26 May 2007


I've come to realise vowels are, for the most part, completely unnecessary superfluous (and expensive if you're a contestant on Wheel of Fortune). Nearly all words and sentences will make sense sans vowels, and if you come across a word that just won't work without its vowel ingredients, its probably a short preposition or a copulative verb a.k.a. a word that totally fucks up my theory a complete bullshit word.

We all know vowels by now; how they work and where they fit, so we can sound out words that are missing them; we can insinuate the vowels, right? Right.

Simply your life; say goodbye to unwanted vowels, they'll only drg y dwn.

The next few electronic mails you compose, flex your head and leave the vowels out. If you panic and must employ "to" use Prince's "2" style, same goes for "4". Rule #1 is there are no rules. Rule #2 is we use "Y" here, we don't buy that "a,e,i,o,u and sometimes y" bullshit. Here, Y is a purebred consonant. So f*ck what ya heard.

Let's say you've somehow found yourself in a Tijuiana prison, with like 4 pesos to your name. You've got a musket at your back and a Mexican mustache breathing down your neck. You need to tell your dear ol' mum back home in London that you're alive via a telegram where each sentence costs a peso. Aren't you glad that you know about the "no vowel game" now, motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought so. You can thank me later.

No vowels. Strtng nw.
Rdy? G!

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