kylie Minogue and Julian Lennon sang, and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese did a saucy strip routine - all to raise money for AIDS research.

An annual benefit soiree, yes I said it, on the sidelines of the Cannes Film Festival yesterday raised $7 million for the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR).

Stone, wearing a clingy silver dress, played hostess and fast-talking auctioneer throughout the night. When George Clooney and other wanna-be Rat Pack cast members of "Ocean's Thirteen" came onstage to auction off a yacht vacation, Stone promised a bidder: "If you put up $350,000, George will kiss you."

Clooney went through with it, and he and Stone sold two yacht vacations instead of one for a total of $700,000.

Ivana Trump won a Francesco Vezzoli portrait of a teary-eyed Bette Davis for $200,000.

Claudia Schiffer and Naomi Campbell joined Stone onstage to auction off a package of fashion show tickets, for $175,000.

Harvey Weinstein (LeChaim!) spotted my girl Minogue at dinner and pulled her onstage to sing "The Loco-Motion" and "Can't Get You Out of My Head," which raised $300,000.

Von Teese came onstage in cowgirl suit, complete with pink glittering hat, then stripped down to underwear, pink cowboy boots and strategically placed tassels. Instead of a bucking bronco, she rode atop a giant spinning lipstick. Oh my.

Julian Lennon closed the party with "Stand by Me."

The previous evening, a Cannes benefit dinner hosted by the "Ocean's Thirteen" cast raised $9.2 million to help refugees from the Sudanese province of Darfur; Darfur has become the new celeb hot spot to raise awareness and donate money to, though I doubt any of these clowns could find Darfur on a map; your editor included.

Is FM Talk Radio in NYC done?

It could be.

There is a countdown clock on the 92.3 Free FM page.

From today's Daily News: "Starting as early as today, 92.3 FM may no longer be the land of the Free. Several well-placed radio sources say CBS Radio is dropping the edgy "hot talk" Free-FM format at WFNY (92.3 FM) and switching back to contemporary rock music."

I guess we'll see. Tune in to 92.3 FM at 5 PM tonight, thats when the countdown clock will zero out.

Did you know that the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?

HELSINKI (Reuters) - Snarky computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any.

Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert.

"Some of them must have clicked on it by mistake. Some must have been curious or stupid," said Mikko Hypponen, head of research at data security firm F-Secure.

There was no virus involved, it was an experiment aiming to show these kind of advertising systems can be used for malicious intent, Stevens told Reuters.

Pretty cool set of Dylan pics in honour of his birthday.

A sincere thanks goes out to all my Jewish friends and their ancestors, for today is Shavuot a.k.a. The Feast of Weeks. It marks the day the Torah was given at Mount Sinai. It also marks my joy that alternate sides were suspended today and I didn't have to move my two cars and my yacht. So to all my Jews I say LeChaim!

Michael Moore had his dick sucked up and down Cannes;
"Sicko" does look amazing though and we can't wait for it. Here be the trailer...

Powered by AOL Video

I find the term/word "portraiture" very bothersome.

Pics from the new White Stripes video on Stereogum
Custom motorcycle hearses for sale.
You Tube gettin' more people in trouble with their bosses... this time its a cop Tasering some dudes balls and laughing. Good times.
Government still doesn't want gay blood.
I saw most all of the WNBA Washington Mystics boarding a charter bus outside the InterContinental The Barclay New York this morning.
Most days are good, some not for a woman who is recovering from what has been called "internal decapitation." Shannon Malloy suffered "atlantooccipital dislocation" - that's what doctors call it. The force of her head hitting a car dashboard separated her skull from her spine. Uh...
80-year old Fidel Castro Says He's Better; not only is he back to eating solid food, he's ready to kick some ass again.
An orangutan escaped from a zoo in Taiwan yesterday and terrified patrons at a nearby restaurant, overturning picnic tables and motorbikes and forcing terrified diners to cower inside the eatery. HAHAHA! YES!! Go get 'em!!! The orangutan, who pushed his way out of his cage before wandering into the restaurant, was subdued when an official shot him with a tranquilizer dart. He was carted off for treatment in the scoop of a small bulldozer. Awww. When he woke up he said "I'll have the Chicken Francese."
My boss couldn't believe I'd bought a $50 hat. It was actually $69, I just didn't wanna tell him. The most expensive hat I've ever bought - so far - was a Harris Tweed Borsalino (with ear flaps) in Germany. It was like $120 U.S. but I'll have that hat forever, meanwhile you're still rocking that same Mets cap from 1988's Kahn's Hot Dogs Mets Hat Giveaway night. This is one of the main reasons why I run with brand-name chicks and you be hanging with them bootleg ho's.
Ani DiFranco releases retrospective to remind everyone she's still around.

Bob Dylan turns 66 today

Subterranean Homesick Blues

Eat the Document outtake

Just Like A Woman - Bangledesh - 1 August 1971

Isis from Rolling Thunder Revue 1975

Hurricane

Dylan being Dylan - Time Magazine Interview from Don't Look Back

Ballad Of A Thin Man: Eat The Document; Outtake; Copenhagen - 30 April 1966

With God On Our Side from The Tonight Show on BBC TV 12 May 1964

Tangled Up In Blue from Renaldo And Clara 1975

The Lonesome Death Of Hattie Caroll on Steve Allen - 25 Febuary 1964

Girl From The North Country 1969 with some other dude

Hillary gets a call from the B-52's

Pure genius

1986 Mets World Series done in Nintendo's RBI Baseball.

A look inside my NetFlix cue

loudQUIETloud: a Film about the Pixies

Unknown White Male

Let It Be (the movie)

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple

The Bridge

Grey Gardens

The Girl with Colitis Goes By

OK, I'm watching Ruben Studdard sing a Vegas version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"... Oh my god and now the entire cast of American Idol past and present are singing "With A Little Help From My Friends" and everyone is cheering.

This may be my suicide note. Click save.

