11 January 2008

For a measly quarter you can at last experience the steel-and-glass splendor of our fair city's very first new public toilet smack dab in Madison Square Park. One quarter grants you 15 minutes of alone time. Not sure what happens when the 15 minutes is up. I hope theres a quarter slot inside the pod.

Nothing screams cozy quite like sopping wet stainless steel and MTA bus flooring

The self-cleaning, prison-like, toilets will be open from 8 to 8 everyday. After or before that time, just go ahead and shit your pants.

The terlit is climate-controlled and includes a wash basin with running warm water, and a mirror. For Clark Kent, I'd guess.

An automated system controls the door and prevents unauthorised entrance. "HALT! For I am shitting. Do not enter."

Department of Transportation says, "after 12 minutes of use, an acoustic alarm (acoustic? Like a folk alarm? Cool!) and red flashing lights go off for three minutes before the door opens." Wow. Like taking a duke in the middle of a blitzkrieg.

"Once a user has exited, the doors will close and the 90-second automatic cleaning cycle will begin. During the cleaning cycle the interior surfaces are cleaned and dried. Once the self-cleaning process is complete, a new user can access the toilet."

God, if this isn't a fucking disaster waiting to happen! A quarter for 15 minutes of safe hiding time, basically. So now churches and public toilets are our safe havens. Sounds good. Now I can stop shooting up in the confessional. I was starting to feel guilty.

However, I'd love to know how much research went into the amount of time they give you. Did they time a bunch of different people taking shits and then average it all out?

"How's it going in there, Leroy? Y'almost done?"

We have lift off

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