08 April 2008

Bring Me The Head Of George Oliphant

photo by Panache Privée
Every Sunday morning at like 8:30 there's a show on NBC 4 called "Open House NYC". Its co-hosted by a guy named George Oliphant and he drives me fucking CRAZY. His cadence is horrible. He mumbles through tours of Harlem townhouses. He doesn't enunciate a single, solitary word. His words all string together in one lousy run-on sentence sans rhythm or pause. George fucking Oliphant is the worst and he drives me insane. I have no idea what he's saying half the time as he babbles on about kitchens and $14M south-facing Tribeca condos. I hope you'll tune in this weekend and share my pain. He needs to be impeached ASAP. Fuck George W., we need to dethrone George O. Who the FUCK gave him this gig? I hope his mum or dad is someone famous otherwise he has no right being on television. The boy doesn't know how to speak!

41 comments:

Ross said...

I could not agree more about George Oliphant ! How the hell did he get to co-host a show where he has to "SPEAK" ? !! He CAN'T speak ! When one thinks about how many deserving, well spoken, trained talents there are just waiting for their big break, it boggles the mind that "Mumbles" gets the gig. So I TOTALLY agree with Gotham City Insider. I can't understand a damn thing this guy is TRYING to say. As a host, THAT is the ultimate NO NO !
CAPTFIGO

Anonymous said...

And how is George Oliphant different from any other babbling buffoon on American TV? Really, if you want to crucify him, you should include the ship of fools we watch all day every day.

Ross said...

Wrong, Anonymous ! George Oliphant, AKA "MUMBLES" is in a class by himself. Most, if not all talking heads on the tube are trained speakers. At this point I'm sure the folks who run this show have gotten many comments about "the problem with George". It seems he must be married to the boss's daughter or something because he's still at it ! I give up.
CAPTFRIGO

Kiki said...

Haha I'm laughing because I just saw him on one of those Cambrige Pavingstones commercials where they can't believe how long the stones next to their Long Island pools have lasted. WHO is he?? I googled to see and he graduated from Univ of Colorado, Boulder. He absolutely must have some kind of connection because his mumbling is actually distracting. Did anyone see the episode of of OpenHouse NYC when he was making over his OWN apartment with his 25 year old wife because she was pregnant?? The whole thing was just odd. I've also noticed that he has no idea what he's doing in the home construction segments, which is fine, but instead of learning he sort of bumbles around and asks the experts dumb questions. I'm so fascinated by him!!! WHY???

Ross said...

I think I tune in every Sunday morning @8:30 just to see if 'ol George got canned yet. It's sort of like the "Oliphant death watch" to me. The thought has crossed my mind that the show may actually LOSE viewers without him for just that reason ! If they had a real talking head, the show would be TOTALLY boring. Interestingly, the person(s) George speaks WITH speak MUCH clearer than he, and I understand everything they say ! So, "Bring ME the head of George Oliphant" !!

Anonymous said...

I actually like George Oliphant. He is quite HOT and seems like a sweet, down to earth guy and I've never had a problem understanding him. Maybe you people shouldn't watch the show if he irritates you so much!

Ross said...

OK, OK, Anonymous, I won't watch the show any more. Just let me know when you see 'ol George on his next gig learning(trying?) to say; "FRIES WITH THAT"?.

Anonymous said...

Wow - so much hostility! I think it's symptomatic of the amount Ross and Kiki get laid. In fact, I'm 100% positive - why else would you spend your free time posting such angry, over-the-top comments about a guy that's just trying to make a living?

p.s. no one in his family works in entertainment, and he got his start working at mtvu as a vj.

Ross said...

I don't think Kiki and I are getting laid TOO much, as you suggested, but you might have a point Anonymous. We'll slow it down from now on and try to spend more of our time attempting to decipher what 'ol George is trying to say. Thanks for the advice and have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

George Oliphant is Great!

He's what ever straight guy wants to be (handsome, hot wife, gay looking but straight, jock, buff, great skier...) He's what every woman wants and every gay guy wishes would hit on him on 8th ave.

The guy doesn't mumble and he's now on Today Show, LXTV at 5 and the National LX shows too!

So folks get used to him, or switch back to Bob Villa!

Anonymous said...

"great skier..."


bwhaahahahahahahaha. yeah, maybe you're right. i'm wrong. he IS the greatest man on earth. we're all just jealous.

Ross said...

OK Anonymous, I get it now. You're his WIFE ! so it's only natural that you would want to defend your guy against "all attacks, domestic and foreign" etc. Maybe then you can help by making sure he doesn't ALWAYS look like he just rolled out of bed ? What's with that hair ? sometimes a beard, sometimes not. Unshaven, sometimes not. He LOOKS like a Bob Villa who's hit very hard times times and been "on the street" so long he's incoherent after being picked up for vagrancy ! Lastly, it seems he's been relegated to the make over, remodeling segments only. How interesting is THAT?! Want proof? Where is his former co-host Sarah Gore? Maybe with her own show weekdays at 5pm on NBC maybe?? hmmmm, I wonder why 'ol George is still fixing leaky toilets?