Peregrine falcons were taken off the federal endangered-species list in 1999, now you'll find them nesting atop of the Verrazano and Throgs Neck Bridges. The fuzzy white birds, with talons already nearly as long as a man's hand, eat four to five times a day, dining on pigeons, blackbirds and other flying creatures caught by their mother. Once fully grown, their wingspans are at least a meter long. While hunting, they can reach speeds of up to 200 mph when dropping toward their prey.
NJ Youth Baseball Coach Charged in Connection With Brawl.. Jose Concepcion, 41, was arrested Tuesday after he turned himself in to Passaic police. The Passaic Jose Concepcion has no relation to José Concepción; Major League outfielder for the Astros and Expos back in the late 60's... Anyway, I guess Jose was driving his son and his friends home after a game they had lost when they saw members of the rival team walking home. Jose pulled over, his son and his friends got out of the car and beat the shit out of the other kids with metal baseball bats. Classy.
Daniel Johnston played an invite-only acoustic performance / art show tonight in SOHO. Well, excuuuuuuuuse me!
Borat: The Book? God help us all.
Actor and salad dressing salesman Paul "Cool Hand Luke" Newman weighed in Wednesday on the Indian Point nuclear power facility in the New York suburbs, pronouncing it safer than military bases he had visited. Uh, what the fuck does he know?
ASPCA Surprises Drug Suspect by Busting Him in Court!! Props to all my ASPCA Law Enforcement friends; the unsung heroes of NY. Drinks on me.
This show is actually pretty cool if you're into behind the scenes rehashing and story-telling.
Tomorrow is this man's birthday. Act like you know.

Two of my favourite Pixies songs live on the old Dennis Miller show

Pixies cover of Jesus & Mary Chain's "Head On" and "Bird Dream of the Olympus Mons" from the wonderful Trompe Le Monde album.

Subject: RE:
Date: 5/23/2007 7:52:18 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time
From: ~~jvlsz52ucr@unisys.com~~

Men with big dicks are more successful in life than the ones with small dicks. So be successful with Penis Enlarge Patch.

~~http://www.staon.hk/~~

With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your long penis around your waist instead of the belt.

How the hell did they know I needed a new belt ?!

Ever wondered how giant steel sculptures got where they were?

This month, two works by sculptor Richard Serra were brought in to the MoMA - all in preparation for “Richard Serra Sculpture: Forty Years,” a retrospective exhibiting the artists work, opening in June and running until October. Below, you can see how several hundred tons of steel are transported in to the museums sculpture garden.

Click here to watch video

Feet in Two Worlds: Greenpoint, Brooklyn

This immigration bill being debated in Congress will have huge consequences for millions of New Yorkers. For residents of Greenpoint , Brooklyn, the proposed revisions are only one of several changes they’re dealing with. For years Greenpoint, was like a Polish village of ethnic stores, banks and churches.

Today, however, it’s one of New York’s trendiest and fastest growing neighbourhoods. The boom picked up in May 2005, when the City Council approved the rezoning of the Williamsburg/Greenpoint waterfront. With newcomers pouring in and rents soaring, old-time Polish residents are being forced out.

Eva Kern-Jedrychowska reports.

You haven't lived a single day until you've had a straight razor shave

Find an old barber shop run by old men who look like they walked to Brooklyn on their hands from Ellis Island. If you've found the right place the barber shop should smell like newsprint and Clubmans shaving cream; if you're lucky there may even be a few coils of cigar smoke still woven within the wooden walls. Wait your turn, read the paper while you wait, talk about the Mets with the guy who's sorta slow that they pay to sweep up; every barber shop has that guy. First, turn your goddamn cell phone OFF. Ask for a straight razor shave. Don't worry about the haircut for now, save that for some other time. The barber will kick the chair back and suddenly you'll be laying down like you're flying first class on British Air. He's gonna bring out a hot fucking towel. He may just pour boiling water on the towel or he may have one of those old school chrome towel steamers; either way it's gonna be steaming hot and when it first hits your face you may even panic and feel suffocated for a moment; thats all part of the experience so, enjoy it. The hot towel is gonna open your pores and prepare your delicate manface for a good old fashioned scrape down.

Romantic machismo ideas, spaghetti Westerns and various American gangster movies have led a certain group of young men to believe that a shave with a straight razor is a ticket to Valhalla. This is 99% true. It's actually a ticket back to the old world where things meant something; and people took their time. The straight razor shave is, quite simply, a timeless ritual, a classic. Classic like a good hat, a good watch and some good shoes. Classic like holding the door open for a lady, waiting for her to sit down at a table before you eat and buying her moms some flowers.

Ok, so you're sitting there with your face wrapped in a scalding towel. You feel the steam opening your pores and breathing. After he takes the towel off your face will feel ice cold as it readjusts to the room temperature.

Now comes the hot shaving cream.

This step is 100% orgasmic; its your first make out sesh with the girl of your dreams; its sex with someone you'd die for. Trust me, it feels that good.

They've got some machine that makes the shaving cream warm. And when that warm glop hits your cool face, forget it. You'll hear angels and harps and your mothers warm coo when you were 6 months old. It's biblical.

All this hot / cold shit is done to soften the beard and the skin, readying it for kingdom come.

And now, the razor's first pass. Having previously softened the beard, its bristles surrender more readily to the razor like a hot knife through a pat of butter on a toasted garlic bagel. The face is kept moist with the application of shaving oil, meanwhile, to ensure the maximum closeness of the shave.

And let me tell you, when that razor scrapes those hairs off your manface, it feels amazing. Its like having an itch you can't reach all day and finally scratching it. A good scrape never felt so good. This is caveman shit, sit back and get in touch with your ancestors who used to shave with rocks and sand.

In fact, I never feel complete unless I leave with a nick or two. That means my shit got sanded down TO THE BONE; as clean and as close as it gets. Don't worry, the barber has some secret bottle with a liquid that stops the bleeding immediately.

Since the days of the barber-surgeons there has been much spirited debate on the merits and perils of shaving against the grain. Most barbers will get to it during subsequent passes of the razor, after a first, with the grain endeavor. Shaving this close and shaving against and across the grain is now possible because of the softening effect of the cream, the hot towels and the hot oil. And the only way you can get that baby's-ass clean shave is if you go against the grain.

Ok so you're almost done. See, I told you to savour it because now it's almost over, asshole.

The last towel of the shave, the coup de grace, is plucked from a tub of ice water and applied to the skin with a warning for you to brace yourself. The towel calms the skin, closes the pores and invigorates. Basically makes you feel like a new man.

You will emerge relaxed and invigorated, ready to conquer the world beneath your, hopefully, good shoes. Now go hold an umbrella for a beautiful girl and listen to some Bing Crosby and you'll be O.K.

The beautiful Art of Shaving stores sell some top-of-the-line stuff for home shaving. You can almost replicate the barber shave, almost.

Next time we'll discuss the famous red and white barber pole; what it means and where it originated.

Roxy Paine, you make my heart sing

I cruise by Madison Square Park everyday; its the spot where I turn left and head towards Brooklyn; towards home, with the legendary Flatiron Building to my right; the crossroads. That's why the Flatiron Building is the main character in the masthead of this site.

