This Is Not A Test: Starbucks Stores To Close From 5:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m. Today For Retraining Of Baristas

Everyone just try and stay calm.

Between 5:30 and 8:30 PM this evening we will know a world without Starbucks. Every one of the 7,000+ Starbucks in America will close for three hours this evening for remedial espresso training for employees. Right.

Dunkin Donuts, never one to shy away from a good old Columbian dogfight, will offer a small latte, cappuccino or coffee of their choice, hot or iced, for 99 cents during those three trying hours without our Starbucks.

Godspeed, America. Godspeed.