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what you are talking about. George does not mumble. He is quite cute and energetic. Best of all, the rooms they have changed are fantastic. Maybe you need a hearing-aid?

Ross said...

W H A T ?????

Anonymous said...

I found this tonight after again falling in love with George on LX tv and finally going to a computer to learn more about him. Anonymous, is right, he is this gay guy's wet dream. I adore him and his faux hawk and his bow ties and his lopsided smile and mumbling. He's like a Mario Lopez -- for white Scottish guys.

Ross said...

Well, OK, if you like white Scottish guys with bow ties, a "0" DO, with lopsided smiles who mumble !!

Anonymous said...

I do know George personally and anyone who does is lucky to. He is the nicest guy and a great friend! I enjoy watching his show because I think he does a great job and this mumbling business? I don't know what you fools are talking about.
I'll be seeing George tomorrow and make sure to give him all of your regards.
PS- And no, he is not married to the bosses daughter.

Mumbles said...

cool! tell him i said schermms shlemm and frenn tencmmwmmmmumll maommnommlbe nammmmannaa lbelmsbninmmma noamaon phenummmlbe

Ross said...

Yes, Anonymous, you give 'ol George all our best. I kinda miss seeing him team up with that Sarah Gore(or should I say 'ol FROG voice?). Yes, tell George I also agree with Mumbles when I say; mzeie's nffte paer memuuni oiiit !, zepta towwwi rupto bonorea !

Anonymous said...

Wow, Ross- you devote a lot to this!!

Are you the queer mo that wants him or the virgin loser that wants to be him?

Just wonderin' bud!!

Kiki said...

I've come back to comment. I think its funny when people google their friends and then defend them on blogs. It's OKAY that not everybody thinks George is good at his job - I'm sure he's a very lovely person, but as a host I have to say he's a trainwreck. I give the LX show a few more months before they pull the plug on it (has anyone seen it?? it's actually embarrassing to watch). I do feel bad for George because is he trying to be a home construction "personality" -- I'm just not sure... The reason I thought his dad was someone was because -- it seemed like he didn't know what he was doing (no journalistic or verbal training), is Preppy McPrepster (showing up on NY Social Diary in salmon pants and bowties in the Hamptons http://www.panachemag.com/Web/BeSeen/HamptonDS09/GOliphantHD.jpg) and continues to move forward careerwise with no seeming reason. I'm just sayin....

Ross said...

You sure have a way with words, Anonymous ! 'Ol George MUMBLES, and you resort to school yard attacks, and you call ME a loser ? Just to remind you, this is not about ME, it's about a guy who attempts to be the new Bob Villa(how interesting is THAT!), but you can't understand a damn thing the guy says! Why not go back and look at what Kiki said, so it's not just me. It's obvious you're in love with the guy, so you see NO faults. Alas, love IS blind !

Kat said...

Holy CRAP. I just stumbled across this post while researching something else. And WOW. I think if you are going to crucify someone there's another LX/NBC host that is waaaaay worse. Pedro Andrade (sp?) http://lxtv.com/pedrosdiary/video/9924 -IS THE WORST most incoherent person on TV. Worse than Brittany Spears on a week long bender. I don't know why they hired a retarded male-model with a mouth full of novocain and an accent as thick as peanut butter. Two minutes of that guy is too much! And now I hear he's got his own show now called "1st Look"---Terrible. What the hell is going on! First George, now Pedro?!

Ross said...

OK Kat, that makes it unanimous ! There's the well known, "problem with George", Pedro Andrade, the Ricardo Montalban wanna be, and Sarah "Froggy" Gore ! What's up with this LXTV? There must be a few hundred polished, well trained, attractive would be TV hosts out there trying to get a gig on major TV, and these three get the call ? I don't get it, NO ONE gets it ! I would have loved to be a fly on the wall @ LXTV when those "selections" were made. Well at least they make for topics of conversation, even if it's negative.

Anonymous said...

George and Zoe are back in Upper Montclair NJ. George's father (Timothy Oliphant Steam Boat Springs, CO) is a major Loser/Lawyer. Has Alzheimers and loves to scam people. Sadly, George's mother is in Pennsylvania and seems to be be happy after divorcing Georges Loser dad. We have a small Association , Highland Ave Association, and the house that George's Father owns is such an eye sore. Not maintained, and he was rumored to keep some Latin wife Hostage and feed her pills and booze. She is in some re-hab in Central America the last we heard.All we hope is that george and his wife (who seems to be a Joy) maintain the place and bring some dignity back to the neighborhood. Clue: Your ajacent house had THEIR driveway paved, why not you? Have you fixed the rumpred "Mold" problem yet? Your new Son should not be subjected to this health issue...