I remember seeing these intriguingly beautiful silver trees being erected in Madison Square Park several weeks ago. I sent myself a text message, as I do a million times a day, to remind myself when I got home to research what the fuck they were. I didn't have much luck since no one knew what I was talking about, yet; they were still being installed by guys on cherry pickers.

Thankfully, a friend clued me in to NY's Roxy Paine; an actual genius. Paine is known both for his digitally controlled machines that create paintings, and for his artificial plants and fungi (such as poppies and psilocybin). The stainless steel trees seem to be his most ambitious plant yet. The trunk is composed of sections of stainless steel pipe, flawlessly welded together, and perfectly polished, so that it resembles the growth spurts of a real tree. Unlike his previous plants, which appeared real, this tree is clearly stainless. The issues of artifice, so apparent in the machines that paint, are clearer in this steel tree that approximates nature, than in his artificial plants which duplicate nature. There seem to be analogies between the digital code that controls his painting machines, and the DNA code that controls plant growth. The steel tree was obviously manufactured, but manufactured according to plans of living trees, suggesting that the coding which controls manufacturing, and so many modern processes, mutated from the DNA code that creates all living things.

The stainless steel trees have been an installation in the park for over a month now. I love watching the dogs looking so puzzled at the giant silver trees; theres really nothing cuter than a confused dog; but a confused dog AND a giant brilliant work of art ? That's like a triple-letter word score using Q and Z.

Anyway if you find yourself in the area this summer, go visit these amazing works of art. I promise you'll have seen nothing like them before.

Check out more of his art here

Not only did your boy, Page Six editor and the most powerful gossip columnists in the media world Richard Johnson, take money from restaurants in exchange for good reviews, he simply made shit up when he was pressed for ideas for the column
Apple is pissed about the iGasm: a sex toy which connects to your iPod and vibrates to the rhythm of your favourite music... in your cucine.

Four white lions were born in a Western France zoo over the weekend, providing a much welcome boost for the species whose population is teetering at about 30 worldwide.
And don't forget about the baby elephant born in Berlin.
Steve Jobs really is a fucking genius; says Al Gore would be a good next President.
Noah's Ark, built to save humanity and the animal kingdom in the face of a great flood, is being reconstructed in model form on Mount Ararat as a warning to mankind to act now to prevent global warming. Yeah, that'll show us! Let's fry an egg on the sidewalk too while we're at it.
Up to 8 inches of snow is expected in Colorado for Memorial Day Weekend; John Denver still dead.
Chickenheads steady cluckin'
Merlot? from Queens?!
Somethings going on up the street from our office on 46th and Park because the water has been shut off throughout the whole building. We'll go check it out and report back.
Rose McGowan.

Interpol's Carlos D. has a blog now. He talks about only listening to classical lately. Maybe this means I'll have a new date for my frequent trips to Lincoln Center. I'll let him pay for the parking.

Portishead are back after 10 years, new record and shows. Cool, now I can stop listening to that same damn Massive Attack record.

I agree, Mick Jones did rock and here's 10 reasons why I'll still spin "Rush" anytime I DJ.

From the slums of Paris to the limelight of New York, Edith Piaf’s life was a battle to sing and survive, live and love... and on June 8th I'll be somewhere with a big tub of popcorn and a bag of M&M's to watch my Little Sparrow. Check out the trailer.

Russian film on Litvinenko added to Cannes festival at last minute. Oh dip, I was just talking about this yesterday. Weird.
Glam rocker-cum-Magician Criss Angel plans to hang in a cube encased in concrete and suspended 40 feet above the ground near Times Square next month in a stunt that will test his Houdini-like ability to escape. Oh, shut up.
A 75-year-old woman who felt threatened by a 'wild cat' rented a trap for $55 and caught the animal. Turns out it was just the neighbors cat. Aww, I wish it was a Tasmanian Tiger!
You wait, by July, all the celebs are gonna have Tasmanian Tigers.
Ronald Reagan’s diaries are now available to read.
Google is poised to run your entire life. No, really!
Jerry Seinfeld in a bee costume hanging from a string in Cannes.
The urge to drink at a place classier than it sounds is a natural one
Stone Phillips out at NBC... receives free GE toaster as severance.
Speaking of NBC, heres that dog fighting special that aired the other night. Props to Arora and the Liberty Humane Shelter. My best friends dog Dolly is in there, too. Holla!
Woman Jailed for Attempted Fetus Theft - this is a fucking horror show.

Yo, everybody chill, its the hip-hop cat

The Thylacine a.k.a. The Tasmanian Tiger

The Thylacine

Add to My Profile | More Videos

The thylacine (Thylacinus cynocephalus) is one of the most fabled animals in the world. Yet, despite its fame, it is one of the least understood of Tasmania's native animals. European settlers were puzzled by it, feared it and killed it when they could. After only a century of white settlement the animal had been pushed to the brink of extinction.

The Tasmanian Tiger looked like a large, long dog, with stripes, a heavy stiff tail and a big head. Its scientific name, Thylacinus cynocephalus, means "pouched dog with a wolf's head." Fully grown it measured about 6 feet from nose to tail. The short, soft fur was brown except for 13 - 20 dark brown-black stripes that extended from the base of the tail to almost the shoulders. The stiff tail became thicker towards the base and appeared to merge with the body.

Thylacines were usually mute, but when anxious or excited made a series of husky, coughing barks. When hunting, they gave a distinctive terrier-like, double yap, repeated every few seconds. Unfortunately there are no recordings.

The thylacine was shy and secretive and always avoided contact with humans. Despite its common name, 'tiger' it had a quiet, nervous temperament compared to its little cousin, the Tasmanian devil. Captured animals generally gave up without a struggle, and many died suddenly, apparently from shock. When hunting, the thylacine relied on a good sense of smell, and stamina. It was said to pursue its prey relentlessly, until the prey was exhausted. The thylacine was rarely seen to move fast, but when it did it appeared awkward. It trotted stiffly, and when pursued, broke into a kind of shambling canter. Thylacines lived in zoos for up to 9 years, but never bred in captivity. Their life expectancy in the wild was probably 5-7 years.

The arrival of European settlers marked the start of a tragic period of conflict that led to the thylacine's extinction. The introduction of sheep in 1824 led to conflict between the settlers and thylacines. By 1986 Thylacine were declared completely extinct by international standards.

The Band Bio Generator

Haha! Now this is great. I've been in a bunch of bands and getting someone to write you a good bio is so hard. Writing your own bio is corny but if you let the label do it, it's guaranteed to be thoroughly embarrassing; either because its so fucking clueless or just so over the top and blown out of proportion.

