20 February 2008

Martha Eats Up Emeril's Empire: Phase One Celebuchef World Domination Initiated

Yesterday, hidden in plain sight, Martha Stewart's Omnimedia Company snuck up and bought the entire Emeril Lagasse empire, including his inane kitchen gadgets, cookbooks, and television shows before he could utter one last, retarded "BAM!".

The ex-con from New Jersey paid $45 million in cash and $5 million in stock at closing for the cartoon franchise. She left Emeril with his 11 restaurants and corporate offices just so he wouldn't feel totally useless and also because restaurants typically have low margins; that and the restaurants did not align with the rest of the Emeril brand.

Need I spell it out for you? Celebuchef world domination is under way; phase one has been initiated.


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