28 August 2007

Love, Claustrophobia and The Cartier Love Bracelet

"Sweetheart, you can lock me up and throw away the key because my heart is yours."

"Sweetheart, you know I love you but this thing is making me feel like I'm being buried alive and I want to rip it the fuck off, right now!"

Your boy Aldo Cipullo, who joined Cartier’s luxury design team six months prior to the bracelet’s creation, designed the Love Bracelet during the revolutionary “Summer of Love” in 1967.

The premise behind the bolted bangle was to signify a sealed commitment between lovers, thus strengthening their devotion for one another.

It seems Aldo modeled the bracelet after legendary chastity belts, which were said to have been bolted to wives' waists when their husbands went away--to keep the wives faithful. Now that's true love & trust!

Cartier loved Aldo's idea for the bracelet and implemented a policy: customers could not buy a Love Bracelet for themselves.

The company presented his-and-hers bracelets to 25 famous couples... Among them: Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Cary Grant and Dyan Cannon, Ali McGraw and Steve McQueen, Sophia Loren and Carlo Ponti, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor... Um, unfortunately, not all of the marriages "took," but I'm sure the bracelets are still lovely.

The Love Bracelet, which retails for about $3,000 at Cartier’s on 5th, comes with a tiny screwdriver to bolt it onto the wrist, signifying a committed relationship... and I guess so you can unlock it when you catch him at Pazzo's lobster night making out with your cousin... so don't lose that tiny screwdriver!

I dunno about this thing... I love the concept but its sorta creepy in its symbolism. I never wanna feel like I'm handcuffed to anyone; even if it's an 18K white gold Cartier handcuff. Handcuffed is not in love. It's trapped, stuck, locked in, can't get out... fuck that.

Not to mention the megalithic wave of sheer panic that would rush over me when I felt like I had to get this thing off and I couldn't find that damn tiny screwdriver. My beloved would most likely walk in on me sawing my arm off. And now THAT'S true love.

They have a little baby ring version of the bracelet that I guess locks onto your finger. Just thinking about that makes me sweat.

I say why not take the commitment a bit further... wearing a bracelet that won't come off doesn't mean shit... let's get surgically attached! Let's trade eyeballs! Let's switch kidneys! Now that's what I call commitment!

"I love you, honey and I want you to have my nose. Here it is. On ice. Marry me."

1 comment:

Caitlin said...

I was laughing so hard about how just the thought of the locking finger ring made you sweat and how not finding the little screwdriver would send you into a arm-sawing panic! So funny.