Generally a bio is something the band never wants their "fans" to see; its really designed to drum up support from other industry drones for an upcoming record. Its basically a sheet of paper where the record label tries to uses expensive adjectives in an attempt to convince people that THIS band is the next Beatles and their new record is 2007's answer to Sgt.Pepper. In fact, I don't think I've ever been privy to a friends bands bio that didn't make me shit myself because it was just so full of crap.

I wish this site was around years ago. I could've just plugged my bands name in there and it would've spit out a perfect bio.

Lady Sovereign and The Public Meltdowns

From Rock Star Diary - "Went to go see Lady Sovereign perform at Studio B in Greenpoint. I am not sure what happened, the show started off quite well. She performed two songs and then she got on the Mic and started complaining about how poor she was, and how she had no money and then BAM! she walked off stage, much to the dismay of Studio B.????? and the entire crowd who showed up to see her. Yo that was pathetic. I can't believe you'd diss youself so hard in Williamsburg. Don't you know that you had a crowd of about 500 tastemakers there just for you? I thought you were someone who mattered. How wrong I was. Go fuck yourself. Lady, your days are numbered. You just flipped the bird to Williamsburg, the center of the universe. You're over sweety."

From Driven By Boredom - "Last night at Studio B in Brooklyn rapper Lady Sovereign completely broke down on stage. As she was waiting to go on stage she started setting this flier on the wall on fire. She got up on stage and the first thing she said was that this was the smallest crowd she had played to in "a long time". This probably had something to do with the fact that people waited two hours for her to go on. She then played Love Me or Hate Me but she didn't sing the choruses. Then she proceeded to say she was just here for the money. She said she was broke and didn't want to go on. She was like "I don't know what I am doing, what song is next?" Then she did another song and just sort of broke down. She said that she had been playing the same songs for two years and that she was sick of it. She told the audience that we couldn't possibly understand. She then was like "fuck this, I don't care if I don't get paid" and walked off the stage after a quick talk with her DJ. It was totally surreal."

Go check out the video of Lady Sovereign's sweetbelly freakdown courtesy of Driven By Boredom

Tuesday afternoon potpourri in a wicker basket

Sanjaya Warhol... now he's saying his name is really Bill Vendall and he's an art student at the Rhode Island school of design, and the whole American Idol thing was a hoax; "The Sanjaya character was part of a larger art installation." Maybe he was just high, or maybe he really is a genius. We all know those art school students love to usurp "the man". TMZ has the video of Sanjaya spilling his guts to the feds.

Ahoy! Sunken buried treasure found; Merchant ship went down with $500 million in gold and silver coins aboard.

Carnegie Hall is expanding; millionaires will be displaced

Kid in NJ attacked by coyote, again.

The city's fleet of yellow cabs will go entirely hybrid within five years, and all new taxis will have to meet emissions and mileage standards by next year, Bloomberg announced today. Among the 13,000 taxis rolling on the streets today, there are just 375 fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles. Bloomberg says by 2012 they'll ALL be hybrids. And what?

British prosecutors will charge ex-KGB agent Andrei Lugovoy with the murder of former Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko, who died in London last year after being poisoned with radioactive polonium. Our boys at the BBC put together a very detailed timeline of the key events leading up to and since his sketchy death.

As I type this I am wearing one sock. Don't ask.

Male Roommate Wanted: Duplex Loft, 2 terraces, utilities included $1200...There's just one thing...um...

Actual posting from Craigslist

Loft share, Williamsburg: Reasonable sized bedroom with a reasonable price tag ($1200), refurbed kitchen with shiny new appliances, close to the train!

Here's the thing, though...

"I host one to two male sex parties a week. One after work (usually 6:30pm-11pm) and one on the weekend (usually 8pm-2am). The parties are on the second floor (my room) as well as on the first floor EXCEPT your room. You room is off limits to my guests. The parties are not very noisy except for the guys talking in the kitchen. The parties are very social as we play movies and socialize in the kitchen. Also, I have a maid that cleans up immediately after the parties - so you don't have to worry about that. If you are cool with all this, let's talk!"

Hey, could you guys move your cocks, I wanna microwave my dinner.

There is hope! Women claim handsome men are 'boring' prefer to date 'ugly men'

Meet the women who find rippling muscles and chiselled good looks a complete turn-off.

Slicking on another layer of lipgloss, Selena Maria slings her bag over her shoulder and struts into the bar. A sea of dark, handsome heads turn to ogle her. Jaws drop and good-looking men raise their eyebrows or move in to offer her a drink.

But Selena walks on by. She only has eyes for one man. He’s waiting for her in a dark corner. He’s not one of the handsome guys in sharp suits. He’s not even ‘average’.

He’s bald and podgy, with a pock-marked face, and is easily the ugliest man in the room. She sidles into the chair next to him.

‘Hi, gorgeous,’ she purrs. The man’s gargoyle face breaks into a toothless smile.

The good-looking men know they don’t stand a chance.

Selena has dated her fair share of hunks, but has given up on gorgeous guys because they’re dull – both in and out of bed.

Read more: There is hope! Women claim handsome men are 'boring' prefer to date 'ugly men'

New drug hits NYC streets; weekend plans suddenly come together

There's a new drug in town...
Its called "strawberry quick" which is methamphetamine (holla!) disguised as children's candy. This drug even has a strawberry colour and flavour. It looks like "Pop Rocks" or those crystal lollipops they sell at the mall. It is dark or bright pink in colour and has a strawberry scent to it.

Yum!

for more info check out http://www.snopes.com/horrors/drugs/candymeth.asp

A Letter from the Editor a.k.a. Me and my psychosomatic pit bull

Last night someone I love dearly compared me to Joan Rivers, and I guess that would make my dog, Melissa Rivers. And if my dog is Melissa Rivers, I guess it should be expected that she seems to walk with a limp when she wants sympathy. I may have the first dog with a psychosomatic illness, call Guinness and get me one, too.

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to post much about celebs anymore because I simply don't really give a fuck about them. I realise I'm in the minority here but this site needs to be for me before anyone else. And the people I would hope that would find this site interesting would also share my apathetic sentiments on most celebs and how the media works itself into a lather over celeb news is completely pathetic.

Verily, it has always fascinated me how people can live so vicariously through celebs with all these magazines and these Entertainment Tonight-style shows. Even the websites that try to put a high falutin' spin on things or try to report on these things like "isn't this hysterical?" - no matter what, its still banal reporting on celebs and it has no effect on my life whatsoever. God forbid my life would ever be so boring that I'd have to rely on vicariously living through actors and millionaires for entertainment. Fuck that noise.

