15 May 2008

"I am ready to pay in cash."

The place where I trade in my hours for a handful of dimes runs a lil' intranet classified thing which I oft peruse.

Today, I happened to find the below listing. I also found it absolutely hysterical.

(click the ad to see it bigger, k?)

Not only is my man looking for a Video Home System Player he is ready, and willing, to pay in CASH. Cold, hard, wet, dirty cash. He is serious. A serious shopper. Ready to get it done. TODAY, if possible. Whatever it takes for that Video Home System Player. Not a VCR, but an elusive "VHS player."

You can tell this dude does not fuck around. He simply does not know the meaning of "fucking around". He works hard and plays harder. He eats fast and drinks faster. This guy is a machine! He's been in some pretty hairy situations and he's made it out unscathed. He's a smooth talker and a deal maker; a rain maker even. He's a numbers guy. Fearless and poised. He isn't afraid to take it to the very edge, the very fucking edge of insanity or death just to get the job done. Where others go the extra mile he is ready and willing to go the extra fifty miles. Steady hand. A card shark. Born with a poker face. A kingpin. If this guy doesn't come out in ten minutes, do not run in shooting, just run away. Because he leaves no stone unturned. He shoots to kill. And the ladies love him, too. Him and his VHS player.

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