The zodiac / astrology / horoscope thing has always puzzled me. Sometimes its dead on accurate and will seriously freak you the fuck out, and then sometimes it couldn't be further from the truth. Like life, I guess.
So anyway, whilst surfing the celestial sphere of the online zodiac, I came across this dazzling "Libra Male" profile written in hysterical, breakneck (seemingly translated by an Asian) English. You too can get your very own broken English zodiac profile, here. Enjoy!
“[sic, big time] A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool, calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes he can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time.
To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or up set. His voice always gentle and calm. he always set and comb his hair as if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.
When he is in a balance mood, he is the type of person you want to be with. In other unbalancing mood, he likes to make people argue about something and watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who compromise and clear thing up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.
Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and may even take you out that night.
Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him carefully, you will see the different. If he wear a shirt, it will have to be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.
A straight forward , no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to correct them later. He hates people who boost, or exaggerate. He does not like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.
He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice.
If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay and you can not stop him anyway.
After he persuade you to stay, or after a big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feeling before ever.
He will has his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes, he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In his teen, he changed many girl friends because he can not clearly separate loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-cheek if his match is suitable and compatible with him.
Even he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotion of the one he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he up set you. He will never knows what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepare for this.
A not so pretty girl with no brain is not his type of woman. If you are not pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to see he argue with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very quiet.
He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers a pretty and gentle woman than a smart and ugly woman. You have to understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be. ”