So stupid Paula Abdul tripped over her little designer dog and broke her nose the other day, is that news? I mean, its fucking hysterical and typical and SUCH a perfect woe is me celeb news item but do I want that on my website? Eh, I dunno.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm going to continue posting the things I find interesting and not just because they're headlines. I need to live and die by the shit on this site. Right? Right.

Class dismissed. Go buy me something expensive.

Love,
~~Joan Rivers~~ The Management.

Crazy guy on a bike; solo from Atlanta to San Diego in a little over a month

The first time I met Pirate Sean was on one of the last Indecision tours. I think it was his birthday and we were all hanging out after the show at the Jawk HQ. Artie wanted to buy a gun from someone in the room. He wanted an advance on his tour pay to buy the gun and I refused. I had the cash box with all our money in between my feet on the floor. I remember it being quite a tense moment in a packed bedroom with all these people around witnessing this inter-band stand-off, the room was totally silent save for Artie and I.

Anyway, Sean was going on and on about getting a stripper to come to the house. At first everyone was laughing and we were looking through newspapers and pooling our money and then it jut died down and we moved on to something else, but Sean soldiered on. I can still see him standing there holding the yellow pages, quoting prices and names of services and companies, he really wanted a stripper. By now it was 4 a.m.

I think Sean got the nickname "Pirate Sean" because he used to show up to shows dressed as a pirate which is amazing. All those Atlanta people were like family, I miss those days a lot.

Anyway, all that back story was to introduce Crazy Pirate Sean and his bike trip blog. This is a bit old now but still as amazing as the first time I'd heard about it.

Sean traveled 3,369 miles over 45 days from September 11 to October 25, 2006 by himself on a bike. He made it from Atlanta to San Diego. He documented his trip and I stumbled upon it again the other day and wanted to tell the world. Enjoy.

I watched this while I drank my coffee this morning

The music is sorta hokey but it works.

The Five Greatest Urban Proposals That Never Happened

1. West Side Highway Goes Underground, 1995 - Unimpeded parkland all the way down to the river between 59th Street and 72nd Street? More green, less traffic? What a stupid, stupid idea. The day the island of Manhattan isn’t entirely girded by the highways of Robert Moses is the day we move to Pittsburgh.

2. The West Side Stadium, 2005 - Tailgating in Times Square, anyone? Nope, it just wasn’t meant to be…

3. The Lower-Manhattan Expressway, 1962 - Wow. Imagine it: Robert Moses’ giant, loud, eight-lane beast of an elevated highway slouching its way across our beloved SoHo… forget about the artistic explosion of the 1970s and 80s… forget about the commercial explosion of the 1990s… forget about the glorified galleria for Eurotrash of the 2000's… Thank you, Jane Jacobs.

4. Buffalo Field at Ground Zero, 2003- In a 2003 cinematic collaboration between Richard Linklater and Speed Levitch, Mr. Levitch suggested that instead of skyscrapers and consensitized memorials, Ground Zero be converted into a 16-acre park filled with roaming buffalo. We love this idea. Is there still time to vote?

5. The Olympic Village Housing Project, 2005 - Ecstatic visions of beach volleyball in Brooklyn, eight-man sculling in Queens, and crippling debt for a generation were cruelly dashed on July 6, 2005 when the International Olympic Committee gave the 2012 Olympiad to London, effectively putting an end to all development on the East River. Ha!

Honorable mention to the proposed Staten Island NASCAR racetrack! Wow.

http://thelmagazine.com/5/9/mapabouttown/feature1.cfm?ctype=1

I wanna go to bed but I keep coming across more stuff

Looks like I found a new hobby for the summer... 'Helmet Boxing' A Dangerous New Craze For Teens!!! From CBS News -- A dangerous new "sport" that's become the latest knockout for children is also taking the Internet video community by storm. It's called "helmet boxing" and many health officials are warning that parents should familiarize themselves with the rules...

Bubonic plague in Denver !? DENVER (From Reuters) - A Denver Zoo monkey has died of bubonic plague, apparently after eating a squirrel stricken with the disease...

That dude Wesley Autrey, famed for jumping on the tracks of an oncoming 1 train in January to save a man who had had a seizure and fallen off the platform, fell just short of $1 million tonight when he was a contestant on Deal or No Deal with freshly shorn "Walk Like A Man" star Howie Mandel.

Man Sleeps Through Gunshot to the Head... I can't really funny that one up, can I ?

Dude records new versions of the Mister Softee jingle; Music inspired by the Kustard King

We all know the tune. Ever since we were kids it has signaled the arrival of summer to the beautiful boroughs.

Park Slope (where else?) resident Michael Hearst, a singer and instrumentalist with the indie rock band One Ring Zero, wants to muscle in on the Mister Softee theme with a newly released album of alternative tunes called “Songs for Ice Cream Trucks.”

I guess we should reference The NY Times now.

http://www.songsforicecreamtrucks.com/

How DUMBO got its name and what "The Weight" is really all about

Did you know DUMBO was named DUMBO intentionally to DETER the assholes from moving in and developing in their little bohemian hood? A very interesting tale.

"I pulled into Nazareth was feelin’ about half past dead..."
I've come across a bunch of these sites where they'll autopsy Dylan's lyrics and argue over what he meant or what he said and well this nut decided to dissect every lyric to "The Weight". In the process, he came across some brilliant discoveries, suggestions and hidden meanings; its all hearsay of course but if you love the song, or The Band, you'll love this article.

Rachael Ray's feet, Sopranos, the war

Well I must admit I came here to write a story on Rachael Ray's feet however I couldn't find any evidence online to back the claim I'll make towards the end of this paragraph. I will begin by saying I found her just as annoying as all of her other haters did until I learned she was pro-pit bull / pro-adoption and had a few pits of her own. She also backed a benefit calendar I was a part of for a shelter in New Jersey; she held up the calendar on her show and they all sold out in like 2 hours; so she's cool but I still have a bone to pick out of her chicken soup. It just seems that every time I turn around she's on the cover of some magazine, sitting Indian-style holding her goddamn feet. And that'd be fine, if she weren't a chef. Stop touching your feet girl, and go wash your hands, then fix me a chicken pot pie.

I cannot fucking WAIT for the Sopranos to end and its not because I won't miss watching it; I love the show and TV will suck without it, but I'm just SO tired of hearing people speculate on how they think its gonna end. It's almost as annoying as people who refer to their favourite baseball teams as "we"; "we" won last night; "we" signed Roger Clemens... Bro, YOU didn't do shit besides WATCH the game. People use "we" when it comes to the U.S.A. of course and the armed forces; "we" invaded Iraq; "we" should pull out of there. I suppose using "we" here is a bit more acceptable BUT, I ain't doing shit besides watching the war on TV, just like it was a baseball game, right? So if I can't say "we" for my Mets, I certainly shouldn't be using "we" for the brave people who put themselves directly in danger to fight someone elses war.