Gotham City Insider said...

Oooooh! Dirt! Let me make another cup of coffee. Continue!

olga said...

I am outraged that those of you that write these things, that probably speak in ebonics and with 4 letter words in every sentence are judges as his elocution. YOU are all very jealous. Get a job like his and then have an opinion. Olga

olga said...

The more I read these comments the more I can see the unbelivable envy you all have. God help you.

Ross said...

Wuzzz up wit dat, m*t**r f***k*r ?. OK Olga, you're right ! I envy 'ol George and his "elocution"(hey KIKI, look up "elocution") I admit the only time I can speak like George is after I've polished off a bottle of Jack Daniels and spilled super hot coffee in my lap ! But I digress. Let's all "stay tuned" and see what the future holds for George "the Hammer" Oliphant. Who knows, maybe he'll wind up as the announcer in the NYC subway system...... Oh boy.

Alex said...

Where ever life brings 'ol George, Ross, I can imagine that it will be slightly more interesting than creating and acutely babysitting a celebrity blog as the daily thrill to which you jack off. I just can't believe after so many months you can still get it up to this!! You must really be running out of options (now that human females are most ASSUREDLY out of the question).

How many times did you try to speak like George before you realized that it was a bottle of JD and hot coffee on your pathetic unit that does the trick?

Keep rockin' bud, the hate blog business has got to get you somewhere one day! At the very least, you have Kiki to lament your inadequacies to, as I'm sure she has a fair amount to share with you. Now go and skype, you two, as you spend an unreasonable amount of time combing this post and discussing a rebuttal that will sting as hard as some of your previous genius.

Love,
Alex

Gotham City Insider said...

"Now go and skype" is the best insult I've heard all year.

Anonymous said...

As a gay man, I must say that I find George to be a delicious, wholesomely refreshing, sexy, hot, aw shucks kind of guy. Looking at that sweet face, I never have had an ounce of trouble understanding him. I have no idea where you people got this from.
Give this man a break and let him continue to do what he does best. Entertain! He's an A+ in my book.

eistoot said...

Ahhh how refreshing to hear that I am not alone. I have been watching the career of George Oliphant for over two years now wondering HOW in the Hell did this boy get on television? I have wondered... "is it nepotism?" (I have recently read that it is not.) But, I wish that it was. It would answer so many questions for me because I too have questioned the decision makers. What is the mumbling and bumbling Mr. Oliphant bringing to the camera that is so appealing? I admit my curiosity with George is because I AM a wannabe TV host, so of course I watch and study TV host personalities so when I audition I can see who they (the networks) are hiring. George is cute. I bet we would be friends. But, I swear, it is so painful to watch him on television wondering HOW did he DO IT!!?! How in God's name does this guy have a TV Host job AND a growing career??? It does give me great relief knowing that I am not alone and I praise your blog for my sanity's sake.

Jenny said...

WOW! Some hot words here... I've been looking more into the LX talent online and I must say there are some promising characters like Siafa Lewis and Maria Sansome or Gardener Loulan. But Gardener is the only one that seems to have any experience in the industry?! Hm. Well that is according to IMDB at least. Looks like his family has been in the media for sometime now. The others must be lucky, can't blame them for that...

Anonymous said...

I kinda love George. He seems to be genuinely enjoying himself, and I am glad that he is because he seems like a nice guy. I suppose he doesn't enunciate so good, but I never paid it no never [that is sarcasm fellas]. I do kinda hate Pedro though. He seems like an authentic douche. On the other hand, I still watch him.

Anonymous said...

On Thursday, The Highland Assoc. was quietly informed that Georges' Father-In-Law (His wife Zoe Simpson,her father)

committed suicide by shotgun. George and Zoe are away in the Virgin Islands..

Gotham City Insider said...

That is horrible. My heartfelt condolences to George and his family.

Ross said...

That is sad. I 2nd Gotham City Insider's last comment.

Anonymous said...

How dare you post on the internet something so private and devastating for a family that you do not know. Do your neighbors in your posh little Highland Association know the kind of classless moron you are or are they patiently waiting for the day the gossip turns to their own house? Shall I show up at your meeting and discuss prescription pill popping, tax evasion and infidelity in the neighborhood, or do you save that for drinking in the dark after your kids tell you they hate you and your nanny quits? You are pathetic.

Anonymous said...

This thread is absolutely incredible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Ross, you perform a public service.

Anonymous said...

People are on TV that have no right to be on TV, the reality shows are all a joke. Don't be jealous of G.O., go out and do something good for people like G.O. does. Rather then sit on your backside, and rant about a good person. I rather listen to a mumbling good guy, then a moron who have nothing better to do then say bad thing about a good guy helping people out.