What will they think of next ? Oh, this!

Amy Winehouse and Mika port-a-potties!! in Central Park.

Bartering Bogus Barbs with the Brits

We were hanging out in the UK one night, I forget where exactly (as usual) but it was cold and up North somewhere. We were procrastinating the big "load in" more than usual on this night because the gig was at some pub up four flights of wooden stairs. It was a last minute gig; I think we were supposed to play the show and jump on the ferry back to Calais directly after the set. We wound up not even playing because it was running so late and we just didn't feel like bothering.

Some band that had the old Social Distortion bass player was supposed to play or some shit but someone else from SD had died so they were all going home, it was a big mess. I think we were actually switching vehicles; we were taking their van for the remainder of the UK leg of our tour and they were taking ours back to the airport and going home to LA or wherever they're from. It's all coming back to me now.

So anyway, we're hanging out behind this club all goddamn night; upstairs its smoke city, bad bands all playing the same goddamn Blitz cover, getting loaded and brawling with each other; down on the street the football game had just ended and people were everywhere; drunk, throwing up and making out, pretty much in that order.

These two kids started hanging around us and quickly decided we were drug dealers. We told them a million times that we weren't, but once the kids knew we were from New York they just assumed we were holding, no matter what we said; they just thought we were playing hard to get... what kind of dealer plays hard to get?!

These dudes were devoted, they just wouldn't get out of our face. They latched onto me for some reason and kept telling me they KNEW I had stuff in the truck, could I please just go get them something. They varied from hilariously desperate to just completely annoying.

Finally I went into the truck and into my red Jansport that I took everywhere with me back then. I took out 2 oval shaped crimson coloured gel tablets of Colace; constipation medicine. When you tour the UK and you're vegan or veg, you will definitely need Colace because all there is to eat is fish and chips - hold the fish. That diet will bind you up something fierce.

So I walked over to the kids and told them I did in fact have what they needed. The kid gave me like 9 or 10 pounds and I gave him the 2 Colace pills. I don't even know what he thought he was buying and I didn't offer any suggestions. He put a handful of cold coins in my hand and I watched him chew up the tabs into a milky white film on his tongue. It was gnarly. But the kid probably had a good high; we all know a placebo can be just as effective as the real thing, and he definitely thought he was getting some good Gotham City contraband. Not to mention when he got home that night, he probably had a nice cleansing sesh in his mom's loo. I hooked him up!

The two kids finally took off and that was that. I probably spent the 10 quid on the ferry back to France, I don't even remember. I just felt like selling these two wankers some bogus barbs.

If Scorsese did a movie about the Yakuza, this would be the opening scence

Top 10 F-Bombs Dropped on Live Television

Came across a nice collection of amusing F-Bombs dropped on live TV, from Sienna Miller, Scarborough, Tom Brady, Bruce Willis, and of course, Richard Simmons.

10. The Fucking News
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-2Gmm0EyGM

9. Apparently The "F" in Fox Stands For Fuck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5KS64Ih9Dk

8. Sienna Miler on The Fucking Today Show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW-fK-DRTTY

7. Joe Fucking Scarborough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6ES4P2QgkQ

6. Tom Brady Playing Fucking Golf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVJmt6vxvPU

5. The Fucking Weather
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2t8evhuPskI

4. The Twins Pre-Game Segment Is Fucked
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjyKHGew0FI

3. Yippee Kaya Mother Fucker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th4KIR40EAw

2. Winne-Fucking-Bago Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy2XGU14ds0

1. Richard Fucking Simmons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIXC3k5kmBA

Banksy Revealed; sold out by the murky reggae underworld

It turns out that notorious graffiti street artist Banksy visited Jamaica back in February of 2004 where he met Rickards of Afflicted Yard during a Two Culture Clash album and DVD project that Banksy did cover artwork for. On July 30th, 2004, Rickard's photographs of Banksy appeared in the Evening Standard under the headline, "Unmasked at Last: First picture of Banksy, Graffiti Outlaw Wanted for Art Terrorism". He visited the reggae singer Buju Banton, at his studio, and the Jamaician Photographer Rickards documented the occasion and then later sold the images to The Evening Standard. Complex Magazine has republished the photos that they found after researching the Afflicted Yard's website on archive.org.

From Gawker: Until now, Banksy was known only through his tongue-in-cheek stunts and his vaguely anti-establishment stencils. Thanks to some legal gymnastics, Banksy is finally revealed. And surprise! He looks just like an Average Dude. Now this is either good news or bad news. If you like your artists quirky, say like Dali or Kristian Laliberte, that such works as a painted elephant emanated from such a jejune fellow is bound to be disappointing. However, if you're a fan of Jeff Koons and Gerhard Richter and other boring-looking artists, you might find it uplifting that such work flows from such a bland container.

I think it was cooler when no one knew who the fuck he was or what he looked like. Peoples need for info can be annoying sometimes. Leave SOMETHING to the imagination, will ya? Great, now we know what Banksy looks like and he looks like a regular dude. Wasn't it cooler when you could speculate or imagine or tell your friends it was your cousin like everyone did when the Jerky Boys first came around?

Banksy Revealed - Photos Resurface on Complex's Blog

Dog vs. Shark

Nothing bad happens, don't worry, its just bizarre

Once I realised the kid wasn't gonna be killed by the King Cobra, I thought it was adorable, careless and insane, but adorable. I love how the Cobra is so confused and annoyed it keeps looking around like "Can u believe the balls on this little shit!?"

Who's Your Daddy? Paternity Battle Between Twin Deadbeat Brothers

Take a look at these two olafs.

Raymon Miller, left, and his twin brother, Richard, have been fighting in court for four years over the paternity of a child born by a woman both men were sleeping with.

From ABC News -- The twin brothers are the father and uncle to a 3-year-old little girl. The problem is, they don't know which is which. Or who is who. The identical Missouri twins say they were unknowingly having sex with the same woman. And according to the woman's testimony, she had sex with each man on the same day. Within hours of each other.

When the woman in question, Holly Marie Adams, got pregnant, she named Raymon the father, but he contested and demanded a paternity test, bringing his own brother Richard to court.

ABC News Law & Justice Unit By Mary Kathryn Burke

Staten Island's Pride & Joy: The Budos Band gets horny at Slope Street Fair. Holla!

Swarms of Cicadas Emerging in Midwest: Coming soon: Brood XIII. It sounds like a bad horror movie. But it's actually the name of the billions of cicadas expected to emerge this month in parts of the Midwest after spending 17 years underground. The red-eyed, shrimp-sized, flying insects don't bite or sting but they are known for mating calls that produce a din that can overpower ringing telephones, lawn mowers and power tools. They don't harm humans, although they are clumsy and might fly into people. Birds, squirrels and pets, especially dogs, love to eat them, and they are high in protein. Atkins friendly!
Creed crooner, Scott Stapp, locked up for beating his wife, ex-Miss New York. We're hearing he threw a half-empty Orangina bottle at her.
Angela Jolie's new flick; plays the widow of slain Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in "A Mighty Heart".
Check out the trailer here.
Famous Mermaid Statue in Copenhagen Draped in Muslim Dress.
Will the Gentrification Locomotive Spoil the Birthplace of Hip-Hop?
The Jesus & Mary Chain Leads the Reunion Parade
In the 1920s, Hollywood studios were riding high. There was skepticism when a new technology came along that would let movie audiences hear actors talking. But Warner Brothers took a gamble and wired theaters for sound. Ben Shapiro has the story of the rise, and fall, of the Vitaphone short films.
M Ward, Neko Case, Kelly Hogan & Jim James (My Morning Jacket) on Conan O'Brien. Brooklyn Vegan's got the video.
Rapper 50 Cent's 53-room Connecticut estate – once owned by Mike Tyson – is on the market

"Well, you must tell me, baby
How your head feels under somethin' like that
Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat"

How was your commute? Mine took way too long. I left earlier but arrived later.

Took my dog to the park early this morning and it was perfect. The grass has gotten so long but the breeze was biblical. The word basil comes from the Greek βασιλεύς (basileus), meaning "king", as it is believed to have grown above the spot where St. Constantine and Helen discovered the Holy Cross. The Oxford English Dictionary quotes speculations that basil may have been used in "some royal unguent, bath, or medicine". Basil is still considered the "king of herbs" by many cookery authors. An alternative etymology has "basil" coming from the Latin word basilicus, meaning dragon and being the root for basilisk, but this likely was a linguistic reworking of the word as brought from Greece. It's all Greek to me. I just named her that because I like pesto.

So the suit I'm wearing today is nice but way too big. I feel like David Byrne in that Talking Heads video. Its one of my back-up suits because all my others are at the cleaners; its one I bought for my dads funeral a few years ago. When he died I guess I was a real fat fuck.

On Friday a friend and I were text messaging each other and Dylan and his birthday came up - he turns 66 on Thursday. My dad put out a Dylan bootleg back in the day. And just as my friend suggested I cover a Dylan song from my dad's bootleg a guy got on the freight elevator with a pair of old school walkman headphones around his neck, blasting "Like A Rolling Stone". It freaked me out, I had chills for a while after that.

Oh, back to the dry cleaning; so I dropped off a suit on Saturday morning and the cashier was crying when I walked in. I didn't want to say anything at first but I had to. She told me she'd just been robbed. Some lady had asked to use the phone and stolen an envelope out of the register. The girl was shaking; I think she was just afraid her boss was gonna be pissed. I told her to call the cops and that her boss should be happy she was alive and hadn't been robbed at gunpoint or anything. I think it was only like $300 or something but the girl was really freaked. Her boss must be such a dick.

I listened to "The Life Pursuit" and almost all of "Blonde on Blonde" before we hit 48 and Madison this morning. I don't think anything that good has come out since "Pursuit"; nothing I've heard at least. New music for me is sort of a blinking cursor after that record; unless I'm being naïve of other albums I love that I don't realise were released after "Pursuit". If you know me, school me, please!

So the bus was packed and I sat on one of my nuts for the whole ride. It sucked. But it's beautiful outside so that's fine. Everything is fine I guess. I signed a lease for a new apartment on Friday, that was cool. I can't wait to have a porch.

Sopranos last night was good. AJ reminds me of Darlene from Roseanne now.

Monday's Google image scavenger hunt

Can someone please find me a goddamn pic of an upside down mini-baseball helmet filled with ice cream? I'll send you a dollar, promise.

Adventures in Extreme Frugality

A friend of mine used to write for a very inspirational, outsider newspaper; his writing could have raised the dead; it really was that powerful.

When he wrote about living for free, you believed it; you got charged. He wrote about stealing toilet paper from fast food restaurants and eating out of dumpsters and all that FTW shit. He was brilliantly eloquent, intelligent and passionate and he made you believe that not only was this free utopian lifestyle attainable but he was in fact living proof.

Naturally we'd soon learn he was a total fraud; basically living off his rich girlfriends credit cards and whanot. Either way, dude had some pretty plausible concepts for apocalyptic living way below the radar; sans job, money, bills and taxes; and it all made a lot of sense on pulp. And this article made me think of him because it was just so silly. I guess after all that, thats the legacy he left behind.

Growing Tomatoes In A Bra And Other Interesting Frugal Ideas

Two Teenagers Shot at House Party

NEW YORK (1010 WINS) -- Two teens were being treated at Harlem Hospital Sunday morning after someone opened fire on them while they attended a party overnight.

Police say a 14-year-old boy was shot in the upper thigh and buttock. He's in stable condition. A 15-year-old boy who was shot is in critical condition.

Police say they got a call of a shooting on East 113th Street a few minutes after midnight. They learned that one or more people had taken an elevator to the fifth floor, opened the door and began firing at people in the hallway, hitting the teens.

Stevie Nicks demonstrates the "layered look"; remains undefeated at strip poker

Stevie kicked off her U.S. tour last week in California.

Apparently Stevie was quite paranoid of leaving her dressing room unattended while she was on stage; so paranoid that she decided to just wear all her clothes at once.

Oh, Stevie. Whatcha doin' girl?

MJ auction drama

More than 20,000 of Michael Jackson's belongings will be auctioned off at the end of this month, including some of his bizarre sex toys and paintings of nude young boys.

Richard Altomare purchased the King of Pop's collection of oddities from a former Jackson business partner. He was planning on withholding the truly naughty stuff from the auction house, but then Jackson got a temporary restraining order and Altomare threatened to offer them up. After Page Six ran a story on the collection, and the weird array of sex paraphernalia included, it seems Jackson's camp had a change of heart.

Jackson dropped the restraining order and is now allowing Altmare to go ahead with the auction as planned. In exchange, Jacko will get to take 20 items from the auction first, probably the dirty goods. "Mr. Jackson is satisfied with the negotiated settlement," said his spokesperson.

Winehouse Watch

I'm becoming obsessed with this chick. She's a real nut. Check her out now; she's almost got a Diamanda thing going on.

A Bowl-a Granola

A lawmaker who voted to ban cell phones while driving --
rear-ends car while talking on cell phone.

When it rains it pours; NY Post's Page Six lets it all hang out; payola scandal

People actually showed up to that dance parade on Saturday.

People still watch The Simpsons!? I guess tonight is episode #400. Am I alone when I say I couldn't possibly care less?

To Do: The top 10 hottest billionaire heiresses.

Scientists will outline dramatic evidence this week that suggests a comet exploded over the Earth nearly 13,000 years ago, creating a hail of fireballs that set fire to most of the northern hemisphere.

Dylan turns 66 on Thursday; U.S. tour starts in Atlantic City June 22.

Born to the prominent socialite/writer/designer Gloria Vanderbilt and author Wyatt Cooper, Lil' Anderson Cooper arrived a Fortunate Son. Back in high school we had something called "Channel One" that would air in home-room while they took attendance. Anderson was a part of the "Channel One" newsteam; it was basically Highlights Magazine TV; youthful large-print news stuffed into like 5 or 10 minutes. Cooper was totally like 22 years old then, he looked like a young naive kid who had a hard-on for the AV teacher. Now he dyes his stupid hair gray and tries to pass himself off as this incorruptible gritty investigative journalist. It's such a joke; and every time I see his mug on CNN, I chuckle; one time I even tossed a slice of fresh sopressata at the screen and it landed right on his nose.

The International Federation of Competitive Eating is putting on a goddamn hot wings eatin' contest at Grand Central tmrw. Woooooooooo! Spring Break!

DiCaprio blows some more hot air about global warming.

Oh yeah, let's go Mets! Bring out the broom.

Detox Anonymous

"Hello, my name is J and I'm addicted to irrigation of all kinds."

"Hiiiii, J."

I'll admit if they had a Draino® for your body, I'd have a tall glass with ice on a hot summer day. Enemas have always intrigued me; the idea of a fresh, clean start is detoxicatingly hopeful. But Americans have become absolutely obsessed with irrigation. Whether its a cleansing liquid diet fast, an enema, or a handful of horse pills to help keep your intestines moving - spooking us with statistics about 40 pounds of undigested meat in the average mans guts.

I'm guilty of it, too.

I've swallowed giant plastic coated pills that resembled like those instant sea monkey capsules, hoping they'd clean me out. Was a tiny spongy sea monkey going to get to work pressure washing my insides once the capsule dissolved? In other forms of emblematical irrigation; we're obsessed with oil changes, credit reports and debt dissolution - bankruptcy - we need to clean it all out. Engine flushes, transmission washes - clean it out, make it like new, we've gotta flood it with water like a groundhog's burrow and make it clean - chase out all the debris - "smoke 'em out" like John Wayne would say - turn the lights on the bugs and swab the decks.

But why are we obsessed with irrigation and detoxification? We all crave the confidence and a peace of mind of a "fresh start". Programs that'll clean out the small intensines of your computer; an virtual enema for your hard drives... viruses RAUS! Skin care products, peel that dead skin off and clean those pores, people! If there were a cream that could clean your skin, leaving behind only smooth bone and skull, I bet some of these loons would spread that shit on like jam on a crumpet. Ah, so fresh, "Julie you're cheek bones are so smooth and, well, exposed!"

Are we so bogged down with responsibilities, bills, paranoia and fear that something wired animal inside us inherently attracts us to a morbid fascination with self-cleansing, resurrection and sweat lodges?

Even I've been to the Russian Bath Houses. A friend of mine took me behind an old school house and sold me on the idea like a pusher and a bag of drugs. She said how great my skin would feel afterwards; how you could really feel all the toxins leaving your body as you laboured inside these barbaric wooden furnaces. And I sat there like a nut, in a toothpaste turquoise robe and laboured, thinking only of the finish line. And, she was right, I left that place glowing. My skin had a shine to it I'd never seen before and my spirit felt like it'd been through a brushless car wash.

That reminds me, I've only been alive about 30 years, but when did these oil change franchises pop up? Were people in the 50's haggling with grease monkeys about a $90 transmission flush and a $100 engine wash when they went for their oil changes?

Are our lives so fucked and caught in such a tailspin of upheaval that we're crying out to get off the ride? Think about "3 wishes"; about cats and "nine lives"... fuck it all up; eat fifteen chocolate cannolis, do some heroin, fuck your fiancées sister, steal a Rolls-Royce, drive it off the Brooklyn Bridge and wake up the next day like nothing happened.

Think about your boy Jesus, and the rebirth and resurrection, maybe that's why we're all so into that dude. He was the first guy to get a fresh start. Why do we find such solace in these restart buttons? Why are we intrinsically drawn to cleaning ourselves out? Are we drunk on the pregnant promise of an endless new day always at our fingertips? I think so. I'm sure theres a search for the fountain of youth buried in these words somewhere but I'll save that for another blog.

We Won't Get Fooled Again; Roger Daltry cries "bollocks!" on Al Gore and Madonna

Just when it looked like every rock star on the planet was jumping aboard Al Gore's green bandwagon, there’s a backlash already underway.

The Who's Roger Daltry has bl'asted the big Wembley gig Gore is organising to raise awareness of global warming.

Just when it looked like every rock star on the planet was jumping aboard Al Gore's green bandwagon, there’s a backlash already underway.

The Who's Roger Daltry has bl'asted the big Wembley gig Gore is organising to raise awareness of global warming.

The huge concert - which features performances from the likes of Madonna and the Red Hot Chili Peppers - is taking place at Wembley on 7 July and in other countries around the world.

But Roger, who played with U2 at Live Aid and Live8, reckons the whole thing is a waste of time.

Speaking exclusively to Bizarre, Roger said: "Bollocks to that! The last thing the planet needs is a rock concert."

"I can't believe it. Let's burn even more fuel. We have problems with global warming, but the questions and the answers are so huge I don't know what a rock concert's ever going to do to help. Everybody on this planet at the moment, unless they are living in the deepest rainforest in Brazil, knows about climate change.”

Daltry added: "My answer is to burn all the fucking oil as quick as possible and then the politicians will have to find a solution.”

31 May 2007

30 May 2007

29 May 2007

28 May 2007

27 May 2007

26 May 2007

25 May 2007

24 May 2007

23 May 2007

22 May 2007

21 May 2007

20 May 2007